MST3K: Episode 202 - The Side Hackers

I'm watching all of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes in order. More about that can be found here and here.

Episode 202: The Side Hackers

First aired: The Comedy Channel on 29 September 1990
Availability: Amazon (Volume 3), Rhino (Volume 3/out of print), MST3KVideos.com

Jerry (R) and Sylvia (L) get the Mads ready

This is one of those that used to be available, but no longer. The Side Hackers (or The Sidehackers) was part of a three-movie four-pack (the other disc was a collection of short subjects, not an MST3K episode). The collection is out of print, but the other two movies have since been released as single episode discs, leading me to believe the rights to this movie expired, and that's what caused the four-pack to be removed from sale. I don't know that, just making a guess, but that would explain it.

I have the Rhino four-pack, and have ripped the episode out to iTunes, so I can watch it whenever I want. I don't want to very often, because, well, this isn't a good film. And, it's not one of their better efforts with the riffing.

Cambot joins the fun

This is also the movie that was responsible for ... well, let's call it a "learning experience." Here's what happened. The MST3K writing team previewed a portion of a film before making the decision to include it in the show. Note, "a portion of a film" means "not the entire film."

After selecting it, when the writers watched it to riff it, they were shocked by the brutal rape/murder scene. I've seen those scenes. They aren't something you'd want or expect to see on a show airing on a comedy network. The problem was, the rape/murder was a major plot point of the film. They could have made several cuts to omit the most graphic and disturbing (not the same thing, in this instance) images, and still get across the point that the girlfriend was raped and murdered. But, the easiest thing to do was to cut several minutes out of the film and have Crow utter the line, "For those of you playing along at home, Rita is dead."

"J.C" (Mike Nelson, R) and "Cooch" (Frank Conniff)

According to The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, after this episode, they never gave the green light to a film without watching the whole film first.

The plot of the film isn't actually sidehacking, which, by the way, is a real sport -- the first world championship was in 1980, 11 years after this film was released. No, the plot of the film is the battle between J.C. and Rommel. Sidehacking is simply a background part. It could have been Tiddlywinks or Lawn Darts or Mumblety-peg.

The movie begins light-hearted enough. Racing and laughing everyone's having a blast. Yes, it's all fun and games until the rape and murder.

And, for the second show in a row, the hero dies at the end. Such a depressing film. I'm not saying the film shouldn't have been shot, but it should have been left for dead afterwards. Not a good film.

"Hai Kiba!"

Meanwhile, in Deep 13... We briefly saw Jerry and Sylvia, the Mole People in the last episode. This episode, they appear again, applying makeup to the Mads. It looks like the Mole People are running the camera and such for the Mads for their communication with Joel. In Season One, Drs. Forrester and Erhardt used some little joystick control to run the camera themselves.

And, on the Satellite of Love... Cambot gets into the action.

We've seen Tom Servo and Crow riff the movies. We even saw Gypsy make a brief appearance in the theater, though she didn't riff the film. And, while Cambot has been there the whole time -- that's how we can see Joel & the Bots doing Joel & the Bots stuff -- he's been an observer only.

Until now.

J&tB make music

Cambot puts up some on-screen graphics in the style of ESPN of that era: the musical note, the image sizing in to leave a right and bottom border that was filled with updates. Joel acknowledges the riff on the movie.

Mike Nelson appears again, this time as J.C. from the movie, along with Cooch, played by Frank Conniff. They finally figured out how to close the screen on the hexfield viewer.

"Hai Kiba!" (or "Hi Keeba") makes another appearance during the fight between J.C. and Rommel. It's shouted by Crow when Rommel flips J.C. during their fight. The phrase is from Episode 104 - Women of the Prehistoric Planet.

Oh, there's music in this episode. Lots of music. In fact, two of the Host Segments are made up of musical numbers. We'll see more and more of this to come.

As I mentioned earlier, this isn't my favorite episode. Mostly, because of the movie. It's a bad movie, and an unpleasant movie. J&tB make it better, but that's a relative term. You can only polish a turd so much.

---

<< Previous episode

Next episode >>

MST3K: Episode 201 - Rocketship X-M

I'm watching all of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes in order. More about that can be found here and here.

Episode 201: Rocketship X-M

First aired: The Comedy Channel on 22 September 1990
Availability: MST3KVideos.com

And so Season Two begins. This episode isn't available commercially, and never has been. It's a good one, though.

Cambot gets a new look and Joel gets a new jumpsuit

The opening song lyrics don't change, though the visuals do. They still refer to Joel as "another face in a red jumpsuit," and in the opening, that's what he's wearing. Some of the time. Later in the opening, he's wearing a different-colored jumpsuit. Teal or something.

Cambot looks different. This is the third version of Cambot during the life of the show.

In the KTMA season, he was separate from the camera. In Season One, he was integrated into the camera, and looked a lot like the KTMA Gypsy. Now, in Season Two, he looks more like a camera.

This episode is also where, during the opening credits, Cambot's image is shown in the mirror. It'll be a mirror image from here on out, though he does make a couple of more changes in appearance along the way.

The bridge of the Satellite of Love has a new look. They have Joel putting the finishing touches on Tom Servo's new voice. As he tweaks it, the are references to Dick Tufeld's Robot B-9 from Lost In Space, Douglas Rain's HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey, and Jackie Vernon's Frosty the Snowman, finishing with a voice that has a hint of the Mighty Voice that Josh used. But, it was a different voice.

Frank replaces the "missing" Dr. Erhardt.

We also get to meet Frank for the first time -- other than his being in the opening theme -- and he makes an impression. He's not Josh ... but he is Frank. I immediately like the character.

Late in the episode, Michael J. Nelson makes his first on-screen appearance (his voice had been heard in Episode 104 - Women of the Prehistoric Planet). Of course, he'll be wearing a dress.

The movie itself is bad. Bad science, bad plot, bad special effects, bad writing, and even some bad acting. But good riffing. Very good riffing.

Despite how bad the movie is, I counted up the number of times I've seen the actual film, the non-MST3K version. The number I came up with was 27. Seriously, 27 times. That's not because it's a good movie. It's not. But, it's one of those silly Men In Space movies from the 1950s. I loved those when I was a kid. If I saw it when I was a kid, I can watch a bad sci-fi movie again and again. Note: "when I was a kid."

"Oh look, it looks like an Al Jaffee Mad Magazine fold in."

Oh, and, I've seen this MST3K episode a few times, too. This was one of the first non-commercial releases I obtained.

In years past, I saw mostly Mike-hosted shows when the show was on the air, though I did also see some Joel-hosted shows. When I began obtaining episodes of MST3K, I got what was commercially available. It was later that I stumbled onto the whole MSTiverse of swapping episodes that aren't commercially available.

As much as I loved this movie as a kid -- hey, I was young and stupid -- I love this episode of MST3K that trashes the movie. This seems to be the perfect MST3K movie. And some of the riffs had me laughing out loud.

"Valaria" isn't quite as hot as she seemed in Robot Holocaust, for some reason

One in particular involved the death of a character. Yes, that's horrible. But it was Noah Berry, Jr.'s Maj. William Corrigan, who went on and on about Texas. When the Martians encountered the astronauts and attacked them with large boulders, one hit Corrigan, killing him. Servo, fed up with the character's constant Texas-talk, chimed in, "They got rocks that big in Texas?" I still laugh when I hear that.

Oh, one final though about this episode. It shows the advantage to watching episodes in order. When I first saw this episode, and I saw Mike's Valaria, I had no idea who the character was supposed to be. Now, having seen Episode 110: Robot Holocaust, I get it.

This is Mike's first on-camera appearance. He'll make a lot more before he takes over the host role from Joel in Season Five.

A couple of other things begin with this episode. Joel finally gets a last name.

Joel's character finally gets a last name.

In the KTMA season, he went by Joel Hodgson, because it was his name. In Season One, he was referred to simply as "Joel" and his character didn't appear in the credits, though Joel Hodgson did. In this episode, the "Joel" character finally appears in the credits, with the last name "Robinson" ... the same name as the Lost In Space family.

Two other things begin here. The term "Shadowrama" makes its debut. Also, the phrase "Keep Circulating The Tapes" appears in the closing credits.

"Keep Circulating The Tapes"

Some people still do. Although they aren't tapes any more. Most are DVDs. And that's how I got this episode.

---

<< Previous episode

Next episode >>

Microsoft apps

Microsoft is developing a new app for their phones. And a lot of people are getting their panties in a wad over it.

The app is still under development, but word of it has leaked out, as has the working title of the app: Avoid The Ghetto.

According to the patent filing, the app is to help a pedestrian avoid "traveling through an unsafe neighborhood or being in an open area that is subject to harsh temperatures." It uses weather data, crime stats, and such to make the determination.

Well, the NAACP is all up in arms over that. Or is going to be:

“I’m going to be up in arms about it if it happens,” said Dallas NAACP President Juanita Wallace.

Wallace spent her afternoon at a rally on Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. and said she felt safe there, but fears the app may project otherwise.

“Can you imagine me not being able to go to MLK Blvd. because my GPS says that’s a dangerous crime area? I can’t even imagine that,” she said.

The thing she's missing is that it won't say that MLK Boulevard is a high crime area unless, well, stats show it's a high crime area.

You think maybe the problem isn't that people are pointing out that crime occurs, but that crime occurs? Nah, that'd make too much sense to actually address the real problem, when fake outrage over fake problems is much more fun.

But, you know, maybe Microsoft is on to something. I wonder what other apps they could develop.

• Avoid The Idiots. Using voter registration roles, it could find where Democrats live, and then you could avoid having to deal with idiots.
• Avoid The Tide. Using college records, it could find where Alabama fans live and help you not get someone's wang thrust in your face.
• Avoid The Crazy Women. Using information from Facebook, dating sites, and news stories, it will help you avoid hooking up with the future Ex-Mrs. Ex-Speaker Of The House.

There are probably several apps that could be developed that would be of benefit.

Maybe I need to rethink my position on Microsoft being all evil and such.

MST3K: Season One wrapup

I consider myself a fan of Mystery Science Theater 3000. However, I haven't seen all of the episodes. I've seen all the Mike shows, but not all the Joel shows. And, until recently, I hadn't seen any of the shows with Dr. Erhardt (Josh Weinstein, who also voiced Tom Servo).

We just finished Season One and are getting ready for Season Two. But, before we start MST3K's sophomore year, let's get a wrapup of Season One.

Between the KTMA season (Season Zero or Season K) and Season One, Josh (now J. Elvis) Weinstein met Michael J. Nelson and thought he'd be a good addition to the team. He was hired to "do some typing." That began as being typist for the existing crew of writers: Trace Beaulieu, Joel Hodgson, Jim Mallon, Kevin Murphy, and Josh Weinstein.

MST3K promotes Mike

They soon found out that Mike Nelson was a funny guy, and he became one of the writers. In Season Two, he was promoted to Head Writer.

Mike made his first appearance in the last episode of Season One, Episode 104 - Women of the Prehistoric Planet. Well, "appearance" isn't the right word. He provided the voice. He'll show up on-screen in Season Two.

Josh, who had originally suggested bringing Mike in, wasn't as happy with a scripted show as he was with the ad-lib nature of the KTMA season. After Season One wrapped, he left the show.

That meant that two openings needed to be filled: Tom Servo needed a voice, and Dr. Clayton Forrester needed an assistant.

MST3K gets a new Servo

Kevin Murphy, who had been with the show since the start, took over as the voice of Tom Servo. He's the only Tom Servo I ever knew until I decided to watch all the old shows. Now, after 31 straight episodes with Josh Weinstein (the 18 that still exist from the KTMA season, plus the 13 from Season One), I'm used to Josh in the role. Let's see how long it takes me to get used to Kevin again.

Frank Conniff, who was a comedian they crew was very familiar with, was hired as "Frank," a trainee to assist Dr. Forrester. He'll make his appearance in the first episode of Season Two. Frank Conniff was actually referenced in the KTMA season (Episode K14 - Mighty Jack). He'll be one of the writers, as well as the primary guy to pick the movies to riff.

Frank Conniff plays "Frank"

Joel went all of Season One going by the name "Joel." No last name. During the KTMA season, Joel went by his real name, "Joel Hodgson." I'm not sure when the character takes the last name "Robinson." I'll keep looking for that.

After one local season (on the former KTMA) and after one national season (on the former Comedy Channel), I've enjoyed the show and its dynamic. Prior to this project, I hadn't seen a lot of Joel, and thought of MST3K as Mike's show. Yes, I've know all along that Joel started it, but I was more familiar with Mike as the experiment subject.

Now, I'm used to Joel's character, as well as Dr. Erhardt, and Josh's Tom Servo. Let's see how the changes in Season Two change things.

---

<< Previous episode

Next episode >>

MST3K: Episode 104 - Women of the Prehistoric Planet

I'm watching all of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes in order. More about that can be found here and here.

Episode 104: Women of the Prehistoric Planet

First aired: The Comedy Channel on 10 February 1990
Availability: Amazon (Volume 9), Rhino (Volume 9/out of print), MST3KVideos.com

Joel gets a couch.

This is the one that's numbered funny. According to The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Amazing Colossal Episode Guide, the movie wasn't available when they got around to production number 104, so they skipped to number 105. After they finished production number 113, they finally did number 104. They never bothered to change the numbers, so while this episode is numbered 104, indicating season 1, episode 4, it's really just a number.

This episode was the last one produced and the last one aired in Season One. And, since I'm covering the episodes in order, it's appearing here, at the end of Season One.

Joel opens the show with a redecorated Satellite of Love -- he added a couch -- but doesn't repeat the premise of the show. I've not been a fan of that whole "Joel covers the premise" thing.

Not going around.

The dinosaur scenes feature not only close-ups of lizards playing dinosaurs, but a soundtrack playing Creature from the Black Lagoon music.

There is one particularly silly ... or maybe it's just stupid ... scene where the explorers walk across a log to avoid falling into a boiling acid water pool. They did that rather than take two steps to the left and walk around the pool.

J&tB also made fun of Wendell Cory, who played the Admiral. a lot. A lot. Cory slurred lots of his lines, possibly due to his alcoholism, which lead to his death two years after this film was released.

The Host Segments are totally unrelated to the movie. An Isaac Asimov Literary Doomsday Device is the common theme. I've read a lot of Asimov fiction and essays, and they seemed to have nailed him. Asimov was still an active writer at the time, though he had been slowed somewhat by AIDS, which he contracted during his 1983 heart bypass surgery, and that would kill him two years after this episode first aired.

Outside the Satellite of Love.

The Asimov Literary Doomsday Device goes off.

Michael J. Nelson makes his first appearance of sorts on the show during this episode. He's the voice of the Doomsday Device.

Joel does interactions with the screen again. I don't think I've mentioned this, but he does that a lot. I don't recall Mike doing that. Not much, anyway.

One scene that will come back to haunt us happens in this episode. A character ... the comic relief who, surprisingly, isn't Stuart Margolin, says "Hai Kiba!" during a karate exhibition. "Hai Kiba" would become a catchphrase.

Hai Kiba!

This episode was available for sale in May 2006 as part of the Volume 9 four-pack, but has since gone out of production. Often that's because of rights issues with one or more of the films, rather than poor sales. One of the movies in the four-pack (not this one) has since been released as a stand-alone DVD, and for streaming via Amazon and iTunes, so it is probably a rights issue with one or more of the movies. Possibly this one.

For whatever reason, though, this episode isn't currently available for sale in any way, shape, or form. If you own the four-pack, you have an item that is valuable, since used packs are running over $100, and new boxes are running around $400.

My copy is an original Volume 9 four-pack I purchased. I suppose I could get $100 for it, but I won't. My MST3K. I think I'll keep it.

---

<< Previous episode

Next episode >>

When the kids call

The phone rang Monday night. I looked at the Caller ID. It was my son.

I answered, "Hello."

Slight pause on the other end. "Hey."

"Hey, there. How is everything?"

He paused. "Pretty good." Another pause.

"Something's on his mind," I thought. So, I ask, "What's up?"

"Um," he said, then paused again. "I got a question."

"Sure," I responded, not sure at all.

"Um. Say I have two clocks. One keeps perfect time. The other loses 4 minutes an hour."

"Uh, okay."

He continued, "At 12 o'clock, they have the same time..."

"Okay," I said as I tried to follow along.

"Now, when the clock that is off 4 minutes each hour gets to 2:20, what time does the other clock say? I think it's 2:30, but I'm not sure."

My turn to pause. "Uh. Well, you say the wrong clock is 4 minutes off. Each hour? After one hour, it's at 56?"

"That's right. And I think 2:30 is right, but I'm not quite sure how to explain why."

"Well, if it's off 4 minutes each hour," I said, thinking out loud more than anything else, "it's off 1 minute each 15 minutes, right?"

"That makes sense."

"And we're looking at what time? 12:20, uh, 2:20?"

"Right."

"That's ... uh ... 140 minutes, right?"

"Yeah, 120 and 20 ... 140."

"So, that's 10 times 14. So the other clock, the one that's right, would have moved 10 times 15, right?"

"That's right."

"And 10 times 15 is 150, or 2½ hours. That's 2:30."

"Okay, I got the right answer. Good," he said.

"Yep," I confirmed.

"Well, I appreciate it," he said.

"Sure thing."

"Alright, then. We'll talk at ya later."

"Okay, son," I said, "We'll see you."

And the call ended.

It's always great when the kids call.

MST3K: Episode 113 - The Black Scorpion

Lately, I've been watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. I'm watching all of them. At least, that's the goal. And, I'm watching them in order. More about that here and here.

Episode 113: The Black Scorpion

First aired: The Comedy Channel on 3 February 1990
Availability: MST3KVideos.com

Trap-door Spider that was cut, along with the entire "Spider Pit Scene," from King Kong. Note the Comedy Channel Labor Day marathon logo.

This is the final 5th and final episode from Season One that's never been released commercially. The other eight (there's one more to cover after this one) have been available commercially, most of them still in print.

The copy I have is from the Comedy Channel Labor Day marathon on September 1, 1990. That is the 3rd airing of this show. This copy has many of the hallmarks of an over-the-air VHS recording, such as color effects when the recording is started and shaky video when words are on the screen.

While this is the last in production code order of Season One, it's not the last one produced, and not the last one aired. We'll cover more on that when we get to that episode.

Another creature cut from King Kong appears in this film.

Despite what Dr. Forrester says, the special effects weren't by Ray Harryhausen, but by the man who taught Ray Harryhausen, Willis O'Brien. He did the effects for the original King Kong, and some sources say that some of the creatures used in this movie utilized some of the same models from the famous "Lost Spider Pit Scene" of King Kong.

Joel again lays out the premise of the show during the opening segment, where they're having a party. They do the duplicate inventions gag during the Invention Exchange. They'll do this gag again.

Speaking of repeating gags, the added applause sound effects every time a character was introduced by another character. That got old fast. This is the second movie where they added sound effects. The other was Episode 102 - The Robot vs the Aztec Mummy. I don't know what they have against Mexican movies.

Something is lost in translation.

Dr. Erhardt says the movie has no recognizable cast. Which is true. Unless you've seen "Creature from the Black Lagoon" or "An Affair to Remember." Richard Denning starred in the former, and had 3rd credit (behind Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr) in the latter. Or, you may remember him from his recurring role as the governor of Hawaii in 69 episodes of Hawaii Five-O.

The film isn't actually all that bad. It's certainly no worse than many other giant critter movies of the same era, and is far superior to most of them. It may have been a better choice to have riffed the 1995 Roger Corman film, "Black Scorpion." Plus that one has Joan Severance in it.

The riffing is still funny. A lot of the riffs weren't directly related to plot holes or bad acting. There were many "generic" riffs, that could have been inserted into just about any movie.

"The line's been bugged."

For example, there was a priest in the film, and, as a result, they had a lot of Bing Crosby riffs along the line of "You know, Gary talked to me that way once. Once."

There was also a scene where the characters were in a Jeep, and Tom Servo did a George C. Scott as Patton riff, "I'm tellin' ya, Brad, I'm gonna get to Messina before Monty."

A couple of my favorite riffs:

• "And then tragedy struck: we ran out of stock footage."
• "Edmund Fitzgerald? This must be his wreck."
• "The line's been bugged."

Josh had Tom Servo do a Dr. Erhardt "Thank you!" as one of his riffs. It's the first self-referencing riff I recall.

Gypsy appears again. This time, she's a scorpion.

After not appearing for most of the season, we see Gypsy again.

I liked this episode. All of the characters were in good form. The Invention Exchange was different, with the Mads not quite themselves, and the duplicate invention. Since this was the first time they pulled that gag, it worked well.

The riffing was good, despite the extensive use of generic riffs. While every episode has these generic riffs, this one seemed to rely more on those than other movies.

This was one of those episodes where you can enjoy the movie -- it's not great, but it's not all that bad -- and enjoy the riffing. A good show, but not a great show.

---

<< Previous episode

Next episode >>