Basil’s Blog

Hey, I got an idea for a post.

“Obama nightmare.” Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Excuse me. You can’t say that.

Who are you?

We’re the Barack Obama Truth Squad. And you can’t refer to a nightmare when talking about Barack Obama.

Why not? An Obama presidency would be a nightmare.

That has nothing to do with anything. Using the phrase “nightmare” is racist.

What?

Racist, you stupid cracker. “Nightmare” is a code word for “Black.” And that makes you a racist.

What are you? Nuts?

“Nuts?!?!” That’s racist, too.

How is “nuts” racist?

You know. Nuts. Brazil nuts is what you really mean. And you know what racist crackers call Brazil nuts.

Now just hold on a second. That’s crazy.

You calling Barack Obama crazy? That’s racist.

How is calling Barack Obama “crazy” racist?

Simple, you ignorant redneck. “Crazy” refers to a singer from Trinidad and Tobago. So you’re calling Obama “Black.” And that’s racist.

So I can’t call Barack Obama a nightmare, nuts, or crazy?

That’s right. That’d be racist.

What about “socialist?”

Racist! You know “socialist” is code word for Black.

But he is a socialist!

You calling Obama a socialist? You racist!

How about “communist?”

J. Edgar Hoover once accused Dr. Martin Luther King of being a communist. I saw that on “X Files.” So communist is a code word for “Black.” You racist.

What can I call him? How about a liberal?

“Liberal?” You racist! Everybody knows that “liberal” is code word for “Black!”

Well, then, what can I say about Barack Hussein Obama?

“Hussein?” You can’t say that!

It’s his name.

So what? Calling him by his name is racist!

How is “Hussein” racist?

Everybody knows that “Hussein” is a code word for “Black,” you racist!

Can I mention his connection to terrorists like Bill Ayers?

What?! Tying Obama to Ayers is racist!

How’s that? Ayers is White!

Ah, but when you see Obama next to Ayers, it shows how Black Obama is. And that’s racist!

Well, what can I call Obama?

You can call him “Senator.”

I can say “Senator Barack Obama?”

You can’t say that. That’s racist!

Okay, I give up. How is calling Barack Obama a “Senator” racist?

“Senator” is code word for “Black!”

How’s that?

You ignorant cracker. “Senator” refers to a blowhard politician. And one of the most famous was Huey Long from Louisiana. And his nickname was “Kingfish.” And everyone knows that “Kingfish” was also the name of a character on “Amos ‘n Andy.” So, yeah, “Senator” is code word for “Black.”

What?! I can’t call Barack Obama “Senator?”

Oh, I expect you will. You racist.

What can I say, then? That he’s “The One?”

Racist!! We know you really mean “That One.” And that’s racist!

Geez! What can I say about Barack Obama, then? That he’s a Democrat?

“Democrat?” You racist! You can’t say that! “Democrat” is code word for “Black!”

Okay, this is just plain silly.

You think racism is silly?

No, but this whole thing is silly. Anything said about Obama is criticized as “racist.” All you’re really trying to do is stifle opposing views.

There are no opposing views. There’s Barack Obama on one side, and racists on the other.

Because I’m supporting McCain? I’m racist for supporting McCain?

That’s right! Anyone who opposes Barack Obama is a racist.

I’m not opposing Obama because of his race. I’m supporting McCain because he’s the most qualified candidate. I’ve not seen a Democrat nominee for President worth supporting since … heck, I don’t remember when. I supported Goldwater in ‘64, even though I wasn’t old enough to vote. I was for Nixon in ‘68 and ‘72, despite not being old enough to vote. I thought Ford should have won in ‘76. I voted for Reagan in ‘80 and ‘84. For Bush in ‘88 and ‘92. Dole in ‘96. Bush in 2000 and again 4 years ago. And McCain this year.

So, you’ve been a racist your whole life, then?

Now that’s stupid.

Oh, I see. “Stupid.” That’s what you rednecks say about Blacks. Shiftless. Lazy. Stupid. All code words for “Black.”

I didn’t say …

Go ahead. Try to deny it.

I do deny it. I’m not against Obama because he’s Black.

You can’t say “Black!” That’s a racist term. Say “African-American.”

Well, that actually does make sense. Obama’s father was from Kenya, a country in Africa. His mother was from Kansas. So, yeah, he actually is an African-American.

Oh, but when you say it like that, you’re racist! “African-American” is code word for “Black.”

This is ridiculous! I’m not against Obama because he’s black.

Any time you oppose a Black man, you’re racist!

Oh, really? So, if I opposed Clarence Thomas, I’d be racist? If I opposed Michael Steele, I’d be racist? If I criticized Condoleezza Rice, I’d be racist? If I said something bad about J. C. Watts, I’d be a racist? Opposing Rod Paige would be racist? Saying something unkind about Alan Keyes or Armstrong Williams would be racist? Criticizing …

No! No! No! It would be racist to support those Uncle Toms.

You know, I think I was right to begin with. This is an Obama nightmare. I just don’t know when it will end.

Heh. Silly redneck cracker. It never ends. Never.