Friday, September 9, 2011

Economic advice

What can we do for you, Mr. President?

Poll numbers are down, unemployment's up, and it looks like I'm going to have to go back to Chicago after next year.

You need to give a speech!

Speech! Give a speech!

Hey, that's a great idea! I haven't given a speech in -- gosh -- it seems like days.

Oh, and be sure to do it on the same night as the Republican debate. That way, everybody will be watching!

Another great idea. I'll set that up now.

Hey, John. It's the president. Of the United States. Yes, that's right.

John, what I'm calling about is I want to give a speech next Wednesday night.

But I'm the president! Me! Me! I'm president.

Okay, I'll do it Thursday.

He said I have to do it Thursday.

That's even better. There's football that night. Everybody will be watching you!

Football! Football! Touchdown! Football!

Slam dunk! Am I right? Don't leave me hanging here.

Okay, now you need to plan your speech. How about ... spending more money!

Spend! Spend! Spend!

Hey, yeah. That's a great idea! We'll spend our way out of debt!

Spend! Spend! Spend!

I've already written your speech. Take a look at it.

Hmm. 300-billion dollars. Mmmm. Spending. Mmmm. 400-billion dollars. Mmmm. 447-billion dollars.

Makes perfect sense to me!

Government taxes on businesses and individuals, along with mindless regulations, caused all this. The bank failures. The high unemployment. But this plan will make it all better.

Taxes! Taxes! Taxes!

By putting more taxes and regulations on things, it's exactly what the economy won't be expecting. So it's guaranteed to work!

I really like the way you think.

We appreciate that, Mr. President. It's hard to get anyone of any importance to listen to us. Most people apply math and logic to our suggestions, then walk away saying we're nuts. But not you! And we thank you!

It's been a pleasure working with you. And it's great to have my own Tea Party to counter that one the Republicans have.

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