Bewitched

Abner! Abner! They're doing it again!


Who's doing it, Gladys? What are they doing?


Those strange people in that house across the street.


I tell you, Abner, there's something not right about them!


What's wrong with them, Gladys?


Where do you want me to start? With the husband? That's a shady character!


He seems like a nice man.


Oh, sure he does. But what does he do? This is a pretty exclusive neighborhood, and I never heard of him before he put up a bid for that house across the street.


So you never heard of him. That doesn't prove anything.


I checked around. Turns out he was something called a "Community Organizer." A "Community Organizer?!" Can you believe that?


So he never had a real job. What of it? He seems to be doing alright for himself now.


Oh, sure, but we're paying for it. Every time you turn around, he's over here wanting more money. I tell you, Abner, we're nearly broke!


Nearly? Have you seen our credit card bill? It's up in the trillions. But why are you blaming him? The guy who used to live there was hitting us up all the time, too.


But not like this. Plus, what does he do all day? He's always jumping into his airplane and heading off to play golf or give a speech. He's been there nearly three years and all he's done is want more and more money from us.


A man's gotta make a living somehow.


What about the people he hangs around with? Have you ever seen such a bunch of crooks and low-lifes?


So, he knows some shady types. What about your brother, Gladys? Didn't he get a speeding ticket just last week? And you want to criticize the friends of our neighbors.


Then there are those out-of-work people.


What are you talking about?


There used to be a few people without jobs hanging around, yelling at the nice man that used to live there. Now, there are twice as many hanging around.


Times are tough.


Tough? Sure, for you and me and the out-of-work. But that man and his friends from Nevada and California came by, wanting us to give them a lot of money so they could spend it creating fake jobs for those out-of-work people.


Like I said, times are tough. I'd hire them at my plant if I could expand. But I can't because of government regulation. So, we have to help the out-of-work some way.


Oh, Abner. Do you even listen to what you're saying?


Why are you blaming the nice man across the street for this anyway?


And what about his wife! Can you believe her?


What about her, Gladys?


What about here?! She's always taking a group of people off to big vacations overseas, and sending us the bill!


But she's such a fashion icon and wants nothing but the best for us.


Fashion icon? Where did you get that? From that newspaper you read all day?


As a matter of fact, yes, Gladys. These newspapers says that she's such a smart, wonderful woman. That's how I know!


And they're the same ones who said that it'd be so wonderful to have them move in across the street. But look how that's turned out.


I'll have you know that Barack Obama is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.


Oh, you are so bewitched by those people, Abner. You've never even met the man. You just repeat what you read in the paper.


I also watch the news on television, Gladys. Why MSNBC said just this week...


MSNBC? Abner, what's wrong with you? You sit there all day, acting like everything's alright, when there are all kind of strange people going into and out of the house across the street, while they do nothing but spend, spend, spend all day.


Everything is okay, Gladys. The newspaper and TV says so.


I declare, Abner. You don't pay attention to anything that's going on. The whole world is changing around you and you go on and act like nothing's wrong. Nothing at all.