Microsoft condom

Bill Gates wants a better rubber. Not necessarily for him, mind you, but for people in general.

According to the Grand Challenges in Global Health project of the Gates Foundation, they want a better rubber:

We are looking for a Next Generation Condom that significantly preserves or enhances pleasure, in order to improve uptake and regular use.

They're serious about this. They're offering $100,000 to help you get the project up ... so to speak. They think that's enough to cover it.

Now, I've never considered taking on such a project, but I suspect it would be hard. But, I'm sure there are plenty of people who would love to go hands-on in such an adventure. And, if they succeed, I'm sure good things will come.

There one thing, though. Despite the fact that Bill Gates is no longer running Microsoft, there's the natural association of him with the software giant. He founded the company, and ran it for years. Bill Gates and Microsoft are still thought of as one.

Add to that the fact that one of the primary uses of a condom is prevention of disease. They're not just for stopping pregnancy anymore; they're for stopping the spread of disease. Viruses.

What's Microsoft's record at stopping viruses?

Consider this: if someone says they got a virus, do you immediately thing of a disease? Or are you wondering if their Windows computer is infected?

Heck, I recently spent a couple of days removing trojans (the sneaky virus kind, not the prophylactic) from someone's Microsoft computer. Really. It was a very serious, very hard-to-fix problem. Ended up having to reformat the hard drive and restore the computer to factory settings after all other efforts failed.

So, should you trust something from Microsoft to stop a virus? Not on your life.

Scaling back

Holy crap!

I just stepped on the scales.

In the bathroom, there are ... well, bathroom scales.

I don't stand on them much. They're just ... there. Keeping guard over that corner of the bathroom.

And, they've done a good job, too. No terrorists have attacked us from that corner of the bathroom. Still on Yellow Alert, though, just in case.

Anyway, I turned on the hot water (got an old water heater that we turn on when we shower, and off when we're done), and readied to take a shower. I mean, it is bedtime.

But, being the silly person I am, I looked over at the scales and ... wondered.

I made a mental note of what the number would be. And I didn't like the number I expected. I'm overweight, and know it.

So, with number firmly planted in my brain, I stepped on the scales.

Holy crap.

That wasn't the number I was expecting. That number was on the wrong side of the little dial. I'd have to go on a serious crash diet to get near that number.

I was stunned.

Probably shouldn't have been, though.

But now I know.

And I've taken steps to correct it.

I've directed that all food ... and living animals that could be turned into food ... be removed from the property.

I am swearing off eating unti ... oh ... say ... December 21, 2012. I ought to be down to 185 (my "ideal" weight) by then.

If the world's still around on that day, I'll have a bran muffin.

And a Coke.

The shadow knows

I need to go on a diet.

I mean, I know it. Anyone who looks at me knows it.

In high school, I was 6'2'' and weighed 120 lbs.

Really.

I'm no taller, but a heckuva lot heavier.

And, I know that I need to drop a few pounds.

A light came on and told me.

No, not one of those "AHA!" moments where people say "a light came on."

An actual light came on.

It happened at work.

Now, I don't normally talk about work. This blog and my job ain't got nothing to do with each other. I don't blog at work, and I don't blog about work.

But still, something happened at work.

Only, it's got nothing to do with work. Other than it happened to be the place that the light came on.

Let me explain.

We got some of those movement-activated lights. Motion detectors. You know what I'm talking about.

The idea, I suppose, is that if someone walks out of a room and leaves a light on, if no movement happens, the light will go off, even though the switch is in the "on" position.

Oh, and if a large mass moves in the room, the light will come on.

Well, there's several rooms like that at work. And, I'll walk past several of these each day.

Today, I walked past a dark room. The room was on my right. Windows were on my left. And, a shadow was cast on the wall to my right. And when I walked past that particular room, my shadow was in the room.

When I walked past it today, the light came on.

I didn't enter the room. I wasn't even up against the wall.

But my shadow apparently was heavy enough to cause the light to come on.

And, yes, I know. If I'm so heavy that my shadow sets off a motion detector, it's time to call Jenny Craig.

So, I guess I'm going on a diet.

Starting tomorrow.

Or the next day.