NBC News is now legal

Earlier this month, a new law went into effect that essentially neutralizes the Smith-Mundt Act of 1948 and Foreign Relations Authorization Act from 1987. What that means is that it's no longer illegal for U.S. government propaganda to be broadcast in the United States.

Those earlier laws kept U.S. government broadcasts from internal consumption. Radio Free Europe, for instance, couldn't be broadcast internally, just at and in other countries. But, it's a lot bigger than beaming the Drifters' "On Broadway" at people. It means that government-authored news can now be broadcast at Americans. Of course, NBC, CNN, CBS, and ABC have been official organs of the U.S. government since Obama took office.

People wanting to avoid news authored by the White House can no longer simply avoid NBC or the other channels.

What's left? Well, Fox News. Maybe. I actually look for government propaganda to crack that nut soon.

No, the only bastion of truly reliable news, fake or otherwise, is here. You can always depend on us to keep you informed. Or at least, intelligently misinformed.

Guilty!

George Zimmerman is guilty!!1!! At least, that's the word from the oh, so well-informed band of lefties that are still allowed to roam free.

And, to some degree, they're right.

Zimmerman's crimes? Having a "Z" on the wrong end of his last name.

You see, if his last name had been Lopez, Rodríguez, Gonzalez, or some other name in keeping with his mother's Peruvian background, he wouldn't have confused people into thinking he was white. And, for that, George Zimmerman must be held accountable.

Another of Zimmerman's crimes? Being half-white. His father is white, you see. Having one white parent and one non-white parent gets you branded as white. Unless it's your mother that's white and your father is from Kenya. Zimmerman should have chosen his parents more carefully, and should be held accountable.

Another thing Zimmerman did wrong is not have a made-up first name. Like Trayvon. You see, having a name that extends back beyond 1966* means that he and his parents are racist. Or something. And, the fact that his parents named him after George W. Bush shows just how racist they are. And, for that, George M. (an upside-down "W"!!1!) Zimmerman must be held accountable.

But, George Zimmerman isn't the only one to blame for things. The prosecution, for instance, tried to paint Zimmerman as a racist, but completely failed to mention that he's a registered Democrat. Now, I don't know about you, but most of the Democrats I know are racist.

Now, I know what some of your are thinking: Zimmerman's politics shouldn't be considered in determining his guilt. But, this trial was about much more than justice. It was about falling in line with a narrative, and the prosecution, bless their hearts, as hard as they tried, just did a poor job of accomplishing that. And, on account of it, an innocent man goes free.

There's no justice in the world, I tell you.

When cheetahs attack

Image: CBS/Letterman

On a recent appearance on David Letterman's show, Adam Sandler told about being attacked by a cheetah. It was during a visit to some rescued animals that the actor, under supervision, attempted to give a big cat some water, and the cheetah wanted more, according to Sky News.

As the actor bends down next to a small pond, the adult cheetah goes behind him and leaps on to his back.

Sandler attempts to stand up while the keeper rushes to get the cat off. The animal finally moves away but not before appearing to get its claws into Sandler's back and arm.

That story gave me chills. I mean, wild animals attempting to take out Adam Sandler when there are so many more deserving targets like Jay-Z, Alec Baldwin, and Justin Bieber running around?

Truthfully, I would not like to see Adam Sandler attacked by a cheetah. And you wouldn't either, if you were honest with yourself.

But, like me, there are plenty of others that could use a good cheetah mauling. Like the three I mentioned.

What about you? No, not you being attacked by a cheetah. Who would you like to see attacked by a cheetah? That's not a horrible thing to wish on someone, is it?

Robot Snakes

They've gone and invented Robot Snakes. That's not the 21st century I was looking forward to.

You see, when I was a child, I remember the robot from Lost In Space. That was a cool robot. There were other robots on TV and in movies. Robby the Robot from Forbidden Planet, who also played a robotoid (whatever that was) on Lost In Space, was popular with many people.

In books, the robots of Isaac Asimov were pretty cool. And, maybe the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz was a robot. There was the chick-bot in Metropolis with the metal boobs. The gorilla in the diving helmet from Robot Monster. And, that reminds me of Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

I could go on and on, but the point is, we all saw a lot of robots over the years. Every kind of robot imaginable, right?

Wrong.

In January, I told you about the vomiting robots. Last month, we found about about the robot monkeys. Well, somebody has topped that. A bunch of folks from Carnegie Mellon University -- do we know anybody from there? -- have built robot snakes.

Yes, that's right. Robot snakes. Frikkin' robot snakes.

Really. It's not a plot to a movie on SyFy. It's a real thing and not some Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, LL Cool J, Eric Roberts movie.

So, maybe you're thinking, hey, that's cool. They'll be able to snake their way (get it?) through some really difficult to reach places and, I don't know, do robot stuff.

Sure. And guess where they're deploying them? Nuclear plants.

That's right. We're soon going to be overrun with giant mutant radioactive robot snakes.

I think I'd rather deal with Tiffany and Debbie Gibson. Of course, that's probably true about most things.

Restructuring Microsoft

According to reports, Microsoft will unveil its new restructuring on Thursday.

The one-time tech leader is looking to change its form into something better suited to today's environment. But just what will those changes entail?

I'm thinking they'll split into two major division: Stuff That Works and Stuff That's Crap.

The Stuff That Works will continue to support the Xbox 360, the Microsoft Mouse, Microsoft Surface Pro, and Microsoft Security Essentials.

The Stuff That's Crap division will encompass Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Surface RT, Xbox One, and just about everything else.

Products and services like Microsoft office, which are currently slated for the Stuff That's Crap division could wind up in Stuff That Works, but that's still uncertain.

Now, will Microsoft really do this? Well, they already have. At least, that's how I've thought of there stuff for years. On Thursday, they have the chance to make it official.

Will they? Probably not.

Will the restructuring work? Are you kidding? The people that brought you Clippy, Microsoft Bob, the Zune, and the Ken? What could possibly go wrong?

Rocket Man

For no reason whatsoever, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. William Shatner:

[Source: YouTube]

Trusted Friend

[Marimba ringtone plays]


Hello?


Hey. It's me.


Who is this?


Me. Or you. From your past.


Um, what do you want?


Yeah, I wanted to call you and tell you it's a bad idea.