Heh-heh-heh

I was guilty of watching Beavis and Butt-Head way back when.

Yes, it was stupid and lame. Juvenile humor. No redeeming value whatsoever. Of course I watched it.

I got the humor. Yes, juvenile, like I said. But I got it partly because I knew folks like Beavis and Butt-Head. Okay, a little bit like Beavis and Butt-Head.

I was reminded of it when TiVo decided to record Beavis and Butt-Head Do America the other day.

TiVo knows me too well, I think.

Anyway, there it was in the TiVo Suggestions section, just above It Happened One Night, the 1934 Oscar winner for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, and Best Actress.

Of course, you know which one I watched.

Beavis and Butt-Head reminded me of a situation that happened a little while back.

There's a new sports shop that's opened in the area. And around the time it opened, a group of us went to lunch. And the group included several different folks. Men. Women. Grown folks. And Beavis.

Or maybe he was Butt-Head.

He could have been either.

He's usually a pretty good fellow. But he had a little bit of Beavis and Butt-Head in him.

So, when this businessman started talking about going to Dick's Sporting Goods, knowing Beavis, I glanced over at him ... and saw that look on his face.

I wondered if I could have some fun with this one.

The businessman said, "Have any of you been to Dick's Sporting Goods?"

Beavis got that look.

I said, "No, is it open yet? I've been wondering when it was finally going to happen."

"Yes," the businessman replied, not looking directly at me. "I like Dick's."

I took the opportunity to glance at Beavis. He could hardly control himself.

"Do they have a lot of stuff?"

"Oh, yes. It's huge! They've got everything."

"Well, I need to stop by there and check it out," I said.

"Oh, yeah. You'll like Dick's," the businessman replied.

Beavis was about to burst a bladder.

And I enjoyed his discomfort.

But, if Beavis and Butt-Head still came on, I doubt I would watch it. I can watch it in real life nearly every day.

Oscar

I didn't watch the Academy Awards on Sunday. I haven't seen any of the films nominated for Best Picture, Director, Actor, Actress, or any of the major nominations.

So, I guess I didn't watch because I don't care who wins.

I wonder why that is.

Use to be, I watched award shows. Oscars, Emmys, and such. Never cared much for the Tonys, though. Still, Oscar was a regular, yearly thing I watched.

Not sure when I stopped. Maybe when they quit making good movies. Maybe it was when they thought they were qualified to talk about political events because they can fake emotion on cue, I'm not sure.

Anyway, I wasn't sure what to think when Marlon Brando sent former Miss American Vampire and future Playboy Playmate Maria Cruz (AKA Sacheen Littlefeather) to refuse his Oscar.

Coming on the heels of George C. Scott's refusal two years earlier, it sort of lost impact, for me anyway. I wonder if that's why they gave the next two awards to Jack Lemmon and Art Carney. They wouldn't say no, that's for sure.

Anyway, the whole idea of actors making political statements always seemed a little silly to me.

Oh, sure, Ronald Reagan was an actor. But he pretty much decided to go into politics full time. Being an actor neither qualified him nor disqualified him from politics.

So, I'm not sure why actors today think they're qualified to comment on real life. I'm not sure if any of them have any idea what real life is like.

And maybe that's why I don't watch the Oscars any more.

It's not real. It doesn't matter. But it seems I'm the only one that realizes that. The folks on TV (and in the movies) seem to think they matter. They don't.

And neither do their awards.

Casablanca Quiz

I mentioned last week that my Big Sister (who's 5'4'') hadn't seen some movies that I thought she should have seen. The list included "It's a Wonderful Life," "A Christmas Story," "The Princess Bride" and "Casablanca."

Well, in an attempt to rectify that horrible situation, I forced her to watch one of those: "The Princess Bride." Actually, I forced her to watch another film, but one that wasn't on the list: the Buster Keaton 1927 classic, "The General."

She didn't care for "The Princess Bride," which actually surprised me somewhat. She didn't hate it, but she didn't particularly care for it, either.

"The General," however, she did like. She probably wouldn't watch it again, but she enjoyed it. Part of the reason may have been its plot involving an event in Georgia history (she's an educator, you see). Part may have been some of the special effects ... more accurately, the stunts. Which had worried me, because she said she doesn't care for Buster Keaton. But I happen to like Buster Keaton.

We never got around to watching "Casablanca," though. You see, she doesn't like Humphrey Bogart, either. So it appeared she wasn't going to watch it. We talked about it for a little bit, with me saying that I thought it was the best American film of all time. Most polls list it behind "Citizen Kane," but I think it's tops.

Anyway, when she found out it won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1943, she was intrigued. So, I left her the film, with the expectation she'd watch it.

She might. But she might not. But I'll be able to tell.

Here's a quiz about "Casablanca" that she'll only be able to answer it if she watches. Or asks someone. But she wouldn't go through the trouble of finding someone who knows the movie ... or doing the Internet research to find the answers. She'd watch it to answer the questions.

So, if she answers these questions, we'll know she watched the movie. If not ... well, she misses out on a great film.

1. Why did Rick tell Capt. Renault he came to Casablanca?
2. What did Rick tell Maj. Strasser when the latter asked his nationality?
3. What color did Ilsa wear that day in Paris?
4. Who wore grey?
5. What about Ugarte did Rick object?
6. Why was Capt. Renault unconcerned about the gun pointed at his heart?
7. Who is Ferrari going to pay for the cigarettes?
8. What were Capt. Renault's instructions following Maj. Strasser's killing?
9. What did Capt. Renault say he was shocked (shocked!) to discover happening at Rick's?
10. What kind of man is Capt. Renault?
11. What watch?
12. How much did Ilsa offer Rick for his thoughts?
13. If it's December 1941 in Casablanca, what time is it in New York?
14. Where did Rick hide the letters of transit?

If you can answer them without re-watching the film, you probably really like the film. And if you can't answer those questions, watch the film again.

Anyway, I'm curious if my Big Sister (who's 5'4'') will be able to answer them all.

My money's on "no."

Movies For My Big Sister

I found out something about my Big Sister (who's 5'4'') this week that I didn't know.

She lives a sheltered life.

Okay, I actually knew her life was somewhat sheltered. But it hit me just how sheltered.

No, I don't mean things like meeting certain undesirable elements of society. I mean from good things. From pleasant things. From positive things.

Like really good movies.

You see, my Big Sister (who's 5'4'') has never seen "It's a Wonderful Life," for example. She's seen parts of it, but never the whole thing. Of all the times it's aired on network TV or on local channels during the Christmas season over the years, she's never seen it all.

Oh, that's not all.

She's never seen "A Christmas Story" either. No "I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!" or "You'll shoot your eye out" or "It's a Major Award!" or "Fra-gee-lay. That must be Italian." or "I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!" or ... Well, if you've seen the movie, you know I could go on and on. But my Big Sister hasn't seen it.

And she's never seen The Princess Bride. Which means that "As you wish" has no special meaning to her. Nor does "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." Neither does "Anybody want a peanut?" hold any special meaning. Nor the R.O.U.S.es. Nor "INCONCEIVABLE!" Nor "Not to 50!" Nor anything from that movie.

And she's never seen Casablanca. Which means she doesn't know the answer to the question: "Liebchen - sweetnessheart, what watch?" Or "What kind of a man is Captain Renault?" She doesn't know who Captain Renault told his men to arrest for killing Major Strasser. Or anything from that movie.

My Big Sister (who's 5'4'') has lived a sheltered life. The Wife and I are planning an intervention. Or a reverse intervention.

Because she should see those movies. And so should you.

Magnificent

Yesterday, I mentioned that a blogger called President Bush a cowboy ... like that was a bad thing. And I said that my impression of a cowboy is of a good guy. I mentioned The Lone Ranger,John Wayne, andThe Magnificent Seven.

Despite my feeling that cowboys are heroes, I've never considered myself a fan of Westerns. Sure, I used to watch the Lone Ranger, Roy Rogers, and such when I was a child. And I consider The Magnificent Seven one of the best films ever made. But I'm not really a fan of the Western.

But if you haven't seen The Magnificent Seven, you really should. If you can't recall how long it's been since you've seen The Magnificent Seven, it's time to watch it again.

If you're not familiar with it ... or theThe Seven Samurai on which it is based ... here's a little about the movie.

*** SPOILER ALERT *** (If you consider the plot summary of a 46-year-old movie to be a spoiler)

Buster Keaton

Several years ago ... I don't remember just when ... I found out about Buster Keaton. Might have been an episode of the Twilight Zone (Once Upon A Time). Might have been "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World." Might have been some special on public TV. Whatever it was, I was fascinated. And an instant fan.

The trouble is, you don't ... or didn't ... get to see many of Buster Keaton's movies. But, one day, I caught "The General" on cable TV. If you're not familiar with "The General," you've missed a classic.

It's loosely ... very loosely ... based on the Great Locomotive Chase. That's where Andrews Raiders captured a Confederate railroad engine and were chased by the conductor and eventually captured with Andrews and 7 others hung as spies.

From that, Buster Keaton found the basis for a comedy.

"The General" ... with all its sight gags, wonderful timing, and Keaton's great Stone Face ... is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. Ever.

If you've seen it, you understand when I mention Johnny Gray (Buster's character) trying to get the boxcar in front of his engine moved ... getting it moved to a side track while running on foot next to a moving locomotive ... turning away to tend the engine while the boxcar returns from the side track ... turning back to see it back, and Buster's perfect reaction ... then turning away to tend the engine, missing the boxcar hitting a cross-tie and derailing ... then turning back to see it gone again.

I don't know how else to describe that sequence of events. But the action and the timing is perfect. And Buster's face is priceless.

If you haven't seen it ... well, it's your loss.

Recently, I introduced Buster Keaton to a friend at work. He loved "The General." And "Steamboat Bill, Jr.." And, to repay the favor, loaned me a DVD containing "Our Hospitality."

That movie is based ... loosely ... on Romeo and Juliet. But without all the suicides. And with lots of Buster Keaton sight gags, situations, and reactions.

As much as I like my TiVo, don't much beat a good old fashioned funny, funny movie.

Black and white.

Silent.

Funny.

Wise The Quiz Thinks I Am

At Kirsten's place I found this. Surprising to me the results are.

You scored as Yoda. Yoda 78% Anakin Skywalker 64% C-3PO 58% Emperor Palpatine 53% R2-D2 50% Obi Wan Kenobi 47% General Grievous 39% Padme Amidala 36% Darth Vader 33% Clone Trooper 31% Chewbacca 31% Mace Windu 28% Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

Movie Review: The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy