With apologies to no one (although the late Meredith Willson might not care for this)...
About the Iowa way to caucus,
When we caucus
Which we can’t get right at all.
There's an Iowa kind of special
Chip and software attitude.
We've never been without.
That we recall.
We can be down
As your falling poll numbers in the backrooms
If you ask to get the vote results on time.
And we're so by God stubborn
We won't admit that there's a problem
For a week or more.
Want the results? You can kiss our ass.
But what the heck, we'll tell ya,
What we think we want to tell ya
You can throw a fit
But really keep it to yourself.
You really shoulda give Iowa a pass.
But we'll give you a kick
And a smack to go with it
If your polls should happen to crash.
So, what the heck, you're welcome,
Glad to have you with us.
Even though you may not ever want to come again.
You really ought to give Iowa
Ought to give Iowa a pass!