Headline News

Real headlines from real news sites with not-so-real subheads

From Fox News:
Mathematicians Discover 13-Million-Digit Prime Number
Value given a name: "Bailout"

From Fox News:
Montana Grizzly Bear Relocated for Stealing Honey
Pooh gets new cellmate

From Fox News:
Man Allegedly Steals Uniform, Poses as Dodgers Player
Will start Monday

From Fox News:
Boardwalk Cartoon Character Fondles Customer, Could Be Deported
Ziggy falls on hard times

From Fox News:
Man Accuses Maryland Doctor of Stapling Buttocks Shut
Thought doctor was a "real ass"

From CNN:
Tribute: Who wouldn't want to be Paul Newman?
Anyone who is still alive

Fom CNN:
Alec Baldwin 'can't wait' to give up acting
It's now unanimous

From CNN:
Crab hitches ride on jellyfish
Obama, Biden campaign together

From CNN:
Russia aims to upgrade nuclear arsenal
Cold War 2.0 hits the shelves

From CBS News:
China Farmer Sentenced For Faked Rare Tiger Photos
Latest Internet craze: Chinese tiger porn

Headline News

Real headlines from real news sites with not-so-real subheads

From BBC:
Minorities set to be US majority
Definitions of words to be changed

From BBC:
Iran president holds Turkey talks
Ahmadinejad cements status as world's top turkey

From BBC:
Eagles released secretly in Scotland
Don Henley, Glenn Frey finally free

From BBC:
Inside the 'Hague Hilton'
Paris Hilton's cousin releases sex tape

From BBC:
Climate 'altering UK bird habits'
Impact of wind, rain on animals confirmed

From BBC:
Roman coffins discovered at dig
Scientists not sure why Romans buried coffins

From BBC:
Obesity 'equal to terror threat'
TSA to profile fat people

From BBC:
'Pump and Dump' scams targeted
Cops crack gas station restroom ring

From BBC:
Rocky remake leaves O'Brien cold
Conan rejects Sly Stallone's offer

From BBC:
Britney considering MTV comeback
Thankful channel stopped demanding talent in 1986

Headline News

Real headlines from real news sites with not-so-real subheads

From BBC News:
Mehdi Army 'stops carrying arms'
To carry legs, feet

From BBC News:
Bad spelling 'should be accepted'
Korekt speling iznt emportint

From CBS News:
Woman Riding A Donkey Fights Off Lion With Machete
Uncertain how lion got a machete

From CBS News:
Goats Slip Past Security Fence Near NYC Bridge
First goat trials at Gitmo scheduled for October

From Fox News:
Rep. Gives Plug to 'Paris Hilton Plan' in Energy Debate
Not first time Paris Hilton has been plugged

From Fox News:
Montauk Monster Mystery Goes Hollywood
Also tops Obama VP short list

From Fox News:
Five Puppies Cloned From Dead Pit Bull
Michael Vick to supply cloners for years

From Fox News:
Insider: Paris Hilton's Pipes Not Up to Roxie Hart Role in West End's 'Chicago'
Not first throat problem experienced

From New York Times:
Mars Takes M&M's Out of Their Shell
Now melts in mouth and in hand

From MSNBC:
Polar bear surprise sends scientists fleeing
Polar bear surprise removed from menu

Headline News

Real headlines from real news sites with not-so-real subheads

From BBC News:

Microsoft sees end of Windows era

Mac sale increase

From BBC News:

Georgia accused of lethal attack

Florida calls police

From BBC News:

Eight more deaths linked to bug

Killer aphid sought

From BBC News:

Parents forget child at airport

Kevin McCallister can't catch a break

From CBS News:

"Hidden" Van Gogh Found -- In Plain Sight!

Mary Shannon strikes it rich

From CBS News:

Woman, 97, Says Cat's Yowling Saved Her From Fire

Underwriters Laboratory approves burning cat fire alarm

From CNN:

'Underwear researcher' indicted

Attorney files briefs seeking dismissal

From CNN:

Chicago confronts a crime wave

Now in 171st year

From Fox News:

Researchers Recreate Universe's First Star

Second Obama created in laboratory

From Reuters:

Ancestor of T-Rex dinosaur unearthed in Poland

John McCain's baby brother found

Headline News

Real headlines from real news sites with not-so-real subheads

From Fox News:

The Butcher, the Barbers and the Fake Martian Monkey

Obama narrows vice-presidential short list

From Fox News:

Dinosaurs, Cavemen and Mammoths

McCain narrows vice-presidential short list

From Fox News:

Former Air Force Sergeant Sentenced for Killing Pregnant Wife With Hammer

Must reimburse Air Force $400 for hammer

From Fox News:

Hidden Portrait Found Beneath Van Gogh Painting

Original painting of dogs playing poker found

From CNN:

Cops: Cougar spotted on college campus

No striped cougars found

From Reuters:

Guantanamo court holds secret session

Don't tell anyone

From Reuters:

Verizon workers picket as union talks near deadline

Union asks management, "Can you hear me now?"

From Reuters:

IOC "surprised" by Games web censorship

Had no idea China would act like China

From CNN:

'Holy Grail' of baseball cards sells for $1.62M

'Life of Brian' card fails to draw bid

From AJC:

Dapper thieves in Cobb

Large supply of dappers stolen

Headline News

Real headlines from real news sites with not-so-real subheads

From BBC:

Fresh US sanctions for Zimbabwe

Old sanctions were stale, moldy

From New York Times:

Britain: Pair Sentenced in Faked Death

Sentenced to fake hanging

From AJC:

Minn. officers shoot bear with jar stuck on head

Winnie the Pooh killed

From BBC News:

Why Obama needs some jokes of his own

Michelle, Rev. Wright jokes are old

From BBC News:

Big reward after honeymoon murder

Ed Norton, Trixie sought

From CBS News:

Pest Exterminator Lost In Outback Survives On Bugs

Ran out of Chocolate Thunder From Down Under

From CBS News:

NASA Uses Remote Sand Dunes As Stand-in For Moon

Same as faked landings in 1969

From CBS News:

Cheech And Chong High On Reunion Plans

Cheech, Chong show up; Dave still not here

From Los Angeles Times:

Ancient T. rex tissue, or just old slime?

Debate over Sen. Robert Byrd continues

From Los Angeles Times:

Famine warning signs seen in North Korea

Leaders shocked to discover residents unable to eat enriched uranium, missile parts

Headline News

Real headlines from real news sites with not-so-real subheads

From ABC News:

Lawmakers Talk Bush Impeachment

Promise to have him out of office by January 21, 2009

From AJC:

Bodies of missing R.I. couple found in septic tank

Stewie Griffin arrested

From BBC:

Dead UK army dog handler is named

Looking forward to handling dead UK army dogs

From CBS:

Drop Smoking Without Picking Up Weight

Benefits of lung cancer touted

From CBS:

Fla. Woman Attacked By Fox, Then Shot In The Leg

Bill O'Reilly arrested

From Fox News:

Dwarf Tells Court Burglary Is Only Career for Man His Size

Life difficult since mine closed, Snow White moved away

From New York Times:

Mother Exhales After Son's Release in Colombia

Held breath until she turned blue

From NPR:

Sex Without Condoms Is The New Engagement Ring

How to show to friends, relatives, co-workers still being debated

From Reuters:

Dominatrix "sorry" for racing chief orgy row

Has been a bad girl and needs to be punished

From Reuters:

Underwear chicken dare puts man in hospital

Loses cockfight

Headline News

Real headlines from real news sites with not-so-real subheads

From BBC News:

New white whale spotted

Now a spotted whale

From CBS News:

McCain Makes Gains In Four Key States

Obama still leads in Iran, North Korea, Venezuela

From CBS News:

Obama's Daughters Aim For "Normal" Lives

McCain offers to help in November

From CNN:

Obama wins hearts, not minds, in Berlin

Obama continues to lead in mindless voters

From Fox News:

Mass. Mom Saw Only 1 Way Out of Foreclosure: Suicide

Still doesn't get to keep house

From Fox News:

Policeman Killed as Communists Storm Philippines Banana Farm

297,000,000 bananas freed

From Fox News:

U.S. Fentanyl Deaths Topped 1,000 Over Two Years

Obama demands US troops pull out of Fentanyl

From Fox News:

Complete Baby Tyrannosaurid Unearthed in Mongolia

New Hide-And-Seek record set

From MSNBC:

Scientists discover Jupiter-sized planet

Located between orbits of Mars and Saturn

From MSNBC:

Group: China world's top executioner

Texas demands recount

Headline News

Real headlines from real news sites with not-so-real subheads

From AJC:

McDonald's finds way to get Europeans to embrace fast food

McHaggis, Frog Nuggets debut on menu

From CBS News:

Italian Court: Jeans Do Not Prevent Rape

Other rulings include: Water is wet, Fire is hot

From CBS News:

Obama Shows Hawkish Side On Mideast Trip

Still afraid to face O'Reilly on Fox News

From CBS News:

Couple Claim Mysterious Noise Plagues Their House

Only occur when MTV is on

From CNN:

McCain, Obama causing marital tension

California wedding between candidates on the rocks

From CNN:

Study: Girls equal to boys in math skills

Test scores equal over 130% of the time

From CNN:

Ladies: 5 ways to get your sex life going

Ten, if you count the other hand

From CNN:

Obama tells Berlin: I am citizen of world

Withdraws from US presidential race, announces run for president of world

From Fox News:

Pack of Giant Bears Attacks Miners, Eats Two of Them

Yogi, Boo Boo sought for questioning

From Fox News:

Fossils Reveal Much Warmer Antarctic in Recent Past

Environmentalists blame Bush, time machine

Headline News

Real headlines from real news sites with not-so-real subheads

From ABC News:

Bank of America Beats Expectations

Expectations threaten to sue

From ABC News:

NASA Collects Urine to Test Space Toilet

If experiment fails, will really be pissed

From BBC:

Lesbos locals lose attempt to ban use of the term 'lesbian'

Plan B: Change city name to "Dykesville"

From BBC:

Computer mouse faces extinction

Sierra Club calls for ban on touch screens

From CNN:

Cruise ship dancer killed by police

Isaac, Gopher escape

From CBS News:

Obama: Surge Doesn't Meet Long-Term Goals

Has made US surrender nearly impossible

From Fox News:

Mars Phoenix Lander Pulls All-Nighter

"Space Probes Gone Wild" video series released

From Fox News:

Animal Shelter Will House Dogs Trained to Have Sex With Woman

Will attempt to teach dogs missionary position

From Fox News:

'View' Host Sherri Shepherd: 'I Had More Abortions Than I Would Like to Count'

Mother had one too few

From Fox News:

Star Explodes Unnotice

Al Qaeda claims credit

Headline News

Real headlines from real news sites with not-so-real subheads

From CBS News:

$550K "Wardrobe Malfunction" Fine Tossed

FCC now officially biggest boobs in Super Bowl half-time show

From CBS News:

Men Sentenced For Setting Friend's Crotch Ablaze

Barred for life from singing "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire"

From CNN:

Missing soldier found; husband charged

Obama calls for U.S. troops to pull out of Texas

From Fox News:

Doctors Say Baby Has Liver of 35-Year-Old Alcoholic

Alcoholic wants liver back

From Boston Globe:

9 alleged adulterers to be stoned to death

Clinton cancels trip to Iran

From Philadelphia Inquirer:

Ex-con sues AmEx, says it aided search for him

New slogan: Don't leave prison without it

From Philadelphia Inquirer:

Man flees police in underwear after traffic stop

Arrested after brief chase

From San Francisco Chronicle:

Man Awaiting Trial Tries To Slice Off Genitals

Tries to show prosecutor he's nuts

From AJC:

Wendy Williams, Omarosa battle on air

Dog fighting still illegal, bitch fights attract audience

From CNN:

Pay to have fish nibble the skin off your feet

Piranha 'R' Us opens first store

Headline News

Real headlines from real news site with not-so-real subheads

From Chicago Tribune:

Hotels get hip to the needs of 21st Century travelers

First lesson: No one says 'get hip' any more

From CNN:

Obama takes campaign overseas

Effort to meet with most vocal supporters

From CBS:

Iran Rules Out Suspending Uranium Program

Israel offers to help with suspending program

From Fox News:

Petraeus: Al Qaeda Could Be Moving Away From Iraq

Group plans move into White House in 2009

From Reuters:

Wal-Mart's fashion show previews back-to-school

Other Wal-Mart fashions include flip-flops, ripped jeans, and black bras with white t-shirts

From WTOV:

Weighed down body found in river

Tried to swim with more cement blocks than he could carry

From KIRO:

Experts mull elevator to space

Will skip 13th, 1300th, 13000th floors

From CNN:

Bush 'a total failure,' Pelosi says

Cites failure to achieve third term

From CNN:

Mount McKinley tour goes green

Tour will now be conducted outdoors

From New York Times:

As Gas Prices Rise, Police Turn to Foot Patrols

Ask gangs to convert to 'walk-by' shootings

Headline News

Real headlines from real news site with not-so-real subheads

From Fox News:

Woman Has Surgery on Giant 110-Pound Legs

Hillary expects full recovery

From Fox News:

Scientist: Pregnancy at 100 Possible in 30 Years

Still finds 70-year-old girlfriend 'hot'

From CNN:

Jimi Hendrix featured in 'Guitar Hero'

Game spinoff, 'Died-In-Own-Vomit Hero' expected in stores by Christmas

From CNN:

SciTechBlog: A "Green Pope"

Bishop of Mars leading candidate to replace pontiff

From ABC News:

Do Dems Have a Better Sense of Humor?

Obama candidacy revealed to be elaborate joke

From AJC:

Soccer players subdue nude man on plane

Team sprang into action once balls were in play

From LA Times:

Verne Troyer drops lawsuit over sex tape

So much fuss over such a little thing

From NY Times:

Obama Fund-Raiser Excludes a Senator-Turned-Lobbyist

Terrorists still welcome, supporters assured

From Reuters:

Ed McMahon sues hospital over injury

Summons notifies administrator, 'You may already be a plaintiff'

From Reuters:

Man claims Subway baked knife into sandwich

New 'Jailbreak Sub' flops

Headline News 2007-04-27

From Fox News:
6 Penn State Players Charged Over Off-Campus Fight
All future fights must be on-campus

From Fox News:
Georgia Wildfires Flare Up Again, Force Repeat Evacuations
Waycross destryed, damage in the dozens of dollars

From Fox News:
Massachusetts Catholic School Bars Same-Sex Couple From Prom
May apply again after entering priesthood

From Fox News:
Player Wounded in Shooting Sues Duquesne University
Blames PR department for not being as effective as Virgina Tech's

From Fox News:
Rhode Island College DJs Fired for Repeating Imus Comments
John Cleese leads stoning

From Fox News:
Ohio Fraud Defendant Released on Bond After Reciting Bible's 23rd Psalm
Judge sentences man to learn 8th Commandment

From Fox News:
Condom Found in McDonald's Happy Meal, Reports Say
Test markets of Really Happy Meal a success

From Fox News:
Drew Barrymore Named People Magazine's 'Most Beautiful' Person
People Magazine's "Hire the handicapped" program a success

From Fox News:
Spanish Judge Indicts 3 U.S. Soldiers Over Journalist Killing in Iraq
Charges reduced to misdemeanor when judge discoverd it was a journalist

From News Austrailia:
Harry's Head Priced At $625,000
Price is so high because it's never been used

Headline News 2007-04-26

From ABC News:
GOP Hopeful Huckabee's Son Arrested for Gun
Endorsed by NRA

From ABC News:
China Invites U.S. Food Inspectors
To include representatives from AKC

From ABC News:
Alec Baldwin Is Sorry
Rest of world discovers what conservatives knew years ago

From ABC News:
Sheryl Crow Clears the Air About Toilet Paper Comments
Now wearing Glade Plug-Ins

From ABC News:
Is Internet Love More Likely to End in Divorce?
Marriages hit Alt-F4

From ABC News:
Canada Announces Greenhouse Gas Targets
Greenhouse Gas Wal-Marts planned next

From ABC News:
N. Koreans on Hunger Strike in Thailand
Even starving Koreans won't eat Thai food

From ABC News:
Entrepreneur Enterprise
Ferengis buy starship

From ABC News:
Vivid New Pictures of a Violent Sun
Police called

From ABC News:
'Monster Mash' Singer Pickett Dies at 69
He's now a graveyard smash

Headline News 2007-04-25

From ABC News:
Dems Predict a Win on Iraq Pullout Vote
Thanks Al-Qaeda for support on vote

From ABC News:
Pelosi to Skip Top U.S. General in Iraq's Briefing
Couldn't cancel meeting with Osama

From ABC News:
26 Killed in Chinese Bus Crash
Chinese Fire Drill goes horribly wrong

From ABC News:
Queen of England to Pay Tribute to Virginia Tech Victims
Commissions Elton John to re-write "Candle In The Wind"

From ABC News:
Winnie the Pooh Forces Post Office Evacuation
Was shooting at Eyore

From ABC News:
What's Next for Ex-Duke Prosecutor, Players?
Players write book, "If I Did It"

From ABC News:
Life after rape in Congo
Kennedys show vacation pictures

From ABC News:
Cheney returns to work after leg check-up
Wound from Reid bite healing nicely

From ABC News:
Gay male parents get dedicated fertility program
Will be told where penis is supposed to go

From ABC News:
Men who want children should skip the hot tub
Hot tub sales skyrocket

Headline News 2007-04-24

From CNN:
Reid: Congress will pass Iraq bill within days
Urges president to sign surrender document

From CNN:
'Active' Castro meets China envoy
Filming begins for "Weekend At Fidel's"

From ABC News:
Letterman Plays Washington
Leno plays Jefferson

From ABC News:
Swedish Hospital May Ban Crocs
Alligators, Monitor Lizards may also be restricted

From ABC News:
Obama Blasts Bush's Leadership
Cites own months of experience

From Reuters:
U.S. sees 200th DNA conviction reversal
Still not reliable enough to convict O.J.

From Reuters:
Abbott makes AIDS drug offer to Thailand
Costello thwarts plan

From ABC News:
Ali, Ono Swing To the Top of 'Dancing'
Former heavyweight champ, Lennon widow surprise pair

From NY Daily News:
Hillary Loves Harriet Tubman
Thinks she's sexy

From BBC:
Crow calls for limit on loo paper
Fewer men wanting to date singer

Headline News 2007-04-20

From CNN:
Columbine survivor: Emotional roller coaster ahead
Being stalked by Michael Moore next

From CNN:
Students disgusted by killer's manifesto
Didn't approve of killing spree, either

From CNN:
Bush, Democrats fail to bridge differences over Iraq
Agreement not possible as long as Bush refuses to cut and run

From CNN:
Chinese officials crack down on bad English
Thousands charged with Vioration of Engrish Ranguage Raws

From CNN:
'Law & Order' renewal still uncertain
Network reserves right to nip Fred Thompson presidential run

From CNN:
Spector's jurors already think he's guilty
Having actually committed murder weighs against him

From CNN:
Congo criticized over child soldiers
Democrats still support Al-Qaeda child bombers

From CNN:
Fires threaten Georgia's Okefenokee refuge
Residents may have to start marrying outside family

From WGAL:
Police: Phony cop attacked woman
Phony woman had big suprise for phony cop

From KIRO:
Police: Burglar shoots self in foot
Barney Fife: A cop gone wrong

Headline News 2007-04-18

From ABC News:
Find Out How to Catch Depression Early
Join the Democratic Party

From ABC News:
White House Secret Service Hurt in Gun Mishap
Dick Cheney's gun safety class goes awry

From ABC News:
Majority Expect U.S. Will 'Lose' in Iraq
Democrats' strategy paying off

From ABC News:
Missing U.S. Teacher May Have Fallen Off Cliff
Cliff able to breathe again

From ABC News:
Christie's Auctions Prehistoric Objects
Date with Dick Clark fetches record amount

From ABC News:
In presidential race, French resign themselves to pragmatism
History of surrender finally pays off

From ABC News:
Whale Is Spotted in New York Harbor
Striped elsewhere

From ABC News:
Vivid New Pictures of a Violent Sun
Sol blamed for Va. Tech shootings

From ABC News:
'Amphibian Ark' Planned to Save Frogs
God's Plan B begins

From ABC News:
Charles Dickens Theme Park Set to Open
Most popular ride: Estella

Headline News 2007-04-17

From Reuters:
33 dead in Virginia shootings: university president
Reid, Pelosi call for U.S. to withdraw from Virginia

From Reuters:
Stone-throwing fracas mars Madonna's Malawi visit
How fracas obtained stones still unclear

From Reuters:
Asians fear backlash after Virginia school shooting
TSA takes over school security, to profile grey-haired grandmothers

From Reuters:
Virginia Tech massacre "senseless tragedy": Pope
Says Halocaust was tragedy that made sense

From Reuters:
Graceland lures Elvis fans 30 years after King's death
Graceland is such a slut

From Reuters:
O.J. Simpson book sale canceled
Public already knows how he did it

From Reuters:
U.S. woman first to run Boston marathon in orbit
Hard part was getting Boston in orbit

From Reuters:
White House threatens veto of drug price bill
Wants street price to come down

From ABC News:
Seattle Man Charged in Bizarre Duck Case
Earl Billings arrested

From Reuters:
Protesters burn effigies after Gere kisses Shilpa
Gerbil supporters riot