Da speech

The president gave his big speech last night. And in it, he laid out a plan.


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It all makes sense to me now. I love it when Obama be speechifying.

Economic advice

What can we do for you, Mr. President?


Poll numbers are down, unemployment's up, and it looks like I'm going to have to go back to Chicago after next year.


You need to give a speech!


Speech! Give a speech!



Hey, that's a great idea! I haven't given a speech in -- gosh -- it seems like days.

Last night's debate winner...

A while back, we dropped cable. Didn't go for satellite. Instead, we decided to rely on the Internet for our television content. And, it's worked well. Except for one thing.

My Internet devices I use to receive TV content -- Windows 7 Media Center, Roku, Apple TV, Xbox -- none of them had last night's debate.

I wanted to watch the debate, so I feel like I missed something. Except I've already picked a candidate, so I wouldn't be watching to change my mind. I'd be watching to see who's going to drop out next.

So, I missed out on what all happened. Reports about who "won" the debate depends on who the person telling me who won was supporting before the debate. In other words, everyone's candidate won. But, since I didn't see it, I can't call BS on what people are telling me.

What all this means is I need someone I trust telling me who won, and why. That's where you come in.

Do you know anyone I can trust? Send them here to tell me who won the debate.

Obama Smart

Sometimes, the things people do are so obviously nuts, even my cat recognizes it.


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Transcript:

I just don't understand some people. Last week, actor George Clooney took the time during a news conference about his new movie to say some nice things about Barack Obama.

George Clooney: There's a guy in office right now who is smarter than almost anybody you know, who has more compassion than almost anybody you know, and he's having an almost impossible time governing.

That's not the first time we've heard someone from the entertainment industry say nice things about Obama. Like how smart he is.

Joy Behar: But I think you have a point. He's a little too smart for the country in a certain way...

You know what all that reminds me of?

CPL Allen Melvin: Raymond Shaw is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.

In the movie "The Manchurian Candidate," those that were singing the praises of Raymond Shaw were brainwashed by communists.

That's not the case with Hollywood. Those singing the praises of Barack Obama? They're brainwashing themselves.

I just don't understand some people.

I think my cat has a point.

Smacked!

It's not that I don't know how to talk smack. It's just that my college football team sucks.

Georgia came off a 7-loss season, and the pollsters saw fit to rank them. Of course, these are the same pollsters that ranked Notre Dame, so there you go.

If you expect me to say that Boise State's a better team than Georgia, then you'd be right. Of course, last night didn't show me that. Watching Georgia for the last few years showed me that.

Boise State wanted respect. Some will give it to them now, though grudgingly.

I'm sounding like a sore loser, aren't I?

Okay. I don't like losing. But, I shouldn't rain on the parade of the winners of last night's game. The Boise State team won and the Boise State fans should be happy. And, with a Mountain West Conference schedule, they should run the table. So, maybe they'll get a chance to play in a really big game at the end of the year. If so, I wish them the best. Unless they play the SEC champ (which won't be Georgia).

Last night, Boise State spanked Georgia. It's like they were punishing them for wearing such ugly uniforms.

Of course, other than talent and execution, Georgia was the best team on the field. Or, one of the top two teams playing in that game, at least.

I still don't understand Georgia's strategy of drive downfield, sputter, miss field goal or punt. Sometimes I wonder if Mark Richt is a double agent. And if Mike Bobo isn't his accomplice. And whoever the Bulldog's fashion designer is. They ought to fire all three, starting with the person who let Nike design the uniforms. Must have been somebody from Oregon.

Georgia has a lot of problems, from the president of the university down. But, they are problems they created themselves, so they must find a way of dealing with them.

Getting spanked by Boise State isn't the way to do it.

I have no faith that Georgia will turn it around. And, replacing Mark Richt and staff won't do it either. Until the president of the university is run out of town on a rail, things won't get better at Georgia.

Though Georgia likely won't benefit from last night's loss, perhaps Boise State will.

They earned it.

Talking smack

Frank started it.

Really. Of course, on his blog, he can say whatever he wants. But really: "watch ... as Boise State whups Georgia!"

Yeah, how'd that work last time? Not too good!

And this year, Georgia will win again, despite the fact Boise State is favored. Can you believe that? Just because Georgia is coming off a 7-loss season.

And lost 10 players to academics or the state penal system or something.

And Georgia having no backfield except a true freshman from a class AA (2nd smallest out of 5 classifications) school.

Why don't these things matter? Because, unlike several of his high school teammates, that running back has yet to be arrested.

And, because Georgia will be wearing some Nike uniforms that are teh ghey. Plus, if they end up competing on Light Cycles, Georgia has the uniform for that.

Plus, there's the pressure factor. If Georgia doesn't win, there will be an uprising among the fans for the school to fire their Fashion Designer.

Hmmm. I'm thinking I'm not doing too good when it comes to talking smack.

Maybe if Georgia gave me some ammunition...

Excuses

Hey, did you hear the news? Obama has a jobs plan! And he's going to actually appear on the TV set to tell us all about it?

Oh, you already heard? Then, you're as excited as I am about it, aren't you? Yeah, I thought so.

*Yawn*

Here's the thing, though. Have you noticed what's been happening to Obama as he tries to schedule things?

First, Obama absolutely has to tell us all about this awesome plan he has. But not today. Next week. When the Republicans are scheduled to debate. On NBC.

(By the way, don't NBC and Obama talk any more? Maybe when Obama gets up in the morning, he doesn't wake NBC. Then, he's off to the golf course before NBC even gets out of bed.)

Anyway, Obama wanted to give this oh-so-important speech on Wednesday, September 7, the same night as the GOP debate. Then Claire Shipman's husband came out and said, "The Republicans can move their debate. It'll be okay with us."

And NBC was, like, "awkward!" Then John Boehner (he's the Speaker of the House or something) was all, like, "No, I'm doing my hair that night, so do it another night."

So then Obama said he'd do it the next night. But then someone realized that the NFL was playing that night. (On a Thursday night? I thought that was reserved for 2nd-tier college football teams.)

Then Obama was all, "Oh, football? I forgot about that. We didn't have that in Kenya when I was a boy."

So, now, it's still Thursday night, but at 7:00 PM.

Which means that the east coast gets to hear Obama speak, but the left coast will be at work (those that work, anyway) and not able to hear him.

What does all this mean?

It means that we've now discovered we can treat Obama like the pretty girls treat the nice-but-don't-want-to-date-him guy from school.

Make an excuse for a date, and he'll merrily go along.

"Hey, America? I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out for a hamburger after study?"

"Oh, Barack, that's so sweet of you to ask. But I'm doing my hair. Some other time, huh?"

"Okay then, America. How about the next night? We could head over to the Bijou and catch that new movie I heard you talking about?"

"Oh, Barack, that's so sweet of you to ask. But I'm getting new wallpaper for my room, and I need to make sure everything is just right. You understand?"

"Sure I do, America. What about an early dinner then. Something quick, maybe?"

"Oh, Barack, that's so sweet of you to ask. But I've got cheerleader practice, and just won't have the time."

You see? We could do that. We just need to line up excuses. Then, when Obama wants to do something, like give a speech or raise our taxes or push some gargantuan health care bill down out throat, we can offer up an excuse and he'll put it off till some later time. We keep that up until January, 2013, and the problem takes care of itself.

Now, we just need some excuses.

Any ideas?