Friday, July 25, 2014

Some days you just can't get rid of a cheeseburger!

You ever had one of those days where it felt kinda like a Twilight Zone episode? I had one recently.

I had taken a sandwich to work, planning to eat at my desk at lunch and get a few things done without being bothered. Of course, some things came up and I needed to run an errand. So, despite my plans to the contrary, it turns out that I'm leaving the office at lunch anyway. I eat and drive as I run my errands, and then, as I'm heading back to the office, I wind up stopped at a stop sign.

I saw her before I got to the intersection. So did the car in front of me. And the car in front of them. She finished talking to the car in front of me as I was approaching the intersection, and she walked out of the street back onto the sidewalk to the left.

I stopped at the stop sign, looked to the right, back to the left ... and there she was at my window. Some sad story about wanting to get some money to buy food for her three kids -- maybe it was four; more on that in a minute -- in her car that's over on 11th. She points the wrong way.

"I won't give you any money, but I'll get you some food. Be right back."

So, I turn, realize that there's a Burger King closer if I go the other way. So, I turn around and head towards the BK.

I forgot there's also a McDonald's right near the Burger King, and the McDonald's is actually easier to get into and out of. So, I hit the drive-thru at the McDonald's.

Couldn't remember if it was three kids and four of them total, or if she said four kids. So, I order five McDoubles, five small fries, three bottles of milk, and two bottles of water.

I head back to the intersection where she was, and she's nowhere to be found. So, I head towards 11th. She's not there, and there's no car with kids.

Okay, fine. I have five McDouble meals. Not a problem. Every time I stop for gas at the gas station across the street from the McDonald's downtown (not the one I bought the burgers from), someone always approaches wanting money or a ride or something. So, I'll just swing by there and find one of those people and give them some Mickey D's. Only, for the first time in memory, there's no bums hanging around.

Okay, there's a few that hang around the downtown Burger King, so I head by there. None to be found.

Post Office. I often get accosted at the Post Office by someone claiming to be a veteran that served in some Army unit that never existed. So, I head to the Post Office. Nobody hanging around out front. There are even plenty of parking spaces. That never happens.

Ah. I know. The Synovus building. It's over by the river, and there's some homeless guy that sits on a bench overlooking the river walk and eats, sleeps, and does whatever else there, 24/7. So, off to the river. He's not there.

It seems that all the homeless people took the day off. Here I am, stuck with five McDoubles, and now I'm starting to run late getting back to work.

The good news, I suppose, is that those people at work can eat. I mean, I've seen goats eat less.

I sorta wondered about all the homeless people. You see them all the time, but you never notice them. And now, here I am looking for them and I can't find any. I'm still trying to figure out where they all went.

If you have any ideas, let me know. I'm curious as to what they're up to.


  1. Maybe that was the day the monthly SNAP benefits were doled out.

  2. She might have been a ghost from the Depression... of 2008.

  3. The Rapture...We are going to Hell...


    Good for you for your efforts. Rewards in heaven are the promise.

    It also sounds like you have a promising future with the government -- just have taxpayers pay for the burgers. Actual results do not matter.

  5. Maybe she found a "Mejor" McCheese.

  6. Man from WazzustanJuly 25, 2014 at 7:54 AM

    I always ask for more details. Amazing how many rewind and start from the beginning. People, you have to build a legend. That is how you will succeed in the USA!

    I plow my resources into a trusted religious charity that helps Haitian orphans. No safety net there! ROI is sky high. Gets them educated and teaches them how to succeed the old fashioned way. Sort of the opposite of what happens here.

  7. Next time try giving them some cookies from a good Samoa tin.

  8. so have a job???

  9. The sewer. Rumor is they have an entire underground city down there, have allied with the indigenous creatures, and are building an army of cross-bred mole men and rat people.

    That's why I'm remiss to offer them car-side charity. I know that at the end of the day, I'm just funding future terrorism.

  10. They’re on top of a train headed to Guatemala -- with everybody moving here, there are bound to be some street corner openings down there.

  11. Soylent Green. No one is hungry anymore.


    just not hungry anymore

  13. You're a good figment of FrnakJ's imagination, but....

    Being a cynical POS, I would say the kids were fictitious.

  14. She's obviously an amateur, all the successful "homeless people bums around here pretend to be homeless at places nowhere near any form of food store, like the end of a highway. Same people day in and day out, and all the idiots who drive by every day apparently don't get that these people aren't "homeless"and that if they put as much energy into a J O B that they do standing there like the bloodsucking leeches they are, they'd have no need to make their BS cardboard signs and call themselves "homeless".

  15. There's one homeless guy in DC that I see on the same streetcorner more often than not. We've gotten to the point where we even greet each other. He sells a non-profit paper that is designed as a product for the homeless to sell instead of begging. I always 'donate' to him and get one. On occasion I'll even hit a coffee shop and bring him one on cold mornings (one cream, two sugars).
    On the flip side, I've had some ask for food money and when I offer to get them a sandwich instead they walk away. There was one young lady who hit me up about 5 years ago near the National Science Foundation with a story that she was pregnant and needed money...I deferred. About 2 years later guess who I see at Union Station giving the same story to two older female tourists? Guess who I came up to me about 18 months ago? I asked her how her other two kids were and it confused the hell out of her.

  16. I agree with 4of7, bacon to you Basil for trying!
    On a lighter note, with the global warming stall, maybe hobos being around is a seasonal problem there now like it is up here in the north? Look out for snow!

  17. You needed to go a little further up 2nd Ave. somewhere around the Salvation Army or Valley Rescue, or if you were really feeling adventurous, up to Home Depot.

  18. Tim, you are right. I shoulda thought of that. I came down Hamilton/Fifth Ave, driving by that converted school (still can't remember that name is why I didn't mention it), turned on 14th, since that McDonald's/Circle K area is usually crawling with them, before I took Veterans towards the BK. Came out 12th towards the Post Office, and never thought about turning up Second Ave. That shoulda been my first stop.


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