Wednesday, July 31, 2013


You know about Jetman, right? In case you don't, Jetman is some Swiss dude names Yves Rossy who wears a jet.

No, this isn't some silly cartoon character. Or a Robert Downey, Jr. movie about some silly comic book character.

This is a real thing, where the fellow straps on wings and jet engines and flies around.

Jetman is in Wisconsin this week, and was flying around at the AirVenture show in Oshkosh. He flew around next to a B-17, and had some other stuff scheduled. Sounds like fun.

[Direct link: CBS]

What use can we make of this technology? Well, it could be a James Bond thing. Or could have been. I could see Sean Connery's James Bond doing this; he wore that Jetpack in Thunderball. I can see Roger Moore's James Bond doing this; he flew that little Mr. Bean-looking jet in Octopussy. Maybe even Pierce Brosnan's Bond. Not so sure about that new guy, though. Is this the kind of thing Daniel Craig's James Bond would do? I don't know. He just doesn't strike me as a throw-on-a-jet kind of fellow. Maybe I'm wrong.

So, if not a James Bond gadget, what good is it?

Well, if we put laser beams or rocket launchers on it, we could use it to shoot laser beams or launch rockets at things. Other than that, I got nothing.

So, help me out here. What would you do with a Jetman outfit? What use could we make of this technology?

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Vampire robots

When I first heard there were vampire robots, I thought, "Great, another Twilight movie."

But, no, it's a real thing. Some company called Veebot is building machines to suck your blood.

It's for medical reasons, they say:
  • 20-25% of all venipuncture procedures fail to draw blood on the first stick.
  • Approximately 2 million needlestick injuries are reported every year. Meanwhile, 40-75% of needlestick injuries go unreported.
  • Mislabeled blood samples from venipuncture lead to about 170,000 adverse events in hospitals a year, ultimately costing hospitals $200-400 million annually.
The downside? Imagine what'll happen if a robot gets a taste for blood.

The upside? They don't sparkle.

Monday, July 29, 2013

Racist baby

Photo: Murrary Sanders
Francis and Arlette Tshibangu had a baby recently. Not just any baby, but a white baby.

Now, you must wonder, what's the big deal. There was a bunch of news coverage of anther white baby born in the U.K. recently, so why is the birth of another white baby news? Well, this one's parents are black.

According to the Daily Mail -- yes, that's a real thing, not something The Beatles made up for a song -- the black couple were surprised when Mrs. Tshinbangu gave birth to a white baby.

At least, Mr. Tshinbangu was surprised.

Doctors say the baby is a mutation. I'm sure that's one explanation.

I'm not suggesting that Mrs. Tshinbangu was unfaithful to her husband, either. I'm thinking it may simply be that the baby is racist.

For years, some people have been operating as if only whites can be racist. Some go so far as to say that whites are born racist. Others have said that is racist in itself, and that people of any race can be racist. Which that first group says is racist.

Well, what if everyone is right? Any race can be racist, but only white people? This baby seems to prove it. He's a born racist, is black, and because he's a born racist, is white.

See? It all makes sense. Anything can be explained by Science!

Friday, July 26, 2013

Pizza-delivering robot killer whales

Maybe they aren't robot whales, but now they're building underwater robots. I suppose robot subs would be accurate, but they are large mechanical things that travel under the sea. So, robot whales it is.

I mean, they are based on how fish sense their environment, according to the report I sorta read. And, they have to perform some tasks.
Demonstrating agility and control, the submarines will need to bump two buoys in response to colors emitted every few seconds. The vehicles will also need to show mastery of a speed trap and fire foam torpedoes through holes in a hexagonal wheel.

Finally, the submarines will also need to deliver a pizza: They must bring two mock pizza boxes (made from PVC pipe) to a specified location.
Yep. Robots that performs tasks underwater, fire torpedoes, and deliver pizza.

It's not Robot Monkeys on the Moon, but it's something.

But, I gotta ask: is pizza delivery the best use of robot killer whales? What would you have an underwater killer robot do?

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Attacking Jimmy Carter

I've met Jimmy Carter. Couple of times, actually. He's a nice enough fellow, I guess, though I didn't spend any extended period of time with him. Little meet, shake hands, exchange a word or two, and that was it. So, while I've met him, I certainly don't know him.

Would Jimmy Carter tell a lie? Well, he's a Democrat politician, so I really don't need to answer that question for you, right? But, the former president tells Larry J. Sabato that he's had death threats.
"I have had two or three threats to my life after I came home from the White House," Carter said in the highly-anticipated book due out October 22.
Yeah, I'm kinda thinking this whole thing is to sell a book.

I don't want to downplay threats against former presidents, but who would want to harm Jimmy Carter? Sure, I'd like to see him shut the hell up, but that's not the same thing. I certainly don't want any harm to come to the man. Not even anything like the harm he did America during his presidency.

And, sure, there are crazy people in this world that will do harm to people for reasons unknown. So, you can't dismiss any viable threat. But just what are those threats?

Consider this: Jimmy Carter was once attacked by a rabbit back in 1979. Is Mother Nature behind those threats to the former Chief Executive?

Humans are crazy, but often forgiving. And, as deadly as humans can be, we don't always try to kill our former presidents. I don't know of anyone who would wish physical harm on Jimmy Carter.

But Mother Nature? She's mean. She doesn't care. She'll kill babies at a rate almost as fast an abortion doctor or other Democrat heroes. Maybe she has put out contracts on Jimmy Carter.

I hope he stays safe. Some rabbits have a vicious streak a mile wide and possess nasty big pointy teeth.

I kinda feel sorry for the Secret Service. Keeping Jimmy Carter, or anyone, safe from Mother Nature isn't as easy as 1, 2, 5. Maybe if he went to another planet. Maybe Obama's home planet would be safe for Carter. And maybe Obama would escort him there. I hear the golfing there's good.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Mars Attacks

NPR, that thing your tax money is financing, has a report that a giant virus may have come from Mars.

No, I'm not making this up.

Of course, it's a bunch of French scientists that say this.

Let me explain.

Scientists found some big ole virus they've named Pandoravirus. Like Pandora. The girl that opened the box, not the radio thing. Go Google her if you have to.

Some French fellow named Jean-Michel Claverie, who works or otherwise occupies space at Aix Marseille Université (it's French, too) discovered the virus, but says we're safe from it. It lives deep in water. And everyone knows that humans don't go near water. Maybe that's just French humans, though, which could be the source of the confusion.

Anyway, not only is this virus really really big (for a virus), but it's got some other properties that make them think it's not of this earth. At least, that the conclusion he and his wife, Chantal Abergel, came up with.
When Abergel and Claverie sequenced the genome of the new virus, they were in for a shock. Its genetic code is roughly twice the size of the record-holding Megavirus. And it seems almost completely unlike anything else on the planet. Only 6 percent of its genes resembled the genes other organisms. Claverie says he thinks the Pandoraviruses may come from a different origin – perhaps radically different.

"We believe that those new Pandoraviruses have emerged from a new ancestral cellular type that no longer exists," he says. That life could have even come from another planet, like Mars. "At this point we cannot actually disprove or disregard this type of extreme scenario," he says.
So, it's from Mars. At least, that's their conclusion because it's something they've never seen before.

I suppose if they had never seen a kitten, they'd think kittens are from Mars.

Anyway, I'm trying to decide if H.G. Wells got it backwards -- go read the book or watch the movie if this one goes over your head -- or if French scientists are nuts.

Probably both.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Paper is racist

I read a story that said that some educator-type person said that white paper is racist. And, no, not the concept of a White Paper, a write-up on handling specific issues or problems, but actual paper. That's white.

The stuff you put in photocopiers. The stuff that goes into your printer. The stuff that's in a notebook. The stuff you write on. Actual white paper. Paper that is white in color.

And, no, I'm not making this up. Although, there's no doubt in my mind that Anne O'Connor, who made the claim, is making it up.

The Telegraph reports what O'Connor is advocating:
Children should be provided with paper other than white to drawn on and paints and crayons should come in "the full range of flesh tones", reflecting the diversity of the human race, according to the former teacher.

Finally, staff should be prepared to be economical with the truth when asked by pupils what their favourite colour is and, in the interests of good race relations, answer "black" or "brown".
"Economical with the truth?" Didn't that used to be called "lying?"

Anyway, the crazy O'Conner woman is trying to dress witches in pink (really) and give children green paper to draw on.

And that kinda sums it all up right there. I go to work every day to get green paper. She wants to use green paper for drawing. And she wants your green paper to pay for it.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Let me screw up your state, too

The cartoon I posted this morning at IMAO kinda hits a nerve with me.

I thought I told this story earlier, but I can't find that I did. So, you're gonna have to put up with it now. And you have no one to blame but yourself for reading it.

Anyway, I was driving into work one day -- this was a couple of years ago -- and I got behind a car with a Michigan tag. It also had an Obama sticker on it.

I prepared to turn at a light, and the vehicle in front of me, with the Michigan tag and Obama sticker, turned the same way. Next light, same thing. And, sure enough, drove into the parking area at work just ahead of me.

Now, I'm thinking, sure, our company is doing good, and hiring people from all over. But this is going too far.

Somebody from Michigan been voting Democrat, and then they're having economic issues because, and then they need to move 800 miles south to get a job?

Okay, I'm fine, so far. They screwed up -- screwed up bad -- and now know better, right? No, they dumb as ever. They brought their Obama sticker with them.

That politics that screwed up their state, they're bringing to my state, and now they're going to screw it up, too.

Anyway, that's why the cartoon last hour kinds resonates with me. The image of the dominoes falling worries me, if they make my state one of those dominoes, too.

Maybe something will fall on them. The most appropriate thing for what to fall on an Obama voter? Dorothy Gale's house.

Friday, July 19, 2013

What about my state?

Jesse Jackson wants to boycott Florida.

So, just how does that work?
"I'm a lying, trouble-making, race-baiting, shakedown artist, con man. I'm going to ask people who support me to boycott Florida."
Does that mean Florida doesn't have to deal with people who look up to lying, trouble-making, race-baiting, shakedown artist, con men?

Florida wins.

How can Georgia get in on this?

Maybe we can do like Florida. No, I don't mean some black teen getting shot. I mean, sure, there are lots of black teens getting shot in every state, including Georgia. Only, it's usually other blacks doing the shooting. And, while that in and of itself is a major problem, it doesn't address the issue of how to keep Jesse Jackson and his ilk away.

What I mean by doing like Florida is do nothing special. I'm sure Jesse Jackson will get his panties in a wad over something and call on a boycott of Georgia eventually. I just want to know how to hurry that along.

Maybe he'll notice our state flag.

Phone-shopping time

After Apple introduced the iPhone in June 2007, it really took off. It was a sensation. The only drawback at the time was that only one U.S. carrier, AT&T, carried the phone. Now, all the major carriers and many smaller carriers offer the iPhone.

When Android phones came out in 2008, they expanded the market more than took away iPhone sales. Me, for instance. I eventually switched from a BlackBerry to an Android phone. I was with Verizon, and, at the time, Verizon didn't carry the iPhone, so, if I wanted one of those fancy phones, an Android phone was the best option.

Today, the iPhone is the top-selling phone. Now, before you get your panties in a wad, hear me out. It's a matter of statistics, which can prove anything if you play with the numbers enough.

In the most recent numbers, iPhone has 39.2% of the market. While Android phones have 52.4% of the market, that's spread across Samsung (23%), HTC (8.7%), Motorola (7.8%), LG (6.7%), and others (6.2%). So, iPhone is still the top-selling phone.

Now, as for operating system, Android is tops. But not really. There are a slew of Android operating systems. I'm not talking the skins the manufacturers put on top of the OS, I'm talking the actual underlying OS.

Apple's iOS has 39.2% of the market, but there are different versions of iOS. The top is also the latest: iOS 6 is on 92.7% of devices. That works out to 36.3% of smartphones running iOS 6. And, that's the top of all mobile operating systems.

Combined, all Android operating systems account for 52.4% of the market, but the leader is Jelly Bean (4.1.x, 4.2.x; API 16 & 17, respectively), which accounts for 37.9% of Android installations. That works out to 19.9% of smartphones running a version of Jelly Bean. That's just over half of the number running iOS 6.

So, the actual top phone is Apple's iPhone, and the top operating system is iOS 6.

What brought all this up? Well, I upgraded a phone a little over 18 months ago. At the time, Verizon was doing the 20-month renewal thing. So, 20 months will be up in early September. That's six weeks away. I'm beginning to seriously think about a replacement for my iPhone 4. So, I decided to look at what others are using. And, those statistics tell me ... it's a strange market. Number two is number one and number one is number two and it's just a big old jumble.

I don't expect to change carriers (I'd have to wait for January for that, and I'm not unhappy with Verizon), so I'll likely renew with Verizon. So, which phone to get?

Another iPhone? (I do like the iPhone. I really do.) Or, is there a reason to go back to Android?

Yes, I have an Apple computer, but I rarely sync my phone to my computer. With iOS 6, it's really not necessary anymore.

I have an Apple TV, but I never use AirPlay to send phone content to it. I also have a Roku, so if I did want to send content to the TV, I could use Roku with an Android device for that.

I have an iPad (older first generation), but I also have a Kindle Fire (Android-based).

So, yes, I'm in the Apple ecosystem, but I'm comfortable outside it, too.

Truth be told, I'm leaning toward a new iPhone. Which I'd be happy with. But, I'm open to other phones. Tell me what you like about your Android phone. Or, your Windows phone. Or your BlackBerry. Okay, I'm just kidding about the BlackBerry.

But really, I'm curious about these Galaxy Maxx One phones, or whatever they are. I'm open to suggestions.


Over-thinking with technology

Video screenshot by
Amanda Kooser/CNET
The nice people (I assume they're nice) at DDB in Singapore have come up with a urinal system that tests for alcohol and records if you're drunk. According to Cnet, it's a system that involves getting an RFID card when you park:
Club-goers receive an RFID parking pass when they drop their cars off at valet. A device sitting in the urinal measures alcohol levels. An RFID reader near the urinal picks up each person's parking pass. If the urine clocks in above the legal limit, a sign at eye level suggests calling a cab to get home and the system takes note.

When the partied-out patron goes to retrieve his car, he has to hand his RFID parking card over to the valet. The valet scans it and an alert pops up if the customer tested high on his urine.
Nice plan. Except for one detail.

You see, around here, I've found that many drunks don't always urinate outside their pants. That means we can usually tell without an RFID card.

Sorry to burst your bubble, guys, but them's the facts.

Maybe you can sell it to Obama's NSA. I'm sure they'll find a use for it. Maybe they'll make them required equipment on those low-water flush toilets you have to buy.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

What's with the courts starting to make sense?

The courts in the U.S. have long been known for making stuff up as they go along. Like the Right to Abortion that they insist is in the Constitution.

The courts are like the Pharisees of old. Remember how they somehow found that you could only walk so far on the Sabbath? Or could spit on a rock but not the ground? That came about by taking the Ten Commandments, making interpretations for certain circumstances, then expanding on those circumstances and elevating those new laws to the level of the original Commandments. They didn't go back to the original Law and ask if something was in the letter or spirit of the original Law.

And that's what our courts have been doing. But recently, there have been smatterings of common sense. And I'm not sure what to think about that.

Another court has ruled that the president has violated the Constitution with recess appointments. Recess appointments are allowed, but can only be done when the Senate is ... get this ... in recess.

That's the third court to make such a ruling, and the Supreme Court gets the case in their next session.

A court making sense? My view of the world will never be the same.

The sun hates black people

NASA says the sun has fired a shot at the earth. Since the sun is so far away, it'll take a couple of days for the coronal mass ejection to reach the planet, and we don't know for sure what damage it'll do, if anything. Probably nothing more than screw up a satellite or two.

And that's the problem. The NSA uses satellites as part of its tracking of Americans, and if the sun is screwing with that, it means the sun must hate Obama. And that makes the sun racist.

There could also be aurora when the charged particles hit the upper atmosphere. And who'll see that? People way up north. Eskimos, Canadians, and other snow-dwellers. Not a lot of black people. So, the pretty lights in the sky? Not for blacks. Because the sun is racist.

That storm that flooded New Orleans a while back? You remember Hurricane Katrina, right? Well, you know what started that storm? Besides George Bush and Karl Rove? The sun. It heated up the water and then did some science stuff and then a Hurricane started and killed a bunch of black people. Because the sun is racist.

We need to take action against the sun and make it stop being racist. How do we do that?


Or maybe Facebook.

I think if we use social media to bring attention to the sun's racism, we can make it stop being racist. Or at least get Obama to raise the sun tax so it isn't able to afford to be racist.

Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

NBC News is now legal

Earlier this month, a new law went into effect that essentially neutralizes the Smith-Mundt Act of 1948 and Foreign Relations Authorization Act from 1987. What that means is that it's no longer illegal for U.S. government propaganda to be broadcast in the United States.

Those earlier laws kept U.S. government broadcasts from internal consumption. Radio Free Europe, for instance, couldn't be broadcast internally, just at and in other countries. But, it's a lot bigger than beaming the Drifters' "On Broadway" at people. It means that government-authored news can now be broadcast at Americans. Of course, NBC, CNN, CBS, and ABC have been official organs of the U.S. government since Obama took office.

People wanting to avoid news authored by the White House can no longer simply avoid NBC or the other channels.

What's left? Well, Fox News. Maybe. I actually look for government propaganda to crack that nut soon.

No, the only bastion of truly reliable news, fake or otherwise, is here. You can always depend on us to keep you informed. Or at least, intelligently misinformed.

Monday, July 15, 2013


George Zimmerman is guilty!!1!! At least, that's the word from the oh, so well-informed band of lefties that are still allowed to roam free.

And, to some degree, they're right.

Zimmerman's crimes? Having a "Z" on the wrong end of his last name.

You see, if his last name had been Lopez, Rodríguez, Gonzalez, or some other name in keeping with his mother's Peruvian background, he wouldn't have confused people into thinking he was white. And, for that, George Zimmerman must be held accountable.

Another of Zimmerman's crimes? Being half-white. His father is white, you see. Having one white parent and one non-white parent gets you branded as white. Unless it's your mother that's white and your father is from Kenya. Zimmerman should have chosen his parents more carefully, and should be held accountable.

Another thing Zimmerman did wrong is not have a made-up first name. Like Trayvon. You see, having a name that extends back beyond 1966* means that he and his parents are racist. Or something. And, the fact that his parents named him after George W. Bush shows just how racist they are. And, for that, George M. (an upside-down "W"!!1!) Zimmerman must be held accountable.

But, George Zimmerman isn't the only one to blame for things. The prosecution, for instance, tried to paint Zimmerman as a racist, but completely failed to mention that he's a registered Democrat. Now, I don't know about you, but most of the Democrats I know are racist.

Now, I know what some of your are thinking: Zimmerman's politics shouldn't be considered in determining his guilt. But, this trial was about much more than justice. It was about falling in line with a narrative, and the prosecution, bless their hearts, as hard as they tried, just did a poor job of accomplishing that. And, on account of it, an innocent man goes free.

There's no justice in the world, I tell you.

Friday, July 12, 2013

When cheetahs attack

Image: CBS/Letterman
On a recent appearance on David Letterman's show, Adam Sandler told about being attacked by a cheetah. It was during a visit to some rescued animals that the actor, under supervision, attempted to give a big cat some water, and the cheetah wanted more, according to Sky News.
As the actor bends down next to a small pond, the adult cheetah goes behind him and leaps on to his back.

Sandler attempts to stand up while the keeper rushes to get the cat off. The animal finally moves away but not before appearing to get its claws into Sandler's back and arm.

That story gave me chills. I mean, wild animals attempting to take out Adam Sandler when there are so many more deserving targets like Jay-Z, Alec Baldwin, and Justin Bieber running around?

Truthfully, I would not like to see Adam Sandler attacked by a cheetah. And you wouldn't either, if you were honest with yourself.

But, like me, there are plenty of others that could use a good cheetah mauling. Like the three I mentioned.

What about you? No, not you being attacked by a cheetah. Who would you like to see attacked by a cheetah? That's not a horrible thing to wish on someone, is it?

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Robot Snakes

They've gone and invented Robot Snakes. That's not the 21st century I was looking forward to.

You see, when I was a child, I remember the robot from Lost In Space. That was a cool robot. There were other robots on TV and in movies. Robby the Robot from Forbidden Planet, who also played a robotoid (whatever that was) on Lost In Space, was popular with many people.

In books, the robots of Isaac Asimov were pretty cool. And, maybe the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz was a robot. There was the chick-bot in Metropolis with the metal boobs. The gorilla in the diving helmet from Robot Monster. And, that reminds me of Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

I could go on and on, but the point is, we all saw a lot of robots over the years. Every kind of robot imaginable, right?


In January, I told you about the vomiting robots. Last month, we found about about the robot monkeys. Well, somebody has topped that. A bunch of folks from Carnegie Mellon University -- do we know anybody from there? -- have built robot snakes.

Yes, that's right. Robot snakes. Frikkin' robot snakes.

Really. It's not a plot to a movie on SyFy. It's a real thing and not some Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, LL Cool J, Eric Roberts movie.

So, maybe you're thinking, hey, that's cool. They'll be able to snake their way (get it?) through some really difficult to reach places and, I don't know, do robot stuff.

Sure. And guess where they're deploying them? Nuclear plants.

That's right. We're soon going to be overrun with giant mutant radioactive robot snakes.

I think I'd rather deal with Tiffany and Debbie Gibson. Of course, that's probably true about most things.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Restructuring Microsoft

According to reports, Microsoft will unveil its new restructuring on Thursday.

The one-time tech leader is looking to change its form into something better suited to today's environment. But just what will those changes entail?

I'm thinking they'll split into two major division: Stuff That Works and Stuff That's Crap.

The Stuff That Works will continue to support the Xbox 360, the Microsoft Mouse, Microsoft Surface Pro, and Microsoft Security Essentials.

The Stuff That's Crap division will encompass Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Surface RT, Xbox One, and just about everything else.

Products and services like Microsoft office, which are currently slated for the Stuff That's Crap division could wind up in Stuff That Works, but that's still uncertain.

Now, will Microsoft really do this? Well, they already have. At least, that's how I've thought of there stuff for years. On Thursday, they have the chance to make it official.

Will they? Probably not.

Will the restructuring work? Are you kidding? The people that brought you Clippy, Microsoft Bob, the Zune, and the Ken? What could possibly go wrong?

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Rocket Man

For no reason whatsoever, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. William Shatner:

[Source: YouTube]

Friday, July 5, 2013

Trusted Friend

[Marimba ringtone plays]


Hey. It's me.

Who is this?

Me. Or you. From your past.

Um, what do you want?

Yeah, I wanted to call you and tell you it's a bad idea.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Independence Day 2013

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.
  • He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
  • He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
  • He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
  • He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
  • He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
  • He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
  • He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
  • He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
  • He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
  • He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
  • He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
  • He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
  • He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
    • For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
    • For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
    • For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
    • For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
    • For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
    • For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
    • For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
    • For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
    • For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
  • He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
  • He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
  • He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
  • He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
  • He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.