Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Nuts

Shutdown has hurt the economy.

Oh, wait. That was Obama. Shutdown has actually not really done anything bad. Obama and the Democrats have used Shutdown to do bad things -- you know, make things unnecessarily hard for families and veterans and such -- but that's because they're low-life bastards. Shutdown in and of itself? It's fine.

But, it has caused problems for Michelle's Garden. Squirrels are eating up all the tomatoes, according to reports.

Squirrels are vicious, nasty creatures with with nasty, big, pointy teeth.

No, wait. That's not right. They're little furry creatures that will stop eating your tomatoes if you approach them. You don't have to do anything else. Just walk toward a squirrel and it'll stop, jerk it's head in your direction, and, when it realizes you are approaching -- squirrels are stupid and it may take two or three seconds for this -- will scurry away, down the grass or up a tree or anywhere you aren't.

Which means that Shutdown has stopped people from walking toward squirrels.

That's the people that the stupid 52% of Americans voted for: People that can be defeated by squirrels.

Maybe the GOP should run a squirrel in 2016. I'd vote for one over any of the Democrats I've seen.

15 comments:

  1. Squirrels will also eat your nuts, if given a choice. If you put your nuts out there next to your tomatoes, they'll choose the nuts.

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  2. Squirrels in DC are not timid. They are fat and entitled and they vote in DC elections.

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  3. I didn't know squirrels would eat tomatoes. I mean, that doesn't seem like the kind of thing that would appeal to them.

    Then again, EVERYTHING appeals to them. My DSL line went out a couple of months ago, because squirrels chewed through the phone line, metal parts and all.

    One time I had 5 or 6 paw-paw seeds in a planter outside, hoping to start a paw-paw tree. Something knocked over the planter and ate those seeds. Who'd a thunk such a tiny morsel would even be enough to interest a squirrel? Well, EVERYTHING interests them, if it looks edible and doesn't bite back. I know they did it. That's just the kind of thing they WOULD do.

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  4. So since Michelle isn't about to get her hands dirty pulling weeds and harvesting vegetables WITHOUT a camera in front of her, can her gardening book now be considered fiction??

    http://www.ebay.com/itm/like/390501631173?lpid=82

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  5. You know if Obama would stop eating his dogs there is a ready solution to this problem.

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  6. Her garden only gets harvested the old fashioned "organic" way, by the soft hands of negro children, working for free.

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  7. I thought that this was Michelle's garden. She needs to "get moving" and tend her garden rather than take another tax payer funded vacation.

    Funny how they can even turn starting a garden into a way to expand government by having to hire a White House garden staff.

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  8. "That’s the people that the stupid 52% of Americans voted for: People that can be defeated by squirrels."

    I don't think I've ever read a more apt description of an Obama voter.

    @6 - I was about to call you racist, but then I recalled every single "Michelle's Garden photo op" pic I've ever seen.

    And... well...

    The only point you might be wrong about is that those kids are actually bussed to the White House at great expense to... someone.

    The Obama's can't even make a profit using slave labor. How inept is THAT?

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  9. Harvey:

    That is inept. His slave-trading ancestors were competent in the slave trade. Wonder what happened to him.

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  10. Back in the day, I heard some one say that squirrels were just rats with a fancy haircut. I think that was on the Red Green show.

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  11. "Maybe the GOP should run a squirrel in 2016. I’d vote for one over any of the Democrats I’ve seen."

    Nah. The GOP will run a Jeb Bush/McCain ticket."

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  12. Michelle should get her fat a$$ out there and tend to "her" garden. Her over-entitled brats should help.

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  13. I heard something about the soil around the White House being contaminated with lead or other toxic substances back in 2009, so unless they shipped in a whole lot of new top soil, I doubt if anyone has ever eaten anything from that garden.

    Let the bushy tailed rats have it.

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  14. @13 - Reference link:

    http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/02/lead-found-in-white-house-garden/?_r=0

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  15. Squirrels are just rats with hairy tails and less pointy faces, sort of like the difference between McCain and a democrat. Regarding the eating of the White House tomatoes, someone call the SPCA! That has got to violate the rights of even wire chewing kleptomaniac disease vectors. I know that they are choosing to eat the dang things, but they'll try to eat anything you leave out.

    ReplyDelete

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