Showing posts with label Searching The Web. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Searching The Web. Show all posts

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Monkey Hillary Clinton

I got an odd search result the other day. Let me explain what I'm talking about for those that aren't familiar.

Google does the stats for this little blog. That includes page views (totals and per blog post page), audience (where, what browser, etc), and search results that led to the page. And that's what I noticed as a little odd.

Google said that the third most popular search result this week that people used to find this little blog was, and I quote, "monkey hillary clinton" -- no I am not making this up.

I don't think I've ever used the phrase "Monkey Hillary Clinton" ever in my life. Until now.

I'm not sure if it refers to this image of one of Hillary's Flying Monkeys:

Monkey Hillary Clinton

This one where we wonder who wore it better:

Monkey Hillary Clinton

Or this (which means we can do monkey pictures of politicians again):

Monkey Hillary Clinton

I'm not sure why anyonw would search for "monkey hillary clinton" or why such a search would turn up here.

But, if it's my destiny to be the one-stop shop for Monkey Hillary Clinton images and other items, so be it.

Of course, maybe they were searching for a monkey named Hillary Clinton. But why would someone name a monkey Hillary Clinton? I wouldn't. There is already a jackass with that name.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Search engine fun

Okay, maybe not fun. But it's been a while since I checked to see what people are looking for when some search engine sends them here. Since I'm bored (and actually avoiding something I need to be doing), I thought I'd check out the search engine stats. These are some of the most interesting ... or eye-catching ... search terms people used to get here. The most popular terms are at the top.
  • verizon vampire commercial - This is the new "jamie lynn spears naked." And tharere are multiple variations on this. But this variation, all by itself, is the top search term used to arrive here. Seems I had a post that contained a YouTube video of the Verizon commercial featuring a vampire. Only now, Verizon had them take it down. I didn't upload it; someone else did, and I embedded it here. I do have the original, though. I wonder why Verizon doesn't want people watching that commercial. And, no, I won't re-upload it.
  • jamie lynn spears naked - The old classic. Somehow, it never gets old. Thankfully, she is getting older. At least, now, she's 18, which means, I suppose, people searching for her are no longer searching for child porn.
  • hitler reacts - How can you go wrong with Hitler.
  • bender - Not sure what this is all about. Yes, I know he's the robot from Futurama, but still... here?
  • basil - Yay! Somebody came here actually looking for me. Instead of a vampire. Or child porn. Or a Nazi. Or a drunken robot.
  • fat film - I didn't realize I looked that much like Michael Moore. (I don't.)
  • bangelina - Which is, I suppose, like "Brangelina," but with more bang.
  • what happened to charles johnson - And the answer still remains, "Nothing happened to him; he's always been that way."
  • nancy pelosi workout video - Yes, I posted it.
  • rick sanchez - Must have been some DUI or hit-and-run story I wrote.
  • curling today - Probably not looking for that Beatles video. But I don't care.
  • boobs - Yay! Boobs!
  • best movies alphabetical - From a huge time-waster I inflicted upon myself.
  • obama - He's not real popular around here. Probably why it's so low on the list.
  • kfc wednesday special - Yes, this actually appears right next to the previous one. I'm not racist. But search engine users are.
  • 888-304-2632 -  Seems somebody else gets letters from Chase.
Now you see why I don't check the search engine logs all that often.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Google likes me better than Instapundit

Earlier tonight, I wrote a post about Religion vs Spirituality.

Visitor logs (yes, I know when you're here) showed that someone came here by doing a Google blog search on "spirituality."

At the time, this blog was the top search result. Above Instapundit. Who I quoted in my post.


Now, does this mean that I've Instapundited Instapundit? Or does Google just like me better?

Heck, I don't care. I'll take it. I'm a Google-whore if there ever was one.

Monday, August 7, 2006

Number One, Now What?

This little blog is the top search return on Google for "basil."

Number one.

Let's think about it for a second.

My name is Basil. We've covered that before. It's pronounced BAZ-il. Short "a" sound (cat, fat, mat, bat), accent on the first syllable. We've covered that.

The thing is, not only is it my name, it's the name of others. For instance:
There are more, of course. But you get the idea. Lots of famous ... and nearly famous ... people.

Then, there's the fact that "basil" is also the name of an herb. Pronounced "BAY-zil." Long "a" sound (cake, fate, mate, bait), accent also on the first syllable. Lots of people mispronounced my name that way.

Also, there are a truckload of Websites dedicated to recipes involving basil.

Anyway, the point is all those people ... real and fictional ... have Websites. As does the herb and recipes involving the herb.

And this little blog ranks above them all ... insofar as Google is concerned.

What's up with that?!

Number one Google search for "Basil." Or "basil." You pick.

Proof the world's going to Hell in a handbasket.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

If it wasn't for little girls, and the perverts who want to see them naked, I'd have only have about half the visitors I have today. Well, maybe more than half. But not much.

Of the last 1000 visitors, 380 came looking for young females. And, no, I don't mean baby pictures on a bear skin rug or such. I'm talking some mostly pre-teens or early teens with no clothes.

And I'm benefiting from this! That's just wrong. And, my writing about it might just make it worse. But, you know what? If someone comes here looking for naked teens (or naked pre-teens), they're going to be disappointed. And maybe, just maybe, the extra disappointment will cause them to stop. Or delay them long enough for Mom or Dad to come in and catch them.

Unless, of course, it's Mom or Dad doing the searching. Didn't think about that, did you?

Well, bear with me a moment as I talk to the little pervs that are looking for naked teens.

Hey, pervy. The naked girls you're looking for aren't here. You won't find them here. Google lied to you. Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Oh, guess what? I know your IP Address, too.

What's that? You don't know what an IP Address is? Well, why don't you go Google that? You might learn something. But, suffice it to say, you got one. And I know what it is.

And I can look it up! And see where it is!

Okay, okay, there are ways to masking that, and maybe, just maybe, you know how to do that and have done that. But, I don't think so. You see, if you were smart enough to do that, you'd be smart enough to know you won't find Jamie Lynn Spears here. Or here. Or any naked teens. Or any naked pre-teens.

But you did come here looking for them, didn't you? You know why? Because you're a dumbass. Oh, and your mama dresses you funny.

Now, shut your computer off and go tell your mama what you been doing. I hope she beats your ass.

Okay, I'm all better now. I just needed to get that out of my system.

How about you? You got anything you feel the need to tell those pervs? Leave a comment. Or perhaps something on your blog.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Search Engine Disappointments X

Yes, it's been a while since I looked at the search engine queries that people have used to get to this little blog. There have been a couple of reasons for this.

When I was doing this on a regular basis a couple of months back, it did something which is sort of funny, but then again, not really funny. My blogging about odd results caused those very results to appear again in the search engine results. I was Google-bombing myself. Sometimes that's good. Sometimes, it's not. For instance...

Sunday, April 3, 2005

Search Engine Disappointments IX

Some new search phrases showed up on the logs this week. Some, of course, are obvious. But there were some that I haven't figured out. Or, while accurate, were NOT what the person was searching for. Here are some of the ones that caught my eye. Note that the ranking may change. But these numbers are accurate at the time I checked.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Search Engine Silliness IV

Our weekly round-up of posts related to Search Engines.

The Blog War with Sortpundit has taken much time, but we've still managed to find some posts related to Search Engines this week. In no particular order, here are this week's posts:

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Search Engine Disappointments VIII

Trying to reel it in a little this week. I've pared the listings of the search phrases that people have used to get to this blog. Some are surprising in that this little blog is a search result. And those must be real disappointments to those that came here looking for stuff that just isn't here.

For instance:

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Search Engine Silliness III

One of the best and worst things about the Internet are the Search Engines, such as Google, Yahoo!, MSN Search, and such. They can many times be very helpful and assist you in locating just what you want. But they aren't always the easiest to use, particularly to beginners. They also frustrate experts on occasion.

This is the third in an open-ended series of wrap-ups of interesting, frustrating, funny, or just plain odd posts related to Search Engine Silliness.

Search Engine Disappointments VII

Checking this week's visitor logs was a little different, because the Great Blog War against Sortapundit. Still, it was interesting to see some new and unusual searches used to find this little blog. And, it's quite evident from some of them that they weren't looking for this little blog.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Search Engine Silliness II

One of the best and worst things about the Internet are the Search Engines, such as Google, Yahoo!, MSN Search, and such. They can many times be very helpful and assist you in locating just what you want. But they aren't always the easiest to use, particularly to beginners. They also frustrate experts on occasion.

This is the second in an open-ended series of wrap-ups of interesting, frustrating, funny, or just plain odd posts related to Search Engine Silliness.
  • Rachael Ray Redux sent us a list of questions and answers she figured people wanted to know, based upon the search phrases people used to find her.
  • We saw where Dizzy Girl has people searching her site for what doesn't exist.
  • baldilocks has looked at the new Firefox Search Engine.
  • Conservative Cat is locked in a battle with "liberal cat" at GoogleFight.
  • GOP and the City shows off a Google ranking.
  • ManicViking was Googling for pictures of John Wayne, then one thing led to another...
  • Six Meat Buffet found some unusual search terms used to find his blog.
  • Vince Aut Morire found a couple of unusual Google searches used to find his blog.
  • WuzzaDem has some odd Google searches.
  • The Gleeson Bloglomerate is top search result for ... let's let Sean explain.
If you have an interesting post we've missed that you'd like to share, please leave a TrackBack to that post, and please link to this post so that others can enjoy the fun. You can alway use Adam Kalsey's Simpletracks form, or the Wizbang Standalone Trackback Pinger if you don't have the capabilities on your blog. TrackBacks will show here.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Search Engine Disappointments VI

Checking the logs again this week has show that people do indeed search for some odd things on the Internet. And there are some odd searches that return this little blog. Some of the search results are obvious. Some are truly odd. But these are the ones that, for one reason or another, caught my eye. Of course, we have to begin with:

Hall of Fame

Google: gizoogle
Top five. This is, by far, the top search that sends traffic here. Thizzanx fo` tha hits.


Paris Hilton


Google: "Paris Hilton's Cell Phone Number "
Top 10 still. Paris-related searches are the number two search engine draw for this little blog. Oh, and her number used to be 310-990-7444, but she changed it, so don't call that number, okay?

Google: THE NIGGAS AT DFNCTSC
Number one!! Paris Hilton's hackers have sent lots of traffic this way.


Naughty

Saturday, March 5, 2005

Search Engine Silliness I

Although I'm a new blogger (first post was December 8, 2004), I've been using computers a lot longer. For over a quarter of a century, in fact. It wasn't the same back then. Things have really changed. One thing that has been of particular fascination to me has been search capabilities.

Currently, the big boy in the search world is Google. Before that was Yahoo! And, at other times, others have been "the one to use." The latest to join the fray is Microsoft's MSN Search.

None of them work exactly like the casual user would expect. There are some that say "You gotta know how to use them," and that makes sense. But, a really good search interface would be easier for the casual user. And that's hard to do do. And, if anyone ever accomplishes that, they'll get rich.

Anyway, all this is leading up to the fact that search engines return some stuff that you really aren't looking for. Of course, some people really search for some strange stuff.

I'm not the only one that's been either the victim or the beneficiary of odd searches or odd search results.



These are just some of the one I found. I found more by some of the same folks.

If you want to play along, leave a link to one of your posts related to search engines in the comments or trackback, or e-mail me here. I plan to have another roundup next weekend.

Search Engine Disappointments V

Once again, we dive into the visitor logs to see who came to visit by the Search Engine route. That's actually pretty common. What's not common is what some folks are searching for. This little blog shows up as results on some surprising searches.

Not only did we show up, but folks actually clicked on us, possibly thinking they'd find what they were searching for.

Hot Chicks and Dudes
Google: private x-films
Top 10. Thought I doubt they were looking for us.

Google: "Lauren Green" panties
Top ten. We got her CD. But not her panties.

MSN: janette jackson nude
Number one. But she's not here.

MSN: jamie-lynn single panties pictures
Another number one. And another disappointed horny teen.

MSN: Jamie Lynn Spears naked
Top five. And a disappointed horny teen, no doubt.

MSN: nude pictures of jeff gannon
Top five. And a disappointed democrat.

MSN: naked oklahoma collage girls
Top 15. And a disappointed student at Connors State College.

Google: knoxville cheating wives
Just missed top 200 on this. I guess we need to do more Knoxville slut-blogging.

Yahoo!: waycross cheating wives
Number four. We must do enough Waycross slut-blogging.

MSN: tall girls 6'2" with big butts
Top ten. And a disappointed horny teen.

Yahoo!: charlie sheen boxers or briefs
Top ten. And since you asked, commando.

Paris Hilton and Her Niggas
Google: the niggas at dfnctsc
Number two. Paris, you're a gold mine! I'd call you if I could find your number. All I have is your old one.

Yahoo!: 310-990-7444
What I don't understand is, if they found Paris Hilton's old telephone number, why are they still searching?

Google: "paris hilton's phone number"
Top 20.

Royalty
Google New Zealand: charles and camilla cartoons horsey look
Most of the search results were left-wing sites. Go figure. As nice and polite as most of them are.

MSN Canada: Camilla Parker Bowles & Prince Charles cartoon
Top 20.

Google: charles p.a.g. mountbatten-windsor
Numbe one. That's scary. Heir to the throne, and we're top hit on his name.

Basil
Google Turkey: basil's truck wall paper for baby
Number two. You know, if I was a musician, that would be the name of my next album.

Google: basil
Top ten. Top blog. And now ahead of Sherlock Holmes.

MSN: basil's blog
Number one! Take that, Kevin Basil. You too, Basil Baker.

Google: what is basil
Number six. But now they know.

MSN: basilsblog.net
Number one. And two. And three. And... well, you get the idea. I wonder what they expected.

Google: basil leave picture
You mean a newer one?

Google: BASIL MARGOLIS
Top ten. No, the doctor isn't in the house.

Other Blogs/Bloggers
Google: imao
Top 15. What I don't understand is why they scrolled down to me. I mean, I'm not even on the BlogRoll over there.

MSN: link:thegooberqueen.blogspot.com
Top 30. Not high enough to get her to add me to her BlogRoll.

MSN: heimonen /2 mark
Number three. Sorry about that groupThink.

Google: macbeauland
Number two. And he still won't BlogRoll me. And I'm from his neck of the woods.

Google: mike gallagher bloggers
Top ten. I don't think he'll BlogRoll me any time soon.

Google: evil glenn
Number one. Again. But guess who's number four? That's right. Instapundit! Bwahahahaha!

MSN: blogger/babe
Top 20. Maybe I'll get nominated this time.

Other Celebrities
MSN: marcelo rossi
Top five. Some Rossi fan is probably still looking for the Elton John cover CD.

MSN: Conservative Republican Allen Keys' lesbian daughter
Number one. Ahead of Washington Monthly and National Review.

Google: clint eastwood pedophile rumors
News to me.

Google: harvey birdman terror level
Top 20. And I don't have anything on this. But it's a funny show.

Crime
Google: "thomas e. mails" & "ward churchill"
Top ten. That post is still dragging in hits. No, he hasn't been charged. But uncharged forgery is still forgery, right?

Google Australia: vernon yancey murder trial result feb 2005 alabama
On the search, we're no longer around. Maybe, one day, he'll no longer be around, either.

Yahoo! btk items for sale on ebay
No we don't have any. Now go away.

Other Searches
Google: gizoogle
Number two. This search has retaken the number one spot from Paris Hilton for searches that lead to this site.

Yahoo!: black eye peas url
That's a band, I found out. I wondered why we were getting hits like this. And it took me like, oh, five seconds to find their Website.

Google Australia: Moehawk squirrels
Number one! This ought to make someone happy.

Google: jeremy waxman sos russia us airways
Number two. But not what they expected, to be sure.

MSN: columbus georgia burger king pictures
Top ten. Somebody's starting the World's Most Unusual Scrapbook.

Google: resealable socks
Top five. Adrian Monk surfs the Net.

Yahoo! UK: bernie ancog
Top five. And, no, he's not here. Try the Philippines.

MSN: school system dropouts in 30318 zip code
Number two. And this from a former high-school graduate.

Google: Hippie's opinion of Vietnam
Top 15. But who really cares?

UPDATE: I've been thinking about something. Something someone suggested. Related to this topic. Might try it this evening.

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Search Engine Disappointments IV

It never ceases to amaze me what people search for on the Internet. It amazes me further the searches that return this site. Here's some of what lead (or mislead) people here the last few days.

Paris Hilton and Her Niggas
Google: GG FGT SLT BTCH DFNCTSC
Was number one. And there were a truckload of hits from this and variations on this. And a bunch of disappointed folks, I'm sure.

Google: "Paris Hilton's phone number"
Top fifteen. My fault for actually posting it, I guess.

Google: the niggas at dfnctsc
Number two! And not only in the US, but also the UK, Sweden, Switzerland, India, New Zealand, Belgium, and others.

Gizoogle
Google: gizoogle
This used to be the top search that lead to hits here. Paris Hilton and her cell phone took its place. Oh, by the way, we're number two on Google for this search.

Yahoo!: gizoogle
We are number two on Yahoo!

Chicks
MSN: janette jackson listen to her music
We're top search result. And here's the irony: The reason appears to be the earlier post where someone did a search on this same phrase. We'll see them again in about a week. Some folks never learn.

MSN: jamie lynn bra
We were Top 10 and don't know why. Some horny teen was disappointed.

MSN: the office website of jamie lynn spears
Number One! Woo-hoo! Wonder if this was the same disappointed horny teen. Maybe we should put up a site for the girl. Any volunteers?

MSN: sinead oconnor hot press 2005 interview
No longer showing. Still don't know why we ever did.

MSN: mr. britney spears speaks out
Was as high as bumber 10. But farts.com was higher. Really.

MSN: lucci emmy acceptance speech transcript
Top 15. And they were sorely disappointed.

Yahoo!: midget+strippers+georgia
Top 10. Which is scary. Almost as scary as the searcher.

MSN: msnbc news jane fonda eating disorder
No longer showing. Besides, I didn't know she had one.

MSN: big tit strippers
We made top 20 and some teen mad.

Google: 42 8 jane%@al.com 2005
Top ten. And a disappointed stalker, I'm sure.

Gotta Eat
Google: kfc buffet
We had joked about looking up KFC's menu online. Somebody actually did it.

Google: JUST BREAKFAST
We were Top 500, but no longer.

Basil
MSN: basil spell
We're number five. Behind pathwalkers.com, paganlore.com, candlesupply.com, and marijuana.org.

Google: basil the basil
Have since moved up to number two for this one. Maybe I can use this as my nickname.

Google Canada: basil treaty
It must be comforting to our friends in the Great White North to know that we're still top five. Out of 61,900.

Google: basil is
Top 10. Moving up!!

MyWay: basils blog
Number five. Behind two other "Basil's Blog," both of which are inactive.

Current Events
Google: the simpsons recap "february 20 2005" gay
We were Number One, but have dropped! Still somebody was sorely disappointed.

Yahoo!: Male Genital Snow Sculpture Shocks Drivers pictures
Number Six. But guess what was number one? Disneyland! Really. I don't remember that ride. And I think I would.

MSN: msn today ,16 february 2005
Moved up to Top 25 on this one. Go figure.

MSN: mr magoo bank robber
Top 10. And all the hits above and the first few below are reputable sites.

Google Germany: "george vii" "charles iii"
Some German lookin for a relative, no doubt. Oh, Top 25.

Critters
MSN: penquin cartoon
Top 20 for this odd entry.

MSN: washed up mermaids
We're number three. Which makes me wonder: whatever happened to Ariel?

Yahoo!: monkeys lunch
We're number two.

Google: sailor marine jokes sheep
Top 10. No brag. Just a fact.

Yahoo!: filthy monkey
Was up to Number 42 but has since dropped. I guess I still need to clean my monkey.

Entertainment Media
Yahoo!: photo of sammy davis jr kissing archie bunker
Numbers 17 and 32. And we don't even have the picture.

Google: "the onion"
Top 40. Mention that site one time and you never live it down.

FullReviews: www.keanu reeves cbsnews.com
No longer showing. Thank goodness. This is sorta scary, if you think about it.

MSN: constantine finger scene
Top 5. And no idea what this person is searching for.

Google: ms rigg's sitcom
Top ten. And after looking at the results, I still don't know what they were after.

Blogging
Google: evil glenn
Back up to number one. Oh, and Oddybobo was number one. But dropped. Probabably because Oddybobo won't link to this site. Must have a case of FrankJitis.

Google: "nickie goomba"
Top 5. Not bad considering he won't link here.

Google: Blog Clogger
Number Two! I wonder if Denise gets any business from that post.

Google: blog truckstop
Top 15. This sounds like a Steven King book, doesn't it?

Other Searches
MSN: my homesite naked
Top ten. I wonder what they were really after.

MSN: what are michael jordans kids names are?
For some reason we were number one for some reason. Never have I written about Michael Jordan never. And at no time have I written sentences like that at no time. However, we're dropped way down in the search results, however.

Yahoo!: picture's of black eye peas
Number one and I don't know why. But at least they aren't looking for porn. Unless "black eye peas" means something I don't know it means. Hmmm.

Google: "alex winter" israel
Again, someone really disappointed. Probably Alex Winter. Bogus!

Google: work hello boys
Top 15. Not sure what they were really after.

Google: ace of spades in fireworks mx
Top 15. And top blog in the results.

MSN: usage movie of condoms
No idea why we're top ten. Behind Bjork's Greatest Hits on Amazon.

Google Canada: "one of us one of us"
Another Top 10.

Google: truth or dare
Top 10. Even n Belgium! But probably disappointed someone.

Stuff like this is why I don't trust search engines.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Search Engine Disappointments III

I'm sure people have very valid reasons for searching the Internet for the things they serarch the Intenet for. One of those reasons appears to be that they are smoking crack. As proof, look at what people searched the internet for and wound up here.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Search Engine Disappointments II

Following up an earlier post, I find it interesting some of the Web searches folks do that turned up this site. I'm even more amazed that some people actually clicked on the results, thinking they'd find what they were looking for.

Looking For Females



Current Events



Religion



Gotta Find Me A Blog



Other Web Related



Struck Me As Odd



Other



I'm always amazed what people are looking for. I'm also amazed that I would turn up as a hit on the search.

Wednesday, February 9, 2005

So, How Did You Get Here?

Some people come to this site because they saw something on another site that sparked an interest. Perhaps it was "Yeah, let's see what else he has to say!" Or maybe it was, "Ha ha. Maybe there's more funny on his site." Or maybe, "I've got to see what kind of loser this clown is."

Other times, people get here by using a search engine such as Google or Yahoo! or something. Those don't always get what they thought they would get.

Nekkid wimmin:

Looking for basil:

Current events:

Style, perhaps?:

Crime:

Religion:

Other:

I've only been tracking this for a couple of weeks. Other search hits in the past have caught my eye, but I didn't make a note of them. I'm going to keep an eye on this stuff. There's no telling what people are looking for when they run across someone like me.


Posted at Beltway Traffic Jam


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