Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Shutdown!!!1!!!11!

Wow! Shutdown is worse than Sequester.

Wait. Sequester is still going on, right? So we have Sequester AND Shutdown? Arrgghh! How will we survive it?

Already, the moon broke loose from its orbit and is crashing into the sea sometime this afternoon. Plus, in case you missed it, the sun didn't turn on this morning.

Also, iPhones aren't working. Android phones, either. Only BlackBerry phones work during Shutdown. Who saw that coming?

Traffic lights are out. Buildings are collapsing. Breaking Bad won't be airing. It's pandemonium.

Worst of all, the Internetz are down, and you can't even read this brilliant post.

What can we do?

Nothing.

You can't call on the military to defend us as Shutdown roams the streets of America and destroys the pieces of our country that Sequester left standing.

We're doomed, I tell ya. Doomed.

19 comments:

  1. This shut down is as phony as a nine dollar bill.

    All the national park workers must feel really worthless - and picked on.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Gubmint: "Hey, national park workers! We're gonna have to shut you down!"

    National Park Workers: "Not again."

    Public: "Huh? Damn Republicans... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

    ReplyDelete
  3. THIS SMALL MINORITY OF RESCUMLICAN WINGNUT CONGRESSLOSERS SHOULD NOT BE HOLDING THE GOVERNMENT HOSTAGE!!!THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN AND THE US SUPREME COURT LED BY RIGHT WING ICON JOHN ROBERTS AGREED WITH THEM AND DECLARED THE AFFORDABLE CARE ACT CONSTITUTIONAL!!!! SO THIS MINORITY IS NOT RESPECTING THE MAJORITY OF VOICES!!!SORRY LOSERS YOUR OUTNUMBERED BY CLEAR THINKING CITIZENS SO GET IN LINE SHUT UP AND RESPECT THE LAW OK??!!!???!!I MEAN ARENT YOU WING NUTS ALL ABOUT THE LAW ENFORCEMENT AND COPS AND SOLDIERS AND THE CONSTITUTION AND STUFF???HUH???YEAH RIGHT THATS WHAT I THOUGHT!!!

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  4. So this is all a brilliant plot by BlackBerry? Well played, Canucks.

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  5. Janeane:

    So... what are you wearing?

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  6. I was talking to my married lesbian super liberal friend this morning and she honestly thinks the government is "shut down" as in totally closed and none of them will ever get paid. She even said there's a difference between "non-essential" and unnecessary. She thinks it's a bad thing and it's the evil republicans fault. I wonder where she got that idea? (hint, I've driven her car (an Audi ) and guess what the radio was tuned to?) This is a person intelligent enough to have a good job, live in a $900,000 house in a town that doesn't celebrate diversity in the least (aka, the liberal American dream) and yet she doesn't have a hint of a clue where this country is going. All because she listens to government sponsored propaganda every day. The saddest part of all is she came from Russia the USSR when she was 16, you know....to escape from the the evil Jew hating communists and what does she end up voting for?

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  7. Basil:

    You need to ask?

    It's enough that she's so cute with all her bulges.

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  8. Help! I've forgotten how to feed myself without the government being open! I'm naked cause I can't dress without government help! Lord knows you don't want a hungry, naked Walrus wandering the streets aimlessly, start government back up, pronto!

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  9. The countdown clock for the inevitable Republican cave-in begins.

    I long for some representation from someone who actually reads, understands, and follows the Constitution.

    However, living in CA that is just a pipe dream.

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  10. OH MY GOD, they shut down the national parks!

    1. We will be helpless against rampaging bison and bears and bill goats!

    2. Americans have lost the pioneer spirit and are unable to function in the WILD! We need the Park Rangers! Please Please fund government and open the parks again.

    3. Even walking paths are closed because it's not safe to walk. Walkers unite. Fund ObamaCare now so we can open walking paths!

    Just so you know, the above is a pile of whooie.

    I love rampaging bison. It's in their nature and we should not be trying to control them. (Global Warming because... or George Bush because...)

    Go around the Park Ranger stationed at the park entrance. He can't follow you and stop others at the same time. Besides, It's my park not Obamas. If there is no Park Ranger, cut the lock and head on in.(Take enough water to last the visit.) AND FUO!

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  11. Janeane, thank you for self-identifying as a loon by following this blog's ALL CAPS rule.

    Although I'm certain it won't do much good, I'll remind you that the Constitution of the United States of America and its amendments, including the Bill of Rights, was written to protect all Americans from the tyranny of the majority, regardless of which party they vote with. A majority vote does not trump the individual's rights.

    Perhaps you could explain your definition of majority? It seems apparent to anyone who has bothered to ask them, that the overwhelming majority of Americans polled (that would be more than half, by a bunch) are now opposed to Obamacare, now that they - as Pelosi would say - 'know what's in it'. In fact, the Republicans have a majority in the House precisely because of the content of, and the manner in which the unseated democrats passed Obamacare. Indeed, the voices of clear thinking citizens has been heard! They voted for Republicans to do exactly what they are now doing.

    In response to your request to shut up and respect the law - I am disinclined to acquiesce, until such time as your side shuts up and respects the immigration law, the First Amendment (the one that says freedom of religion, not from religion), the Second Amendment (the one that says I can have guns), the Tenth Amendment (the one that severely limits federal power), all voter ID laws, all concealed carry laws, and takes a bath.

    Yeah, right. That's what I thought!

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  12. As I feared, our government cannot even do a proper 'shut down'. The very first order of business should be to cut the utilities to all government buildings.

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  13. No 'Random Thoughts' so far today. If there's no 'Wisdom of the Day' at the end of the day either then the shutdown has actually deprived us of something worthwhile.

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  14. Does this mean my phone quits working, or just that no one is listening?

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  15. HEY COLDGUY ITS THE MINORITY TEABAGGERZ WHO ARE ACTING ALL TYRANNICAL NOT THE MAJORITY OF OPENMINDED PEOPLE WHO ARE BACKING ACA!!!THEYRE THE ONES SHUTTING DOWN AMERICAN GOVERNMENT NOT PRESIDENT OBAMA (YAY!!) WHOS ACTING COMPLETELY MODERATE ABOUT THIS AND NOT FOAMING AT THE MOUTH LIKE THAT LONG TALKING TEABAGGER CRUISE!!!YOUR CRAZY LOVE FOR WEAPONS OF DEATH VOTER OPPRESSION AND FORCING YOUR GOD ON EVERYBODY ELSE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT ACA IS THE LAW OF THE LAND AND YOU MUST RESPECT IT JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER LAWS!!!!!HEY YOUR BELOVED JOHN ROBERT SAID IT WAS SO THERE!!! WHAT??? NOTHING!!! THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!!!

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  16. If it's a law that has to be respected then why is Obama disrespecting it by not activating all it's provisions, THAT HE IS REQUIRED BY THE LAW ITSELF TO DO!!!11!! Sorry, got all excited there. Obama, law breaker. Obama, disrespector of the people's will. Any self respecting liberal should be upset with the President if they had any honor or principles. Since a bitter partisanship is all they have in their hearts and souls the rule of law is destroyed even as they wail, gnash their teeth and fail to grasp the concept of caps lock. They demonstrate a behavior better suited to a 3 year old than the adults they report themselves to be.

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  17. Walrus, you're missing Janeane Garofalo's main point, which is:

    "HEYCOLDGUYITSTHEMINORITYTEABAGGERZWHOAREACTINGALL

    TYRANNICALNOTTHEMAJORITYOFOPENMINDEDPEOPLEWHOARE

    BACKINGACA!!!THEYRETHEONESSHUTTINGDOWNAMERICAN

    GOVERNMENTNOTPRESIDENTOBAMA(YAY!!)WHOSACTING

    COMPLETELYMODERATEABOUTTHISANDNOTFOAMINGATHE

    MOUTHLIKETHATLONGTALKINGTEABAGGERCRUISE!!!YOUR

    CRAZYLOVEFORWEAPONSOFDEATHVOTEROPPRESSIONAND

    FORCINGYOURGODONEVERYBODYELSEHASNOTHINGTODO

    WITHTHEFACTTHAACAISTHELAWOFTHELANDANDYOUMUST

    RESPECTITJUSTLIKEALLTHEOTHERLAWS!!!!!HEYYOURBELOVED

    JOHN ROBERTSAIDITWASSOTHERE!!!WHAT???NOTHING!!!

    THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT!!!"

    I don't see how you could have missed it!

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  18. Im with #10. I will not comply.

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  19. @17 Sorry, I was being attacked by a Squirrel.

    ReplyDelete

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