Monday, May 31, 2010

Memorial Day 2010

Tomb of the Unknowns, Arlington National Cemetery. Photo by Department of Defense
Tomb of the Unknowns, Arlington National Cemetery. Photo by Department of Defense
Remember those that gave all for you.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Why we blog

FITSNews blogger Will Folks says he's had an "an inappropriate physical relationship" with South Carolina Republican state representative Nikki Haley. What kicks this story up a notch is that Haley is the favorite in the Republican primary for governor of that state, with an 11-point lead in the latest polls.

Haley has denied the claim.

But ... have you seen Haley? She's another one of those hot Republican babes.

Which leads to my point. I'm going to share the real reason that men become bloggers: Hot Republican Babe Sex.

Yes, it's true. At least for conservatives. And, some liberals want Hot Republican Babe Sex, too.

You may be wanting to know how all this works. Well, here's the plan:

  1. Start blog
  2. ?
  3. Hot Republican Babe Sex

I'm still working on that step two. Some people seem to have it figured out, though.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Draw Mohammed Day

Hello. I am Muhammad. And today is "Everybody Draw Muhammad Day."

Actually, today is "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day."

Who are you?

I am Mohammed.

Why are you spelling your name that way?

"M-O-H-A-M-M-E-D" is how my name is spelled.

No, I'm pretty sure it's spelled "M-U-H-A-M-M-A-D."

You are both wrong. My name is spelled "M-U-H-A-M-M-E-D."

Whoa! You look familiar. I used to look a lot like you. And who's that guy next to you?

He's Jesus.

He's like an infidel or something, isn't he?

Actually, he's a prophet.

Hold on a second. If he's a prophet, then why do we want to kill his followers?

Uh. Hmmm. Ah. Mmmm. Ummmm. I, uh... Help me out here, Jesus.

Actually, "Jesus" is a transliteration of my name in Greek. I was called "Yeshua," which is the same as "Joshua"...

This isn't "Learn About Jesus Day," it's "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day."

That's right. And if you draw me today, you better watch out. Someone might cut off your head or stick a flag pole in you.

Yeah, it's risky to mess with religious icons. Disrespect one of us, and you could be in trouble. Our followers are dangerous.

Not everybody's followers ...

Monday, May 17, 2010

All politics is relative

All politics is local.

It's also relative.

Let's take a moment and think about one of Einstein's famous examples: the man dropping the ball on a train.

There's a man on a train. And you're standing outside the train, watching the train go by. And you can see through the walls of the train.

When the man drops the ball, he sees it fall straight down. But you, standing outside the train, see the ball fall in an arc. If you don't follow that right off, think about it for a minute; draw it out, if necessary.

But the question is: which view is right?

Both. It's relative to your motion whether the ball falls in a straight line or in an arc.

Politics is like that.

Think about Scott Brown and Mitt Romney. They're Republicans from Massachusetts. Normally, you'd think of a Republican as conservative. And, compared to most of Massachusetts, they are.

But move Scott Brown or Mitt Romney to a more conservative place. Like Georgia or Alabama. Around here, Brown and Romney would be considered flaming liberals. In this part of the country, there are Democrats that are more conservative than either of those two Massachusetts politicians.

California is pretty much the same way. What passes for a Republican in California would get you run out parts of Alabama or Georgia with a stick. And I'd probably be the person wielding that stick.

Sometimes I just shake my head and wonder about some of the people who pass for conservatives in some places. But, I have to remember that, like the ball on the train, it's relative to your position and movement.

So, I won't get all worked up about what some states do, as long as some progress is being made.

Massachusetts elected a Republican instead of a Democrat as U.S. Senator. Despite Brown not being what I'd call a conservative, that's an improvement from how things were.

And, if California elects a Republican instead of reelecting Barbara Boxer, that'll be an improvement.

That doesn't mean Mission Accomplished. It means Task Accomplished and the mission remains.

If the GOP picks up a boat-load of seats this November -- and they should -- they don't need to get cocky. And we conservatives need to keep the pressure on. How much energy should we expend to keep pushing the GOP to run conservatives?

Well, according to Einstein, energy equals mass times the speed of light squared...

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Butt call

Wife's butt called me yesterday.

You know about butt-calls, right? That's where someone's actions unintentionally dial their cell phone. Often, it's because the phone is in a pants pocket, and the act of sitting down or moving in a certain way causes pressure on one or more keys, causing the speed-dial function or the redial function to execute the dialing of a number.

But it can also be that the phone is in a pocket of, say, a jacket, and a button or series of buttons are accidentally pressed.

Or, it could be that the phone is in a purse that contains many other items and the butt-dialing phenomenon occurs. Of course, the purse is likely over-packed with lots of stuff. Wife's purse contains lots of stuff ... like checkbooks, wallets, keys, make-up, hand sanitizer, playing cards, sunglasses, vampire books, excess napkins from Subway, fuzz-covered peppermints, sporks, crayons, sandwiches, folding umbrella, pills, small dogs, bricks, screwdrivers, wrenches, loaded weapons, treasure maps, jars of screws, radios, TVs, melted Snickers bar, spare tire, banjo ... you know, a typical woman's purse.

Yesterday, after lunch -- Wife and I usually do that together; I drive to her place of work, pick her up, and we go eat, I drop her back at work -- as she was exiting the car, she gathered her purse and was exiting the car when suddenly, the radio of the car cut off, the sound replaced by a phone ringing.

The XM display switched to "CALL," which is odd, since not many people have or call my car number. Explained to Wife that someone was calling, told her "bye," and pressed the phone button. That's when the feedback started -- the tsh-tsh-tsh that happens when microphone and speaker are too close but delayed slightly, not the high-pitched squeal from real-time mic-speaker interaction. The feedback stopped when she shut the door, confirming it was her phone calling the car.

So, it wasn't really a butt-call. It was a purse call.

I'm not sure I want to take a call from her purse. That purse is scary. And I'm uncertain what in that purse might be calling. Probably some sparkly vampire character in some paperback.

I'd rather get a call from her butt. I think. Maybe not if it actually spoke, come to think of it.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Just whose slut is she anyway?

Why does a man who becomes rich and famous screw around on his wife?

Because he can.

But you knew that. But, if a man does that, he's to blame for whatever trouble comes his way.

But why does a woman screw around with a man that's rich and famous?

Because he's rich and famous.

But you knew that. And, she's to blame for whatever trouble comes her way.

Only, more trouble is likely to come the way of the slutty rich and famous man than the slutty woman.

But there's one aspect of this that I'm wondering about. Specifically, there's Rachel Uchitel. If I need to remind you who she is, she's was one of the Tiger Woods slut-puppies. She's the one that hired media-whore attorney Gloria Alred and said she was paid 10-million dollars to keep quiet.

Now, it turns out she was also screwing David Boreanaz. Her attorney explained that:
She understood that he was unhappy in his marriage and had been for some time and she had reason to believe that he intended to separate from his wife.
So, she was screwing David Boreanaz because he was leaving his wife for her?

Is that why she was also screwing Tiger Woods?

Probably not. She was probably screwing him because he is rich and famous.

Only, now do we refer to Rachel Uchitel as "former Tiger Woods mistress" or "former David Boreanaz mistress?"

Well, after pumping Tiger Woods for money (no pun intended), and attempting to get money from David Boreanaz in order to keep quiet, it seems to me that's a very complicated way of being a prostitute.

Normally, a prostitute screws someone and takes the money. Rachel Uchitel is screwing them long-term, then tries to extort money after the break-up.

So, cut through the complicated process, and she's still screwing someone for money.

That means you shouldn't call her "former Tiger Woods mistress" or "former David Boreanaz mistress." You can just call her "whore."

Thursday, May 13, 2010

That oil spill

I haven't commented on the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. I haven't commented on anything for some time. But something has been bothering me.

All the news -- well, most of it, anyway -- has focused on the environmental impact of the spill. Pictures and stories about animals with oil on them were all over the Internet... before there were any animals found with oil on them; they used pictures from past incidents. And recent stories about dolphins and turtles dying have been tied to the spill, even though they may be from other reasons.

And, while I do think that oily animals are bad -- especially oily animals that haven't been anywhere near an oil spill -- I haven't heard a lot about the first group of animals that was impacted by the accident in the Gulf: humans.

Eleven people died. That bothers me. Those are people. And people are more important than birds or turtles or dolphins.

To me anyway. But not, it seems, to news outlets. The worst thing about the spill, to read the news, is the environmental disaster. They don't all call it "environmental disaster." Some just call it a "disaster." But all the bad stuff mentioned in the stories are all about the environmental impact. They seem to gloss over the fact that eleven people died.

Of course, being a conservative, I'm naturally more likely to think that the death of people is worse than oil on a duck. Silly me.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

More bumper sticker suggestions

The other day, I mentioned that I needed to replace the bumper sticker (actually, a window sticker) on my car. I got a lot of suggestions, both here on this little blog, and over at IMAO.

Today, I got some more. The Little Sister (who's 6'0'') sent me some suggestions. I guess she's been saving up, since there were 41 of them...

I may use them all.