Basil’s Blog

Today, the blog interviews continue with one of the best spoofers there is … Buckley F. Williams of The Nose On Your Face…

Everyone’s ready with their questions…

Now, the first question…

What do you find is the hardest thing about writing satire. Or fake satire.

Trying to be consistently funny. There are days when the ideas just do not come to me no matter what I do. Then there are days that I could easily write 3 or 4 pieces (if I had the time) that I think are pretty good.

I think the important thing is to try and “write through it” on the days that the ideas don’t come. I also use several different styles (Top 9 Lists, Interviews, Editorials, News Articles and Crane Style) so that helps to keep me fresh, even on the days I have that not-so-fresh feeling.

I also find that drinking an exceptional amount of coffee can trigger creativity. And potty breaks.

Do you think most bloggers are too serious and take themselves too seriously?

Most? No. At least not the ones that I associate with. I think that the blogosphere is really just a microcosm of society. There are people everywhere that take themselves too seriously, not just bloggers. And whether it’s a blogger or just an everyday person that takes themself too seriously, you should make fun of them. Often.

Admit it, you’re Dan Rather! ADMIT IT!

Who let the dog in?

Are you now, or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party? Would you like to join?

Nyet. On both counts.

Do you read Scrappleface?

I still read Scrappleface, but not as often as I did before I started TNOYF. After John Hawkins at Right Wing News, Scott Ott was one of the main people that motivated me to create my own site. I have a very short attention span so I tend to like short, humorous articles.

Watch David Letterman?

I haven’t watched Letterman in years. I always got a kick out of him before, but he seems so bitter now. He’s sort of like Chevy Chase. But with steady work and a bigger gap between his front teeth.

What’s your favorite TV show?

You mean besides “24″?

What’s your favorite TV show (other than “24″)?

“The Shield”. “Lost”. “Special Report with Britt Hume”. “South Park”. “The Showbiz Show With David Spade”.

Most anything on The History Channel or The Discovery Channel. Give me a pride of lions fighting a pack of hyenas on tv and I am one happy man.

Cynthia McKinney or Cindy Sheehan?

What do you mean “or”? I intend on taking full advantage of my postion as the Senior Editor of a multi-national, extremely influential, fake news organization and choose both. In doing so, I’ll opt for a little BLT (that’s Buckley, Leftist & Tinderbox-head).

Are there ever times when you want to just drop all the pretense, give up the satire, and just go on a multi-State killing spree? Because I don’t…I just wondered…

Yes and no. I think that a multi-state killing spree could prove therapeutic, but logistically speaking it would be a poor use of time. I have plenty of people in my home state that need to be taken out before I hit the road. And if they don’t know who they are… well… then they should prove all the more easy to kill.

Is it true that you were the founder of the Rational Kneeview?

No. Many people make that mistake, but it’s just another one of those “urban legends”. However, I did accept a drink from a strange woman in an airport bar once. The next thing I knew I woke up in a cut-rate motel room packed in ice with a missing kidney. If the Sasquatch in the next room over hadn’t heard my screams and called 9-1-1, I probably wouldn’t be here right now.

What’s your biggest disappointment with George W. Bush?

Whew. Just one, huh? I would have to say his failure to take a firm, principled stand on the border issue. I know that he is trying to court the coveted “illegal immigrant voting bloc”, but maybe if they are illegal they shouldn’t be voting.

He made a strong case after 9/11 for going on the offensive and taking the fight to the Islamofascists as a necessary step for our self-preservation. And rightly so. However, it logically follows that we should take every available step to protect ourselves at home as well. Securing our borders, which judging by the recent “Million Juan March” tour are pretty porous, is essential. Certain things, such as our existence, should be above political chicken-hockey.

How would Hillary Clinton have handled that issue?

It depends.

In 2004 she would have said “I am, you know, adamantly against illegal immigrants.”

Whereas in 2006 in a letter to her constituents she would have said, “I do support providing undocumented workers with the opportunity to earn legal status in this country.”
(Via Indian Chris at Hooah Wife & Friends http://hooahwife.com/?p=838)

Besides Jack Bauer, who can beat Hillary Clinton?

Ike Turner.

If your top was put on during the David Letterman show’s top 10 – which one do you think people would like better?

You are talking apples and oranges here, Greta. I write “Top 9 Lists”. They do “Top 10 Lists”. It’s an unfair comparison. That being said, I’d still have to go with my list.

What’s the most Redneck / White trash thing you’ve ever done?

Besides spending the last hour and a half of my life staring intently at your mesmerizingly grotesque squirrel-sack?

What is “fake satire” isn’t that an oxymoron like “Democratic Leadership”?

Yes. However, what it also is is a great conversation starter with the ladies.

Have you no shame?

Is this a trick question? All right, I’ll play your little game. No, I don’t have any shame. Your move Surber.

Do you find humor in everything? Laugh at funerals etc…?

Yes and yes. I don’t laugh because the person is dead. Actually, let me rephrase that. I don’t usually laugh because the person is dead.

I come from a family that laughs a lot and I’ve found that laughter helps you to get through difficult times such as a death or a serious illness or two terms of the Clinton administration.

Lightning round:
Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris

Jack Bauer. And don’t ever ask me such an insulting question again.

Jack Bauer vs. Bruce Lee

Jack Bauer. This is the best match-up of the lot. I would have gone with a tie here except for one thing. When Bruce Lee died he stayed dead. When Jack Bauer died he was resurrected. The fact that Jack has the ability to defeat death gives him a slight edge against Master Lee.

Jack Bauer vs. Godzilla

See “Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris”

Godzilla vs. Chuck Norris

I don’t think they’d actually fight.
Chuck Norris would be all like, “Hey Godzilla, you’re looking pretty buff. Have you been using the Total Gym exercise machine that’s endorsed by me, Chuck Norris?”

And then Godzilla would be all, “Thanks for the compliment Chuck Norris but no, I don’t even work out.”

And then Chuck Norris would be all like, “Wow. Talk about being genetically blessed. Hey, do you want to come over my place and watch Walker, Texas Ranger re-runs on my new 124-inch plasma tv?”

The next thing you know Godzilla would be braiding Chuck’s chest hair while Chuck made him a friendship bracelet and they’d be well on their way to being the bestest of pals.

Godzilla vs. Bruce Lee

Hmm. I’ll have to go with Godzilla. His won-lost record versus Asians is quite impressive.

Chuck Norris vs. Bruce Lee (again)

James Frey. From what he has told me, he has already given the two of them a good old fashioned crap-hammering.

Pick the most fair tag-teams

A dead, decapitated Jack Bauer, wrapped in duct tape, entombed in a titanium casket, buried beneath three hundred feet of concrete vs. Everyone else

Pick the least fair tag-teams

A live Jack Bauer vs. Everyone else

Who do you look like?

Some have called me the bastard product of a one-night stand between Fox’s Shepherd Smith and Spotswoode from Team America World Police.

Name a blogger that, if you meet in the afterlife, will confirm that you have gone to hell?

Does Ted Kennedy have a blog? If he does then I pick him.

Thanks many times over to Buckley F. Williams of The Nose On Your Face for agreeing to this interview. We has a great time.

Tomorrow, it’s Taleena (Sun Comprehending Glass).