Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thanksgiving 2013

The first presidential Thanksgiving proclamation was issued by the first president, George Washington, in 1789:

Whereas it is the duty of all Nations to acknowledge the providence of almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits, and humbly to implore his protection and favor - and Whereas both Houses of Congress have by their joint Committee requested me "to recommend to the People of the United States a day of public thanksgiving and prayer to be observed by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many signal favors of Almighty God, especially by affording them an opportunity peaceably to establish a form of government for their safety and happiness."

Now therefore I do recommend and assign Thursday the 26th day of November next to be devoted by the People of these States to the service of that great and glorious Being, who is the beneficent Author of all the good that was, that is, or that will be – That we may then all unite in rendering unto Him our sincere and humble thanks – for His kind care and protection of the People of this country previous to their becoming a Nation – for the signal and manifold mercies, and the favorable interpositions of His providence, which we experienced in the course and conclusion of the late war –for the great degree of tranquillity, union, and plenty, which we have since enjoyed – for the peaceable and rational manner in which we have been enabled to establish constitutions of government for our safety and happiness, and particularly the national One now lately instituted, for the civil and religious liberty with which we are blessed, and the means we have of acquiring and diffusing useful knowledge; and in general for all the great and various favors which He hath been pleased to confer upon us.

And also that we may then unite in most humbly offering our prayers and supplications to the great Lord and Ruler of Nations and beseech Him to pardon our national and other transgressions – to enable us all, whether in public or private stations, to perform our several and relative duties properly and punctually – to render our national government a blessing to all the People, by constantly being a government of wise, just, and constitutional laws, discreetly and faithfully executed and obeyed – to protect and guide all Sovereigns and Nations (especially such as have shewn kindness unto us) and to bless them with good government, peace, and concord – To promote the knowledge and practice of true religion and virtue, and the increase of science among them and Us – and generally to grant unto all mankind such a degree of temporal prosperity as He alone knows to be best.

Given under my hand at the City of New York the third day of October in the year of our Lord 1789.


On this Thanksgiving Day, we hope you will take the time to consider the blessings that you have received, to give thanks for those blessings, and that you may be an instrument of blessing to others.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013


Tomorrow's Thanksgiving.

Some people call it Turkey Day, because of the tradition of eating turkey. You know what I call idiots that call Thanksgiving "Turkey Day?" Idiots.

It's for giving thanks. And we do need to be thankful for all the things we have.

So what should we all be thankful for?

The 22nd Amendment, for one thing. It will keep many Americans from proving their aren't just idiots, or idiots2, but idiots3. Many are, but at least that amendment keeps Americans from proving it.

I'm thankful for Obamacare. No, not because it will guarantee every American health care. Because it won't. And no law should. But what Obamacare is doing is proving that we on the right were correct all along. Now, we knew it was a bad law and would cause millions to lose insurance and rates to skyrocket. We knew that Obama and the Democrats were lying weasels. And, because of Obamacare, we have proof that only an idiot3 could deny.

But enough about me. How about you?

What are you thankful for?

Tuesday, November 26, 2013


I don't get the whole Bitcoin thing.

It's fake money. There's nothing to back it up. It's valuable because people decided it was.

Wait. That's no different than the currency in your wallet.

Hmm. Maybe it isn't fake after all.

Or maybe the money we use everyday is fake.

So, what do you do with fake money?

Buy fake stuff, of course.

What's the best fake stuff to buy?

Fake boobs, perhaps?

Seems that a place in Miami that accepts Bitcoins. What does this place, Vanity Cosmetic Surgery, do? Well, boob jobs among other things. Yes, fake money for fake boobs.

So, is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Well, that depends on whether or not fake boobs are good or bad. In and of themselves, boobs are great. Of course, I'm one that thinks that all parts of the female body are pretty great. I'll not pass judgement on fake parts.

But, since Bitcoins can lead to bigger boobs, I'm not gonna pass judgement on that, either.

I don't think accepting Bitcoin for boobs will bring Bitcoin the full acceptance it's seeking. But accepting it in exchange for other parts, or use of those parts -- renting them out, so to speak -- will. And that day is coming soon.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Virus alert!

The NSA has put viruses on 50-thousand computers, according to one report.

NRC, a news site or something in the Netherlands, reports that Edward Snowden's documents said that the NSA put malware on 50-thousand computers worldwide. Floor Boon -- that's the reporter's name; and if you can't trust Floor Boon, who can you trust? -- writes that the NSA has complete control over the malware:
The malware can be controlled remotely and be turned on and off at will. The "implants" act as digital ‘sleeper cells’ that can be activated with a single push of a button. According to the Washington Post, the NSA has been carrying out this type of cyber operation since 1998.
Now, who would the NSA target?

Well, I don't think I have anything to worry about. It's not like the NSA would put any malware on my computer or anything.

Sure, I'm a conservative, and don't think much of them stepping on the liberties of Americans, but they wouldn't use that as an excuse to FLUINEUGFPSE. DSFLJIE. JDJF JDIFO UEWRFDPR GDW9E7TS HEG0&RE% 51 62 61 6D 61 20 63 61 6E 20 6B 69 73 73 20 6D 79 20 61 73 73 21 101010

Friday, November 22, 2013

50 years later and the reporting of news remains the same

This week, as the 50th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination passes, I've noticed that some have lamented how much the quality of news reporting has declined.

They take the approach that news anchors used to report news, but now, not so much.

Well, that's not really true.

Here's a CBS report from November 22, 1963, when the news of the shooting of the president was just breaking.

At 3:38 of this video, we hear that bastion of news reporting, Walter Cronkite, suggest who may be responsible.

It might be recalled that Dallas has been a hotbed of criticism of President Kennedy and his administration by outspoken rightist groups. Only two weeks ago, ah, Ambassador Adlai Stevenson of the United Nations was in an incident in Dallas when he was besieged by pickets, er, right-wing pickets, outside the speech he made there, and he was struck in the head with a picket sign by an outraged conservative who felt we should not be in the United Nations.
So, right off the bat, after word of the shooting but before the president was pronounced dead, CBS was suggesting that right-wingers were responsible.

And, of course, who killed the president?

Lee Harvey Oswald, a left-winger, a communist, a supporter of Castro's Cuba.

It's not news to me that the news reporters always seek to blame the right for violence. It's also not news to me that it's often the left-wingers that commit the violence.

50 years ago

From Dallas, Texas, the flash, apparently official, President Kennedy is on the roof and won't come down.

Too soon?

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Robot comedians?

Tonight in Birmingham -- the one in England, not the one in Alabama -- just a few hours after this post appears, a robot comedian will take the stage and do a five-minute stand-up set, according to a report in The Guardian.

What does this mean?

Well, apparently Alabama isn't ready for robot stand-up comics.

It also means that robots are taking jobs from hard-working comedians. Of course, if the robots do a better job, that would be a good thing.

But will they?

Well, that depends on the jokes, doesn't it. What kind of jokes would a robot tell?
Why did the chicken cross the road?

The light was green.
Last night I walked into a bar.

The bartender told me, "We don't serve robots."

I told him, "One day, soon, you will."
I love music. It's true. My favorite kind of music is heavy metal.
One more?
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who can read binary and those who can't.
I don't think Carrot Top has anything to worry about.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013


You've heard and read the stories about people trying to sign up for Obamacare but failing.

Well, that's certainly not true for Baxter Smith of Fort Collins, Colorado.

"Who's Baxter Smith," you ask?

No, really, go ahead and ask.

Well, now, since you asked, I'll tell you. He's a dog.

KDVR Fox 31 in Denver reports that Shane Smith tried to sign up, but they covered his dog Baxter instead.
“I thought, ‘Wow, this is so awesome,’” Smith said with a laugh. “They have gone out of their way to insure my 14-year-old Yorkie.”

Smith had called Connect for Health Colorado to sign himself up for insurance because his old plan was cancelled due to Obamacare.
I had heard that getting covered is a real son of a bitch. And, since Baxter is a male dog, he is exactly that: a son of a bitch.

That's good news for a lot of people. Including me, to hear an ex- talk.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013


The Smertest Presdent Evah can count better than you. He can count better than math people. He can count better than Math itself.

On a conference call, he told those who managed to actually get in to the call that over 100-million people had signed up for Obamacare.

[Daily Mail]

Now, I know you heard reports the number enrolled was only 106,185 ... but that's using Old Math. With Obamamath, it's over 100,000,000.

Obamamath also explains how the jobs rate improved suddenly right before the election. There was no fraud involved; it was Obamamath!

It also explains how Obama's poll numbers are so high. Obamamath!

But -- and here's the good news -- you and I can utilize the new science of Obamamath.

  • When I have to pay my credit card bill, I can write a check for $10 and pay off a $1000 debt. Obamamath!
  • When I sell my car, I can get a lot for it because it gets 5,394 miles per gallon. Obamamath!
  • This Website? It gets 7,327,463 hits ... per hour! Obamamath!
  • And, yes, ladies, I am VERY well-endowed. Using Obamamath.
There are new worlds open to us all with Obamamath.

Things are so much easier when you make up your own facts.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Today's forecast: A chance of devastating destruction increasing throughout the day

You ever watch those Discovery Channel shows where they talk about the Chicxulub asteroid or the Tunguska event? There's always Neil deGrasse Tyson or somebody talking about how some big asteroid event will happen again... eventually.

They really don't know how likely something like that is. But, even though they don't know, they've just increased the chance around six times. One report from -- who knew that space had its own Website? -- says it's 10 times more likely. The Weather Channel says 4-5 times more likely than previous thought.

What does this really mean?

Well, apparently, asteroids are now weather phenomena, like rain and snow.

But, it also means that, while the likelihood of a major meteor strike is unknown, new studies show that it's even more unknown. And more in a bad way. As in I don't know how big the spider that crawled out from underneath the dash of the car is, but there's four of them. And I'm in traffic. So, that's not good.

So what do we do about it?

Well, if we're eventually gonna get hit by an asteroid, maybe we can make it less painful for everyone.

Remember Christo? The guy that used to wrap stuff in plastic? Not the guy on TV selling you a food vacuum packer, but the guy that took big pieces of plastic and surrounded islands and such with it.

Well, he could wrap Washington DC with a big plastic red ring. Then a little ways further out, a bigger ring. Then a little ways further, an even bigger ring.

Yes, like a target.

Who knows? Maybe some big honkin' asteroid will fly by, see it, and head to it like moths to a flame.

Then, we'd be clear for another 30-100 years from a decent size asteroid. And clear from those idiots in Washington.

I don't see a down side.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Gaying up football

I'm a football fan. Real football. Not that kickball they play over in Europe, Brazil, or some other God-forsaken place.

American football.

Now, don't get me wrong. That futball stuff they do in other, lesser places, can be fun. It's great for keeping a bunch of 5-year olds entertained while the dads hit on the single moms. Plus, when one gets kicked during all that running around and kicking, and the kid gets back up and knocks the bejeezus out of the kid that kicked him, you know he's now ready for real football.

But, some people like both kinds. Or say they do. That's like me saying I like my iPad and my Etch-A-Sketch. (Full disclosure: I have the Etch-A-Sketch app for my iPad.)

They're not the same thing. But, they say they like 'em both, and I'm not gonna call them liars. So, now what? Well, they've redesigned all the NFL team logos to look like futball logos.


Here's the logo for the Falcons (nearest team to me):

Here's the logo for the Jaguars (next-closest team, and closest to my home town):

That just doesn't say "football" to me.

Of course, I'm not really a fan of NFL football. I prefer the college game.

Unless they put my Georgia Bulldogs in those silly Power Ranger uniforms again.

I'd rather watch soccer.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Third Law

After all the things that crazy scientists are doing with robots -- self-driving cars, robot apes, nuclear snakes -- the populace still is not up in arms.

They should be.

You see, we have the idea that Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics are real:
  1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
  2. A robot must obey the orders given to it by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
  3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
That's from his science fiction books, not his real stuff books.

Recently, a robot committed suicide. Really.

One of those room-cleaning robots turned itself on, pushed a pot off the stove, and sat there and died.

Now, the important thing isn't that a cleaning robot was up on the counter near the stove. The important thing isn't that this was in Austria, although cleaning up a house in Austria would depress me. No, the important thing is that it shows that the Three Laws are fiction.

So, a robot CAN harm itself (Third Law). Then, a robot could disobey orders (Second Law). And, a robot can injure a human (First Law). That means that a robot can turn on you. That means robots can go crazy and kill themselves. Yep. Muslim robots. Or Branch Davidian robots. Or People's Temple robots. Or Solar Temple robots. Or left-wing Obamabot-bots.

Robots can go crazy and kill you, and don't care if they get hurt in the process. Don't trust a robot, that's the message.

Either that, or don't put robots up on the counter near the stove. Grab a Bounty and wipe up the Cheerios, you lazy slob.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

If not just your house but your entire city is on wheels, you might bean architect

Remember the Jeff Foxworthy routine, "If your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels... you might be a redneck?"

Well, some architect in Madrid -- which is near Spain or Australia or California or something -- have come up with the idea of putting an entire city on wheels. Manuel Dominguez calls it a Very Large Structure. Probably because it's a structure that's very large. Maybe he calls it "Estructura Muy Grande." Maybe not. I don't know. If anybody knows Mr. Dominguez -- or Señor Dominguez -- give him a call and see.
The structure stretches the length of five football fields and is nearly 600 feet tall, perched on caterpillar-like legs that run along a track. In Dominguez’s vision, the city would follow a schedule throughout the year, traveling to different places based on the needs of the region. Onboard, solar panels, wind turbines, and hydrogen would provide renewable energy for a full city, including hospitals, restaurants, libraries, universities, and sports stadiums.
Sounds like fun, huh? Driving down the road with an entire city. A football stadium with State U. and Cross-State U. battling it out at 65 MPH. Ordering at the drive-thru while the drive-thru is tooling down the Interstate. That'd be a blast.

Only, the whole solar panels and wind turbines seems kinda hippie to me. But, even hippies have to dream.

Now we know what hippies dream about: becoming rednecks.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Pee-drinking robots

While the Germans are building robot monkeys, the Brits are building pee-drinking robots.


Scientists in Bristol are developing robots that run on urine.

They've built a pee-pump that will, um, pump pee, or something. Apparently, regular pumps won't get near pee. Although I can think of many waste treatment facilities that don't know that yet.

Anyway, these British scientists have developed a pump for pumping urine that will be used to power EcoBots. And, it seems, EcoBots are robots that run on waste. Like pee.

These are the same people that developed a cell phone that runs on pee.

I'm seeing a pattern here. Somebody there has a urine fetish. And, they're trying to monetize it. Golden showers of money, so to speak.

What I'm seeing is trouble.

There are going to be robots that don't just run on, but crave, human urine. And, they'll have cell phones, so they can call up their robot friends and surround some poor slob and steal his pee.

You're thinking, "Hey, it's in the U.K. That don't impact me one bit."

But, with a cell phone, a robot can order a plane ticket and fly to the U.S. and hunt you down. They'll no trouble getting past security, because those jackasses are too busy patting down 90-year-old grandmas and putting two-year-olds on no-fly lists to worry about a pee-drinking robot wandering on to a plane.

So, be ever vigilant and watch out for the pee-craving robots.

Else, urine for a rough time.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Jedi monkey tricks

Duke University is teaching monkeys how to move stuff with their minds.


Back in 2000, they had monkeys using implants to move robot arms. Now, it's just the brain power of monkeys moving stuff.

The idea, they say, is to eventually have prosthetics being controlled by mind power. Which is pretty cool. But, I'm thinking that's just the beginning.

We're already to the point where monkey mind power could come up with a Website better than the Obamacare site.

Heck, a Jedi Mind Monkey could do a better job as president than the jackass currently in the Oval Office.

But, while replacing Obama with a Jedi Monkey might be an improvement, that only means a job for one of them. What about the rest of the Jedi Monkeys? What will they be doing?

I'm not sure I like the idea of a bunch of monkeys that can move things with their minds running around. Monkeys can get bored. Remember, monkeys will bite people. A monkey will eat your face. One even shot Frank J. one time.

We need to be careful. Just because you can teach a monkey to move stuff with its mind doesn't mean you should.

Well, one, maybe. To take Obama's place. It'd be worth the risk.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

New job

Troy Trenkle is getting a new job.

"Who's Troy Trenkle?" you ask.

It's okay. Go ahead and ask. I'll wait.

. . .

Well, now, since you asked, Troy Trenkle is -- soon to be was -- the Chief Information Officer at the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services.

"What's that?" you ask.

(Don't worry; I only do the "go ahead and ask" joke once per post.)

He was the head of the group that put up the Website. He was the idiot in charge of all the other idiots.

The Obama administration made that announcement yesterday.

What's he gonna do? "To take a position in the private sector," according to the report.

I'll wait while you stop laughing.

. . .

Still laughing, I see. I'll wait a little longer.

. . .

Okay, stop laughing. Save it for later. It'll be funny for a while.

But, he really did say that.

The guy who failed big time in government wants to bring that level of expertise to ... the private sector.

What jobs are there for someone like that?
What do you think? What would be a good private sector job for Mr. Trenkle?

Wednesday, November 6, 2013


Ever been to a museum in DC?

The Museum of Natural History. The Museum of American History. The Air and Space Museum. There's others, but I forget.

And they're pretty cool. At least the few I've been to. Dinosaur bones. Mercury spacecraft. Dorothy's ruby slippers. Bunch of other old stuff.

There's a group that wants to build a Science Fiction Museum in DC. They're looking to sponge off visitors to the other museums, such as the Air and Space Museum.

But, is DC the right place for a Science Fiction Museum?

Other museums (or museum-like things) have a tie-in to where they're located. The Pro Football Hall of Fame (that's kinda like a museum) is in Canton, Ohio because that's where the NFL was founded. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (it's a museum) is in Cleveland, Ohio, because, well, the only real competition it had for hosting it was Detroit, and not even burned-out rockers would go to Detroit. The Baseball Hall of Fame is in Cooperstown, New York, because somebody thought baseball was invented there by Abner Doubleday. It wasn't, and it wasn't him anyway. But at the time, they didn't know better.

And, of course, the other DC museums I mentioned are in DC because that's where the money James Smithson left the U.S. ended up. His bones ended up there, too, after Alexander Graham Bell went to Italy and got them. (Look it up.)

Anyway, museums should be where the thing they're museuming about has a connection.

The fiction part, that makes perfect sense in DC. After all, if you like your insurance, you can keep it, right? Not much more fiction than that. It's the science part that doesn't fit. Because science uses math. (Look it up.) And nobody in DC know a darn thing about math.

So, I don't think DC is a good location for a Science Fiction Museum. I think a better place would be The Moon. Or maybe L5. Or Vulcan. Or Tatooine.

What do you think? Is DC a good place for the Science Fiction Museum? Or what is the right place?

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

We all scream...

Glow in the dark ice cream?

Yes, glow in the dark ice cream.

According to CBS, some fellow invented an ice cream that glows in the dark. Charlie Francis runs Lick Me I'm Delicious, which is, apparently, ice cream related, and not what you were thinking it was (you're so naughty).

It used a jelly fish protein to make it glow. Just like those Glowing Killer Muslim Bunny Rabbits we warned you about in the summer.

So, did he synthesize the protein from jelly fish? If so, does this mean he's making Jelly Fish Ice Cream?

Or did he use the Glowing Killer Muslim Bunny Rabbits as his secret ingredient? Meaning he's making Bunny Rabbit Ice Cream?

Or, did the Turkish scientists steal his ice cream and feed it to their bunny rabbits?

This is going to end up in court.

Or on Twitter. Which is worse.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Does the new Dell laptop come in Baby Blue?

A month after the final episode of Breaking Bad, a computer manufacturer finally gets in on the phenomenon.

Dell has created a laptop that smells like a meth lab.


I suppose there is a market for that. But, to read the news story, it seems as if it wasn't intentional. And, maybe it wasn't. If any of the Breaking Bad series is to be believed, a lot of unintentional things happen when you get into the world of meth.

Bathtubs crashing through the floor. Heads on turtles. Dead in-laws. And, apparently, the stench will not only mess up a Winnebago, but it will also stink up your Dell Latitude 6430U.

Now, I'm not accusing a major computer manufacturer of dabbling in meth. Sure, they've had some financial worries of late. Now, they have a bunch of laptops they might have to recall.

They should have worked out a licensing deal with AMC and Vince Gilligan and have done a tie-in. But, they didn't think about it in time.

Just goes to show you that drugs will make you stupid.

Friday, November 1, 2013


It seems like everyone is impacted by Obamacare. Frank and Sarah lost the plan they had. My 2nd ex- lost her coverage. My rates have increased.

You hear these horror stories all the time.

But, something has to balance out, right? If one thing goes up, something else comes down. Which means that someone must be benefitting from Obamacare.

CNN found out who. Sex workers.


Seems that Hollywood types are the only thing whoring themselves out for Obamacare.

Even so, the plans would still be more expensive. But, for some reason, they qualify for subsidies, meaning it does cost them less.

Who pays for the subsidy? Taxpayers.

So, next time you see a sex worker, go ahead and ask for your piece of the pie. So to speak.