Evil Glenn's Podcast

The Evil Glenn and Mad Doctor Helen Show: The Osama Bin Laden Interview

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Hi and welcome to the latest Glenn and Helen podcast. Today our guest is Osama Bin Laden. We've been looking forward to talking with Osama for some time now.


That's right! And we're looking forward to finding out his latest plan for death and destruction!


We have Osama Bin Laden on the phone now. Osama, thank you for joining us today.


Is this the end I speak into?


Yes, that's just fine. I'd like to ask you about your most famous act of terror: the attacks of September 11.


I had nothing to do with that. You have no proof.


Well, I must remind you that you did brag about those attacks.


Oh. Well. Hey, you tell so many lies, you forget what you said last. I was talking about that with Michael Moore just the other day ...


You know Michael Moore?


Uh, yes I do.


He's not been in the news much lately. It's like he's no longer in vouge.


Oh, wait. Did I say 'Michael Moore?' I mean Cindy Sheehan.


Cindy Sheehan?


Yes. No. Um. Yes.


Okay then. You made a big impression on lots of people with your September 11 attacks on America, and with other Al Qaeda attacks in other countries since then.


Thank you. It's not easy to come up with plans like that. Lots of work. Lots of planning. What's a terrorist to do?


Let me ask you: What's the most difficult thing about trying to plan more attacks?


Well, it's this living in a cave...


You live in a cave?


Um. Yes...


Like a homeless person?


Well, yes, I guess so.


Heh.


So, it's hard planning attacks from a cave?


Well, yes. But the fact that we're trying to kill American dogs keeps me going.


American dogs? You kill American dogs?


Yes, that's my purpose.


Old dogs? Young dogs?


Um. Sure...


Young dogs. Puppies. Heh.


Riiiiight.


So, you're saying that planning to kill Americans while hiding in a cave is difficult to do?


Right.


In 2001, you were considered the number one enemy of the United States. But today, many others are actually considered bigger threats to America.


Who is bigger threat? I demand to know!


Well, there's Abu Musab al-Zarqawi...


*spit* He's a wanna-be. Kills Americans one at a time with a knife. Amateur. I killed thousands in one day.


Actually, you sent 19 others to do that.


Twenty. Oh, wait. I said Moussaoui wasn't one of mine, didn't I? So, 19. Or 20.


So, you send others to their deaths while you hid in a cave?


Yes. No. Wait....


You got electricity in that cave?


Electricity?


Yeah. For like plugging in a blender or something.


A blender?


Yeah.


. . .


. . .


Osama, let me ask you about others that are considered more of a threat to the U.S.


No one is a bigger threat than am I!


Well, Al Gore says that global warming is a bigger threat than terrorism.


Al Gore? He's an idiot.


And many Europeans think that George Bush is actually a terrorist and that you're a hero.


Europeans? We kicked their asses in the Crusades. They're nothing.


Do you dance?


What?!


Do you dance?


Dance?


Yeah. You know. Like the Robot.


The Robot?


Just wondering.


I guess I can tell you. Yes, I dance the Robot.


And Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is considered one of the biggest threats to world peace.


The only thing he ever did was help capture Americans in November 1979. He's been living on that reputation ever since. George Bush is going to kick his ass. Hell, I can hardly wait for him to take up residence in a cave next door.


So, Bush's war on terror is working?


Yes. Um. Wait. No. Um. No. His efforts are futile and ineffective.


So, why does Ahmadinejad need to be careful?


Are you kidding? He wouldn't last a week in a cave. He's a wuss.


So, let me sum up. You're homeless. You kill little American dogs. And dance the Robot.


Um. Yeah. Sure.


I'm going to go visit you in person. We're going to have lots of fun. Indeed.


Well, this interview has been lots of fun. We really appreciate it, Osama.


Whatever.


That's it for today. Check out more at InstaPundit.com or DrHelen.blogspot.com. Until our next podcast, have fun on the InterWeb!


Talk to you next time!

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