Friday, July 20, 2012

MST3K: Episode 705 - Escape 2000

I'm watching all of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes in order. More about that here and here.

Episode 705: Escape 2000

First aired: Comedy Central on 2 March 1996
Availability: MST3KVideos.com

Italy's revenge for WW2.
Let me tell you a story about a movie.

Back in the early 1980s, some Italians, still angry over World War II, I suspect, made a movie. Well, they made a bunch, actually. But there's this one movie...

In it, the daughter of the guy who runs the Manhattan Corporation, a giant evil corporation or something, gets all weepy about being in charge of the arms giant, and runs away.

Where does she run? Why, the Bronx, of course. It's a lawless wasteland run by gangs. In the movie, it's that way, too. She is attacked by one gang but saved by another. Oh, and the evil corporation sends Vic Morrow to get her back by any means necessary. Which is code for "by killing people, if possible."

A miserable character named "Trash." And he's the hero.
The film was released to theaters under the title 1990: Bronx Warriors. It doesn't sound like a good film, does it?

Well, that awful film I just described is not the bad film that was subjected on Mike & the Bots (and the viewers) in this episode. No, they had to watch the sequel to that film, which was worse. Yes, it's Escape from the Bronx for our poor test subjects.

Several years after the events of 1990: Bronx Warriors, big evil General Construction company wants to tear down the Bronx and put up new buildings, but first they have to get rid of the lawless gangs that rule that area, so they send in squads with flame throwers who throw flames and would make life hell for the people still there, except their life is already hell, but they end up killing the parents of Trash, who was sort of the hero of the first movie and is sort of the hero of this movie, but he's unlikable just like everybody else, so anyway he starts killing the death squads, so since Vic Morrow was dead, they hired Henry Silva to take out the Trash, so to speak, but Trash ends up winning and saving the reporter girl, and life in the Bronx goes back to the miserable hell on earth it's supposed to be. Or something. The end.

"The Network" introduces Timmy Bobby Rusty.
I guess I ought to tell you a little more about the episode. Remember in Episode 704: The Incredible Melting Man, where the Host Segments were mostly about how horrible an experience it was to make a movie? Well, in this one, "The Network" wants to introduce a new character, Timmy Bobby Rusty, to spice things up.

Just like the movie studio segments from the earlier episode may have been the writers' way of getting that bad experience out of their system, the whole Timmy Bobby Rusty thing may have been their way of getting their frustration with the network interference out of their system. Oh, and by the time this episode aired in March of 1996, word has leaked out that MST3K wasn't going to be renewed, and there weren't any more new episodes. There actually was one more new episode.

And, yes, the show was canceled, but it would be picked up by another network. More about that later.
Dr. Forrester puts Mrs. Forrester in a home.Henry Silva is the bad buy, probably because he smokes.
While the Host Segments had a little bit of fun -- the horrible little brat that The Network wanted, Dr. Forrester putting Mrs. Forrester in "a home," and Crow accidentally setting the Satellite of Love on fire -- the movie was a little hard to get through. Not so much because of the riffing, mind you. The riffing was good, but the movie was just to bad. The bad guys and the good guys? No difference, except for the metal suits.

My copy is a fan copy. You see, this episode isn't available commercially. Apparently, the studio (or whoever owns the rights), thinks they have a gold mine and don't want to get whatever money they'd get from MST3K DVD sales. They want the full cut of DVD sales.

Keep sitting on that gold mine, Mr. or Mrs. Studio Executive. One day, everybody's going to run out and buy this movie. Keep believing that.



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