Friday, July 12, 2013

When cheetahs attack

Image: CBS/Letterman
On a recent appearance on David Letterman's show, Adam Sandler told about being attacked by a cheetah. It was during a visit to some rescued animals that the actor, under supervision, attempted to give a big cat some water, and the cheetah wanted more, according to Sky News.
As the actor bends down next to a small pond, the adult cheetah goes behind him and leaps on to his back.

Sandler attempts to stand up while the keeper rushes to get the cat off. The animal finally moves away but not before appearing to get its claws into Sandler's back and arm.

That story gave me chills. I mean, wild animals attempting to take out Adam Sandler when there are so many more deserving targets like Jay-Z, Alec Baldwin, and Justin Bieber running around?

Truthfully, I would not like to see Adam Sandler attacked by a cheetah. And you wouldn't either, if you were honest with yourself.

But, like me, there are plenty of others that could use a good cheetah mauling. Like the three I mentioned.

What about you? No, not you being attacked by a cheetah. Who would you like to see attacked by a cheetah? That's not a horrible thing to wish on someone, is it?


  1. I got all excited about the headline until I realized it wasn't about Cheetos attacking.

    Although I will say there are more people who I would like to see attacked by cheetahs than by Cheetos brand snacks.

  2. I suggest we dust Obama in powdered cheese and see what happens.

  3. Just triggered the Cheetah's hunting instinct and nothing spells easy prey than something bending over a watering hole with it's back turned.

  4. pelosi, reid, wasserman-shultz, j. garafalo, the entire staff of the New York Times. michelle obama, both clintons. bill maher. chris mathews, eugene robinson. everyone at msnbc.

    for a start

  5. The inventor of clamshell packaging

  6. I'm glad they didn't put the cheetah down. As noted it was acting instintively. On the other hand, for pure stupidity, they should have put Sandler down. Oh well get one right and get on wrong. I don't suppose any cheetahs are running for the Senate. Lots to do there!!!!

  7. The cheetah must have seen "Little Nicky".

  8. @TheHat - we cats are moody creatures. We don't have a herd instinct or a social hierarchy like horses, or dogs, or primates. Even professional handlers get hurt by big cats they've raised from newborns.

    We're like damp dynamite. The closest I want to get to a big cat is the other side of steel fence or a thick glass wall.

  9. the membership of NARAL and NOW, the employees of NPR, every faculty member of a department that has the name "studies" in its name, and all lawyers

  10. and the entire population of California, New York, Illinois, Massachusetts, and New Jersey

  11. @ TheHat -- "I don’t suppose any cheetahs are running for the Senate. Lots to do there!!!!"

    Cheetahs for Senate 2014! Much Faster and Furiouser!

  12. Basil should rent "Water Boy" this weekend and then reconsider whether the cheetah had ample justification for his actions.

  13. I thought of someone....

    and then I thought...

    Geeez. That wouldn't be very nice.

    So nobody, I guess. :)

  14. @13 - Well, you could always just give that someone a big plate of antelope-blood cookies and then run away before that someone catches on...

  15. Being from Sandiegoland, I thought it was THIS kind of cheetah. (Search result link is probably SFW; beyond that you're on your own...)

  16. glennhoronomuspunicycleJuly 12, 2013 at 8:42 AM

    Iowa Jim...There are some of us, alas, who are trapped here in Mass. and those other states. On the other hand, why take chances?

  17. Y. L. Tatsote from 2018July 12, 2013 at 3:38 PM

    That video was the inspiration for this year's television lineup. CBS prez Adam Sandler (who took over when Moonves resigned to take over all of China's media), in a blatant attempt to get under the skin of NBC biggie Seth Rogen, scheduled six cheetah-themed programs. Survivor: Attacking Cheetahs, America's Got Cheetahs, Two and a Half Cheetahs, Cheetah of Interest, Big Cheetah Theory, and the new Pat Sajac game show, Wheel Of Cheetahs, have kept the Eyeball Net at #1 on all nights, all season.

  18. Oprah Winfrey -- relentless ignoramus. Every time she appears on TV or her magazine comes out, she lowers the IQ of the whole country.

    Every shrieking harridan on "The View" except Elisabeth Hasselbeck (who's not one of those).

    Baba Wawa, if she's still alive. And if she's dead, good.

  19. At this point she's alive...well sort of.

  20. Y. L. Tatsote from 2018July 13, 2013 at 8:35 AM

    Oprah Winfrey? Did I mention that President Generalissimo Michele Obama appointed her Secretary of State? Yep, she did. Right after the 2016 coup. (Who knew that she was the voice behind the 'prompter?) Jpegs of her holding up the severed head of her former husband still circulate on the darknet despite AttackWatch (c) efforts at suppression. Chief Justice Janet Napolitano performed the wedding of Michele and Oprah during a pagan solstice ceremony. Fox was forced to carry it live by order of Homeland Security chief Rosie O'Donnell. (Who knew that Steadman was a beard for Gail King? Or that Moochie wasn't jealous of Barack but of Oprah?)

  21. All right!! We've got a pipeline to Y. L. Tatsote from 2018!!

    Was Sharknado prophetic?

  22. Have we gotten the story on Benghazi (compound attack, 9/11/2012, in case it's been erased from Wikipedia and government websites) yet? Do we at least know who the other 30 or so Americans who were there that night were?

    Or anything on Obama's background, for that matter?

    Do you want to know where the term "pull a Biden" comes from?

  23. Have we gotten the story on Benghazi, Oprah Winfrey when cheetahs attack!?

  24. Y. L. Tatsote from 2018July 14, 2013 at 9:17 AM

    Have we gotten the story on Benghazi

    According to the Official TelePrompTer-ed Statement of Press Spokesperson Janeane Garofalo, the uprising of the righteous populace in Benghazi came about because of an offensive attitude displayed by the imperious, oppresive, patrilineal culture of the west in general and the repulsive nature of the US in specific.

    As for Obama's background...the Official Record (Revised 2016) lists the late former president as having been a devoted boon companion to his glorious wife, ever-willing to read the words which she placed in The Official TelePrompTer (in phonetic form), and was committed to advancing her political career. Obama was apparently a dope-slinging junkie, barely making it in a Hawaiian junior college, when Michelle found him while on vacation. She taught him to read at a 7th grade level and guilt-tripped Columbia and Harvard into admitting him as a charity case. She taught him how to attend to his personal hygene, how to dress, and how to manage his drug use. For a time. In February 2014 Obama, while under the influence of psylociben, and flying from D.C. to L.A. on a campaign jaunt for Pelosi, nearly crashed A.F. One over Arizona when trying to take the controls from the senior pilot colonel. In November, when he lost the Senate and the House to an angry wave of TEA Partiers, Obama, under the influence of gin and narcotic cough syrup, high-centered the presidential limo trying to drive up the steps of the Lincoln Memorial while playing vintage NWA and Fu Schnikens on the sound system. 2015 found Obama and Michelle spending considerable time apart, with the First Lady taking a four month vacation at the Hawaiian estate of Oprah Winfrey. The media empress and the First Lady were seen taking long walks on the beach and seemed unusually affectionate. In December, Obama instituted Sharia law, repealed all pro-homosexual legislation, criminalizing such acts, came out as a Muslim, declared himself Ayatollah and President For Life (but still supporting late-term abortion), suspended Congress, and declared martial law. Texas seceeded and elected Rick Perry its president. Bill Clinton has taken refuge in Las Vegas, occupying the top floor of a hotel and living like a hedonistic Howard Hughes (never seen but for the stream of showgirls, strippers and party people arriving and departing from his non-stop party.) There's a rumor that his heart gave out last year and his Secret Service detail is doing a modified Weekend at Bernie's because a cryogenic container was, at one point brought up by freight elevator.

    As for "pulling a Biden"...they think that's what might have killed Clinton. But with everybody and their dog "pulling Bidens" everywhere (shame no longer attaches anymore), who can tell?


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