Championship Saturday

I miss Leonard's Losers. If you never heard Leonard Postero's show, where he picked the outcome of college football games as Leonard Postosties, then you really missed something. He was witty, and he knew his football, right way more often than wrong.

Leonard left us back in 2001, having retired from the show in 1999. He was a pleasure to listen to.

If he was still with us, I like to think it might go like this. It wouldn't. It'd be a lot funnier and a lot more accurate:

Cue: Foggy Mountain Breakdown


This is Percy Peabody tellin' you it's time for Leonard's Losers ... starting Leonard Postosties, the world's greatest football prognosticator. Tell 'em 'bout it, Lenny.


Well, thank you, Percy, and howdy, football fans.

This is the day that football fans have been waiting for. It's the Saturday where all the conference championships are settled, as well as the only championship that matters: and that's for the Southeast Conference.

It's been a long time since I've had to fire up the ol' Smartpill Machine. It broke down and was placed in the Big Junk Room In The Sky back about 20 years ago, and I followed not too long after.

Still, I've never been one to let one of life's little obstacles keep me down for too long.

The Little Smartpill Machine is fired up and ready to go ... and so am I. We'll take a look at the most important games this weekend coming up after this message from our benefactor.





Auburn vs South Carolina

The cocky Cocks from Columbia earned a rematch with the Big Kitties from the Plains despite posting a 5-3 record in the SEC.

Cam Newton has shown himself to be worth every penny with his play this season. He's led the East Alabama Cow College to the top of the football world, and he has the chance to nail down the Heisman simply by not losing.

Steve Spurrier returns to the SEC Championship Game with the best team in the East ... and the worst team he's ever taken to the big hoedown in Atlanta. He's 6-and-1 in the conference championship, and knows how to win this game. But his players don't.

These two teams met in September, with the Roosters jumping out to the early lead, but the Cats coming back in the 4th quarter to take the win.

Spurrier might be the better coach, but Auburn is the better team. Leonard's Loser, in a close one: South Carolina.


Oklahoma vs Nebraska

Two teams that both lost to Texas A&M meet to decide the Big 12 championship. And, unless some more teams are added to the Dwindling 12, it might just be the last Big 12 championship.

The Big Red Thrashing Machine has run roughshod over the competition this season ... except for two small speedbumps.

The Wagonmasters from Norman have had a good run as well, although their stumbles seemed to be a bit worse.

In the days of Big Eight football, this game was always a classic. Now that they are in separate divisions of the Big 12, they don't play nearly as often. And with Nebraska making the jump to the 11-team Big Ten, these old rivals will only meet on New Years Day from now on.

This one could be a great one that won't be decided until the fourth quarter ... or beyond. Leonard's Loser, in another close one, Oklahoma.


Florida State vs Virginia Tech

Once upon a time, this used to be a battle of top five schools. Nowadays, it's a battle just to get to the ACC championship game.

After beginning the season as the Chokies, the Polytechnicals have put together an impressive run after falling to a bunch of Smurfs and one of the Founding Fathers. The upside is, they've made mincemeat out of the competition. The downside is, the competition is a worse-than-normal ACC.

The Semi-holes have had an up and down season. They proved they were the best team in Florida, but only the third-best team in North Carolina.

Jimbo Fisher's North Florida Tribe took care of business when they needed to, and are looking to leave Charlotte with some Old Hokie scalps. But they need to watch out. Frank Beamer's cadets know how to handle themselves.

Leonard's Loser: FSU.

We'll be back after this word from Dear Old Dad...





Southern Methodist vs Central Florida

Nobody knows how a bunch of Wild Horses from the Dallas area ended up in the Conference-USA championship game, unless John Wesley asked a favor from the Almighty. But make it they did. Last year, June Jones led his Mustangs to their first bowl game since coming back from the dead. This year, they can take a conference championship trophy with them when they go bowling.

But first, they have to get by George O'Leary's Knights from Orlando. Central Florida has has sole possession of their division since late October, so their appearance in the game isn't because of a padded resume.

SMU has a lot to be proud of. Today won't be part of that.

Leonard's Loser: SMU.


Here's Leonard's List of Likely Losers:

• South Florida will lose to Connecticut
• Utah State will lose to Boise State
• Louisiana Tech will lose to Nevada
• Rutgers will lose to West Virginia
• UNLV will lose to Hawaii
• San Jose State will lose to Idaho
• Middle Tennessee will lose to Florida International
• Florida Atlantic will lose to Troy
• Cincinnati will lose to Pittsburgh
• Oregon State will lose to Oregon
• Washington State will lose to Washington
• UCLA will lose to Southern California

And next weekend, Army will lose to Navy.

Well, the Ol' Smartpill Machine is due for an oil change, and I'm due for a long rest.

Till next time, this is Leonard Postosties saying, "So long, neighbor!" Get me outta here, Percy.

Cue: Foggy Mountain Breakdown


Leonard will be back next time with another bunch of losers. Till then, this is Percy Peabody ... hoping you'll be with us.

Oh, how I miss Leonard.

There are plenty of ways to hear predictions about college football games. You got College Gameday, plus all sorts of sports channels on TV and radio, blogs and whatnot. But nothing ever compared to Leonard's Losers.


Leonard Postero. A great American.

My Windows 7 iPad

So, I was surfing the 'Net with Internet Explorer on my Windows 7 iPad ...

What's that?

Yes, a Windows 7 iPad.

Well, no, not an iPad running on Windows 7. But an iPad running Windows 7.

Let me show you a screen shot, so you'll believe me.



See?

Yes, that's an actual screen shot from my iPad. With my surfing the 'Net with Internet Explorer. And, yes, it looks like Windows 7 because it is Windows 7. And here's a photo of the iPad, running Windows 7:



How?

Actually, it's an app that allows the iPad to operate as a terminal for a virtual machine I'm running on my MacBook. I'm running Parallels 6 on the Mac, running an instance of Windows 7.

So, in reality, it's my Mac that's running Windows 7 in a virtual machine. And my iPad is a terminal of that virtual machine.

What would it take for you to do that the same way I did it?

MacBook Pro (maxed out): $3,336

Parallels 6: $79.99

Windows 7 Ultimate: $319.99

iPad 64GB 3G: $829

Doing it because I can: Priceless.

NASA discovers life on Earth

Hello, I'm Dwayne Brown, NASA's token black guy. And I'm here to introduce a bunch of white folks who called this news conference to announce that they've discovered life on Earth.


Seriously. These crackers here have taken your hard-earned money that your Congressmen gave them and, rather than look for life on Mars or, as some in the media speculated, Saturn's moon Titan, they went to some lake in California and found microbes.


Hell, you can find all sorts of strange life in California. I mean, it's freakin' California! You ever walk the streets of some of those towns?


Tell you what. Let me let these so-called "scientists" tell you themselves about what they've wasted your money on. Which one of you wants to go first?

lolgov - Part the last

Harvey will be back at IMAO soon. And, you'll be able to read new lolbama and lolterizt posts when he returns.

While he's vacationing, I'm offering a poor substitute: lolgov. Which is pretty much an excuse for me to post something lame.

But, on the upside, it did give you the chance to get some of the lol-stuff out of your system. And, as promised, here are the entries that were submitted.

From Larsinkima:


From DamnCat:


From Anniee451:










Returning soon: Harvey's lolterizt and lolbama. If you have something for him, submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Jesus and the ants

Sounds like some band from Athens, doesn't it: Jesus and the ants.

Maybe Seattle. Or Manchester.

Actually, it's part of an exhibit that was at the National Portrait Gallery, which is part of the Smithsonian. I've been to the Gallery of Art, but never to the Portrait Gallery, so I can't say if otherwise it's worth a darn.

Anyway, they've had some exhibit going on there called "Hide/Seek: Difference and Desire in American Portraiture." And that right there is the problem. Who says "portraiture" anyway? A bunch of snot-heads, that's who. You hear somebody use "portraiture" in a sentence, hit them in the head with a stick. They'll thank you for it. Or I will. Either way, you'll be thanked.

But, about Jesus and the ants. One of the exhibits of portraiture is a video. Go figure. And, in the video, is an image of Jesus covered in ants. Only, now the Smithsonian has pulled the video. The guy in charge said "I regret that some reports about the exhibit have created an impression that the video is intentionally sacrilegious. In fact, the artist’s intention was to depict the suffering of an AIDS victim. It was not the museum’s intention to offend. We have removed the video."

Which means it's not his fault he had a video of Jesus covered in ants. It's the fault of Fox News. Or blogs. Or Bush. Or someone else.

I think pulling the video was a mistake. I think they should have found some video of Mohammed covered in ants and included it. Somehow, I suspect that the problem would have been solved in short order, without any Christian having to say or do anything.

Dealing with life on Titan

NASA has some big announcement today. And there's speculation that they found life in outer space.

Where? On Titan, according to the stories.

Why do the news-like people think that's what NASA's big announcement will be? Because of some article NASA posted back in June. It included this NASA-speak:

This lack of acetylene is important because that chemical would likely be the best energy source for a methane-based life on Titan, said Chris McKay, an astrobiologist at NASA Ames Research Center, Moffett Field, Calif., who proposed a set of conditions necessary for this kind of methane-based life on Titan in 2005. One interpretation of the acetylene data is that the hydrocarbon is being consumed as food. But McKay said the flow of hydrogen is even more critical because all of their proposed mechanisms involved the consumption of hydrogen.

What I read into all that is that there are some chemicals disappearing on a moon orbiting a planet that's 9-1/2 times as far away from the sun as the Earth is.

Is there life on Titan causing those chemicals to disappear? Nobody knows.

But what if there is? Is it dangerous life? It might be. Every movie I've every seen about life on other planets involves them trying to kill us, so I don't trust them.

We need to kill Titanians first. And, I think Obama has a plan to do just that.

NASA has been doing outreach to Muslims.

NASA has been planning a one-way space ship trip.

What do these two things mean?

Obama is going to have NASA send suicide bombers to Titan to blow it up.

Damn infidel microbes.

See? Obama knows what he's doing after all. He's the mostest smirt presidential president we've ever had.

Mood music

Columbus radio makes me sad and angry. Columbus, Georgia, in case you didn't know.

Let me explain. The "radio makes me angry" not the "Georgia" part.

I used to work in radio, back in high school and for a little bit afterwards. I know that it's possible to play one song at a time, and not have two overlapping so you can't hear either.

I know it's possible to have one commercial playing at a time, not have two or three playing at the same time.

I also know it's possible to have up-to-date commercials playing, not some Halloween Sale at the furniture store running the week after Thanksgiving.

Columbus radio stations, many of them anyway, don't seem to understand that. The typical listener, I suppose, it just confuses. Me, it pisses off. Because I know what's happening: there's an idiot getting paid money (not good money, but money, anyway) to not do his job right. A job that I could do well (the production board, not the announcing part, though I did both at the same time) when I was in high school.

Maybe I'm odd that way. But, think about it. If you were witnessing someone do something you know how to do, and they always screwed it up, wouldn't you want to say something? Or walk away shaking your head? Or take a stick and ... well, you understand, right?

That kind of stuff makes me just shake my head. But, I get over it easy enough. It's called XM Radio. When I find a local station that is playing good music (doesn't happen often, but it does happen), I'll listen. But, when they start screwing up (which does happen often) I switch over to XM. They don't screw up. At least, not that I've noticed.

The music isn't always what I want to hear. Some of the music from the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and 90s really sucked. But, with the number of stations they have, I can usually find something I can listen to. Heck, if Classic Vinyl or Classic Rewind are playing crappy stuff, I'll even drop down to the 40s on 4, or Symphony Hall, or something. The point is, when the local radio stations get me in a bad mood because of their incompetence, I can find something on XM. Happens a lot. I can find music to get me out of a bad mood.

Works for lots of people. That's why they play Christmas music on the radio starting in August. Seems like that's when they start it.

XM does the same thing. The playing Christmas music early part. I discovered that a couple of weeks ago when I picked Wife up from work. You see, I normally listen to 60s or 70s music. But, when I picked her up, I switched the radio to XM 23 / Love.

You guys know why. Mood music. You don't have to play mood music for a guy. Heck, listening to music doesn't get guys in the mood. Just the fact we have dangly parts is all it takes to get guys in the mood. And music won't get guys out of the mood. The only sounds that might get a guy out of the mood might be a baby crying. Maybe. Other than that, most guys are ready to go at the drop of a hat. Or at the drop of a skirt.

Women, though, are different characters. That's why XM Radio (and Sirius, on channel 3) has that Love Songs channel. There are some guys helping out in programming, and they understand.

Anyway, I put the radio on Love Songs just as Wife got into the car. Mood music. And, it worked. Seems that, until the end of the year, instead of Love Songs, that channel is now Contemporary Holiday Favorites. Christmas-like music featuring John Mayer, Colbie Caillat, Josh Groban, Michael Buble, and other people I've never heard of. In fact, I though Josh Groban coached the Raiders at one time. Or was it Tampa Bay?

Anyway, as mood music, it worked. Only, instead of us running home and getting busy, we went to Walmart. And Kmart. And Sears. All on the same night.

And, other stores on nights since then.

Yep, that mood music really works.

Maybe we need some mood music for other things, too.

If we could find out what radio Obama listens to, maybe we could get them to play songs to make him, I don't know, actually be an American president. Like "God Bless the USA." Then again, I'm not sure Obama believes in either of those.

I wonder what Obama listens to. What kind of radio programs gets him in the mood to do the things he does. Does SiriusXM have an Incompetent Channel? If so, they need to change it. And fast.