Blazing Saddles as approved by Jesse Jackson

"He rode a Blazing Saddle, He wore a shining star, His job to offer battle ..."


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"C'mon boys. The way you's lollygaggin' 'round here with them picks and them shovels ... you'd think it was a hunnert and twenny degrees..."


"Cain't be more'n a hunnert 'n fourteen!"


"Ohhh!"


"Dock that Asian-American a day's pay for nappin' on the job."


"How come I don't hear no singin'? When you wuz bein' oppressed during an error for which you should be entitled to reparations ... you sung like birds..."


"How 'bout a good ol' African-American work song."


"Ebony and Ivory, live together in perfect harmony, side by side on my piano keyboard, Oh! Lord! Why don't we..."


"Hold it! Hold it! What the hell is that shit?! I meant a song. A real song. Like ... Swing Low, Sweet Chaaaaaaarioooooottttttt...."


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"What in the Wide, Wide World of Sports is a-goin' on here?! I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City gentlemen who live an alternative lifestyle."


"Sorry Mr. Taggert. I -- I guess we kinda got caught up."


"Listen dummy. The surveyors say they may 've run into some quicksand up ahead. Better check it out."


"Okay. I'll send down a team of horses t' check out th' ground."


"Horses! Why we cain't afford to lose no horses you dummy!"


"Send over a couple of African-Americans."

"Okay, Mr. Taggert."


"You. And you."


"Sir? Sir, he, uh, specifically requested two African-Americans. Well, to tell a family secret -- my grandmother was a Dutch."


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"Send a wire to the main office and tell them that I said -- OW!"


"Send wire, main office, tell them I said 'ow.' Gotcha!"


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"OW!"

"Why Taggert! You've been hurt!"


"Oh, that uppity African-American went and hit me on the head with a shovel."


"I'd sure appreciate it sir if you could find it in your heart to hang him up by his neck until he was dead."


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"As per your instructions, I'd like you to meet the new sheriff of Rock Ridge."

"I'd be delight... WOW! I gotta talk to you, c'mere!"


"Have you gone berserk? Can't you see that that man is an Af..."


"Ha-ha-ha-ha. Wrong person. Forgive me. No offense intended. Ha-ha-ha."


"Have you gone berserk? Can't you see that that man is an Af..."


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"The sheriff's comin'!"


"Ring out the church bells!"

"Strike up the band."


*CLANG!*


*CLANG!*


"Hey! The sheriff is an Af.." *CLANG!* "...n-American!"


"What'd he say?"


"The sheriff is a fine American."


"No, Gol-blame it dang blammit. The sheriff is an Af.." *CLANG!* "...n-American!"


"Hooray!"


"Hooray! Hooray! Hoo--"


*clip-clop clip-clop*


"As chairman of the welcoming committee, it is my privilege to extend a laurel ... and hearty handshake to our new..."


*clip-clop clip-clop*


"... African-American."


*wham*


*clip-clop clip-clop*


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"Gentlemen, gentlemen! Let us not allow anger to rule the day! As your spiritual leader, I implore you to pay heed to this Good Book and what it has to say!"


*BLAM*


"Son, you're on your own."


*click click click*


"Hold it!"


"The next man makes a move the African-American gets it."


"Hold it, men. He's not bluffing."


"Listen to him men! He's just crazy enough to do it."


"Drop it, or I swear I'll blow this African-American's head all over this town."


*click*

You're right, Rev. Jackson. Blazing Saddles is so much better this way.