Friday, April 7, 2006

Contagion (Miasmatic Review)

Today, we are delighted to have Contagion of Miasmatic Review taking our questions...


The panel is ready with their questions...


Now, the first question...

AWTM
how many hatchets do you own?


Only one really, a Sears Craftsman. It's really good at splitting wood; I take it with me when I'm doing non-reenacting camping. However, I also own two tomahawks, 1 splitting axe, 1 battle axe (Not my wife) and 1 battleaxe (My wife).

QualityWeenie
When did you lose your virginity and where?


Since my wife has a jealous streak a mile wide, I tend to not like to talk about past relationships. It makes my life very difficult around the house, and trust me I don't need any help in that department.


Would you rather fight pirates or ninjas, and why?


Pirate definitely. Ninjas aren't historically as cool as Hollywood makes them out to be and plus I'm not big into oriental culture (although I do loves me some Chinese food). Pirates just rock, and there are different types of pirates. Depending if they are sponsored by the government (Privateers) or what country they originate from, and what ocean/sea they are in. Plus if I'm dealing with French, English, Irish, Norwegian, Swedish, or Scottish pirates, there is a slim chance I could find an ancestral link and join the crew!


Do you plan on having any more kids?


Ummm.... NO!


Why are you so in need of hugs? And what made you such a sweet and lovable normal guy?


It's because of the kittens I raised as a child. There were 9 of them and I looked after them daily. Unfortunately when I was 12 there was an incident, and we don't speak of the "Incident" in my family.

AWTM
what is the secret to hatchet throwing, I can never get mine to stop rotating?


I wish I could answer your question, but I've never thrown a hatchet in my life. Now, if you wanted to know about tomahawks, the secret is distance. You have to have the right distance from the block so that the tomahawk head rotates into the correct position when it comes into contact. If you have the right tomahawk, the haft (handle) will be the length of your forearm, from elbow to fingertip. Then ideally you should be about 7-8 paces away from the target, depending on how big of step you take when you throw.

Richmond
If you could wear a kilt every day, would you? And why/why not?


I can wear a kilt daily if I wanted to now, but I don't. Why? Two words: Kilt Rash. It's more noticeable on bigger guys, but when those inner thighs start rubbing it gets painful. The inner parts of my legs are bald from nuts to about 4 inches above my knees due to kilt rash.

That 1 Guy
Were you expecting the Spanish Inquisition?


No one expects the Spanish Inquisition. Unless you're a Boy Scout, and that's because they are always prepared.


Is it true that you have necklaces made from kitten skulls?


Sadly, this is partially true. I only have one necklace made from nine kitten skulls. I made it when I was twelve.


Did you harvest the kittens yourself?


Did you used to live next door to me when I was a kid? As a matter of fact I did, unfortunately I'm not allowed to discuss the details. We don't talk bout the "incident" in my family.

DrPhatTony
No one from Utah has signed your Frappr map. Do you think this is because the Mormons are against people that wear kilts?


It has nothing to do with Mormon's having anything against people that wear kilts. I know many kilt wearing Mormons. It has everything to do with what the Mormon's have against me. You answer the door one time pointing a blunderbuss with a D-cell battery at them, and they go and black list you. Jeez!

AWTM
how often do you wash your "re-enactor" clothing?


Me? Never. My wife on the other hand does whenever she can sneak it in. To be honest, I don't like washing them because the unwashed ones have more of a historically accurate look to it. And you get used to the smell after a while.


Why do you blog?


Because Harvey said that if I didn't he would do something painful to my family. Other then that I do it for the heck of it. Due to a handful of my readers I can't post about the personal, work or family issues that I have, so I just post stuff to see if anyone actually is curious as to what goes on in my head.

QualityWeenie
What would you do if you become deathly allergic to alcohol?


Probably the same thing I do with my allergy to seafood. Ignore it, and suffer the consequences later. That and probably carry a lot more Epi Pens with me.


Which is more popular in your house - Spongebob or Dora?


There is no Dora in our house. So Bob-bob pair pants is the winner.


Besides your legendary shyness, what do you think surprises people the most when they first meet you?


Since most people try to avoid meeting me, that is a tough question. I'd like to say it's how polite and well mannered I am, unfortunately I think it's how much of a bastardly arsehole that I am.

AWTM
I hear you are really quite extroverted, is that true?


Nope, I have an innie. I'd post a picture, but no one wants to see my belly button. (Looks up Extroverted in dictionary) Er... nevermind. Not really, I generally have a strong dislike of people. It comes from years of learning and working in law enforcement and law enforcement related fields. I've seen some of the worst types of chuckleheads that are in society. Plus seeing how people treat each other, I've pretty much lost all faith in the human race. However, I've found that animals make lousy drinking buddies and really were only put on the planet to feed, cloth and entertain me. Thus I'm stuck dealing with people.

Richmond
What is your favorite historical site that you have visited?


That is a good question; I've been to so many. I think the one that moved me the most was Gettysburg. Standing up on Cemetery Ridge looking out towards Seminary Ridge, I could picture Picket leading the charge across the field. The sounds of battle filled my ears and the smells of battle were in the air. To imagine all of those Americans fighting and dying there, friends killing friends, brothers versus brothers, fathers versus sons was just stirring. One side fighting for their rights, the other fighting to preserve the union.

That 1 Guy
Just exactly how does your blog review asthma?


Well, I'm asthmatic... but I don't know what you're talking about. Reviewing asthma? Are you drunk again?


What is the funniest incident that happened between you and your wife?


Nothing funny has ever happened between my wife and me. We here in the Contagion household do not have a sense of humor.

AWTM
Do you enjoy your job?


I love my new job. I haven't enjoyed going to work like this in oh, 7 years.

That 1 Guy
Who were some of the first blogs you read, before coming out the closet, other than your blog parents?


Why does everyone ask this question? Other then my blog parents... other than my blog parents... other than my blog parents... hmmmm. Well there was Brokeback Wisdom, Tammi's world, Practical Penumbra, Refractional Darkness and Jennifer's history and stuff.


What is this green stuff on my shoe?


Dude, I told you. If you're going to eat cabbage, watch where you shite!

QualityWeenie
If Chevy went out of business, which car company would you choose your next truck from?


Easy, GMC... what? Okay, technically the same company. Actually the way things are going with the laws regarding truck MPG, I'll probably try to keep my current truck running forever. I'll take power over mileage any day. However, if I did need to buy a new truck and it couldn't be GM, it'd probably be Ford. I like Ford trucks. The only other full sized truck I'd own is a Ford. I owned a Ford Ranger for 8 years, and loved that truck. I just outgrew it.


What is your favorite cartoon?


I'm not a big cartoon fan. I did have some that I would watch and enjoy. The Simpsons, Family Guy, South Park and Drawn Together. Unfortunately I'm kind of bored with all of them.

AWTM
Is "nightstand" post true?


Everything I post is true! That post however was so honest I was in the doghouse for a while. Everything said there was completely and utterly true, so help my children.


How would you describe yourself in exactly 10 words?


Big, ugly, evil, scary, bastard that likes to drink alcohol. That is almost verbatim how various people have described me.


Pumpkin Pie or Apple Pie?


Who cares when it's served on golden bozos? ;)

Richmond
What is the most surprising thing you have learned about yourself via blogging and the blog community?


Wait, there's a lesson to be learned blogging????? No fair! No one told me this was going to be like school! Who says I've learned anything? Other then the fact that I discovered I really like Fritz's in Stillman Valley!

AWTM
Can we see more photos of your wife?


Well you can, but only if I can get her to do some artistic poses with a reported hottie from Arkansas!


What's the most important lesson you want to teach your children?


Don't step on flaming bags left on the front porch. Seriously, I'd like them to grow up following the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". I try to follow that myself; I'm just not very successful at it.


Do you want to be President? Why/why not?


Not really... too many politics.

QualityWeenie
Say you suddenly realized you were gay, what type of man would you go for?


The ones that had a complete sexual reassignment and plastic surgery to look like Adriana Lima.


If you could live anywhere in the country - without financial worry, where would you live and why?


That's tough. I've always loved the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, The mountains of Colorado, the Hills of Tennessee, and the bustle of Chicago. If there was no financial worry, I'd probably buy a luxury motor coach and just travel the country year round, participating in various re-enactments across the US and Canada and seeing the historical sites in this great country.

Richmond
I you were the supreme ruler of the universe, what would be the first five things you would change and/or improve?


Why must you ask questions that you really don't want the answers to?

  • Throw out all constitutions and laws that I did not create. I don't want people thinking they have rights under my regime.

  • All career politicians would be systematically forced out of office with no severance pay or retirement paid by my government or it's citizens.

  • Open bisexuality is now a mandatory lifestyle for all women.

  • Convicted criminals could gamble on their prison time by participating in blood sports. If they survive, they can go free. (The chance of survival with out permanent brain damage is slim to none)

  • If you sue someone and lose, you have to pay their legal fees. That should help cut down stupid lawsuits.



That 1 Guy
Okay, just to see how well you know your fellow bloggers, what number am I thinking of?


Probably 9, that's the number of drinks I owe you.

That 1 Guy
Wow... how about now?


Still 9, you have a one track mind.

That 1 Guy
Alright... I guess I owe you a beer. Wanna head to Hooters?


Hell yea. Unfortunately you're never around.




Thanks to Contagion for an enlightening interview. We really appreciate it and enjoyed it very much.

Tomorrow, it's Rachel of Tinkerty Tonk taking questions.

8 comments:

  1. Heheheh... excellent job. Both to you, Basil, and the kilted bastard!

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  2. ... great job, Contagion.... I especially liked the tease about the kittens...

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  3. OUTSTANDING. I've read a lot of interviews, but that was by far the most entertaining.

    Damn dude - you're good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  4. Good one! I learned so much! (Well, not really.... but it entertained me for 5 minutes and that counts...) ;)

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  5. Dang, I'd have asked a lot more stupid questions if I'd known you were going to actually answer them!

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  6. I told everyone I would answer anything asked. Whether or not you liked the answer was a different story.

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  7. By Far one of the most entertaiing interviews of all time, perhaps there should be an award given out....

    oh and the artistic photos.....my husband always tells me to get the money first...

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