Pee-drinking robots

While the Germans are building robot monkeys, the Brits are building pee-drinking robots.

Really.

Scientists in Bristol are developing robots that run on urine.

They've built a pee-pump that will, um, pump pee, or something. Apparently, regular pumps won't get near pee. Although I can think of many waste treatment facilities that don't know that yet.

Anyway, these British scientists have developed a pump for pumping urine that will be used to power EcoBots. And, it seems, EcoBots are robots that run on waste. Like pee.

These are the same people that developed a cell phone that runs on pee.

I'm seeing a pattern here. Somebody there has a urine fetish. And, they're trying to monetize it. Golden showers of money, so to speak.

What I'm seeing is trouble.

There are going to be robots that don't just run on, but crave, human urine. And, they'll have cell phones, so they can call up their robot friends and surround some poor slob and steal his pee.

You're thinking, "Hey, it's in the U.K. That don't impact me one bit."

But, with a cell phone, a robot can order a plane ticket and fly to the U.S. and hunt you down. They'll no trouble getting past security, because those jackasses are too busy patting down 90-year-old grandmas and putting two-year-olds on no-fly lists to worry about a pee-drinking robot wandering on to a plane.

So, be ever vigilant and watch out for the pee-craving robots.

Else, urine for a rough time.

Jedi monkey tricks

Duke University is teaching monkeys how to move stuff with their minds.

Really.

Back in 2000, they had monkeys using implants to move robot arms. Now, it's just the brain power of monkeys moving stuff.

The idea, they say, is to eventually have prosthetics being controlled by mind power. Which is pretty cool. But, I'm thinking that's just the beginning.

We're already to the point where monkey mind power could come up with a Website better than the Obamacare site.

Heck, a Jedi Mind Monkey could do a better job as president than the jackass currently in the Oval Office.

But, while replacing Obama with a Jedi Monkey might be an improvement, that only means a job for one of them. What about the rest of the Jedi Monkeys? What will they be doing?

I'm not sure I like the idea of a bunch of monkeys that can move things with their minds running around. Monkeys can get bored. Remember, monkeys will bite people. A monkey will eat your face. One even shot Frank J. one time.

We need to be careful. Just because you can teach a monkey to move stuff with its mind doesn't mean you should.

Well, one, maybe. To take Obama's place. It'd be worth the risk.

New job

Troy Trenkle is getting a new job.

"Who's Troy Trenkle?" you ask.

It's okay. Go ahead and ask. I'll wait.

. . .

Well, now, since you asked, Troy Trenkle is -- soon to be was -- the Chief Information Officer at the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services.

"What's that?" you ask.

(Don't worry; I only do the "go ahead and ask" joke once per post.)

He was the head of the group that put up the Healthcare.gov Website. He was the idiot in charge of all the other idiots.

The Obama administration made that announcement yesterday.

What's he gonna do? "To take a position in the private sector," according to the report.

I'll wait while you stop laughing.

. . .

Still laughing, I see. I'll wait a little longer.

. . .

Okay, stop laughing. Save it for later. It'll be funny for a while.

But, he really did say that.

The guy who failed big time in government wants to bring that level of expertise to ... the private sector.

What jobs are there for someone like that?

• New Coke taste tester.
• Edsel salesman.
• Script writer for My Mother The Car: The Movie.
• Drone pilot.
• Barrel man at a goat rodeo.

What do you think? What would be a good private sector job for Mr. Trenkle?

DC SF

Ever been to a museum in DC?

The Museum of Natural History. The Museum of American History. The Air and Space Museum. There's others, but I forget.

And they're pretty cool. At least the few I've been to. Dinosaur bones. Mercury spacecraft. Dorothy's ruby slippers. Bunch of other old stuff.

There's a group that wants to build a Science Fiction Museum in DC. They're looking to sponge off visitors to the other museums, such as the Air and Space Museum.

But, is DC the right place for a Science Fiction Museum?

Other museums (or museum-like things) have a tie-in to where they're located. The Pro Football Hall of Fame (that's kinda like a museum) is in Canton, Ohio because that's where the NFL was founded. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (it's a museum) is in Cleveland, Ohio, because, well, the only real competition it had for hosting it was Detroit, and not even burned-out rockers would go to Detroit. The Baseball Hall of Fame is in Cooperstown, New York, because somebody thought baseball was invented there by Abner Doubleday. It wasn't, and it wasn't him anyway. But at the time, they didn't know better.

And, of course, the other DC museums I mentioned are in DC because that's where the money James Smithson left the U.S. ended up. His bones ended up there, too, after Alexander Graham Bell went to Italy and got them. (Look it up.)

Anyway, museums should be where the thing they're museuming about has a connection.

The fiction part, that makes perfect sense in DC. After all, if you like your insurance, you can keep it, right? Not much more fiction than that. It's the science part that doesn't fit. Because science uses math. (Look it up.) And nobody in DC know a darn thing about math.

So, I don't think DC is a good location for a Science Fiction Museum. I think a better place would be The Moon. Or maybe L5. Or Vulcan. Or Tatooine.

What do you think? Is DC a good place for the Science Fiction Museum? Or what is the right place?

We all scream...

Glow in the dark ice cream?

Yes, glow in the dark ice cream.

According to CBS, some fellow invented an ice cream that glows in the dark. Charlie Francis runs Lick Me I'm Delicious, which is, apparently, ice cream related, and not what you were thinking it was (you're so naughty).

It used a jelly fish protein to make it glow. Just like those Glowing Killer Muslim Bunny Rabbits we warned you about in the summer.

So, did he synthesize the protein from jelly fish? If so, does this mean he's making Jelly Fish Ice Cream?

Or did he use the Glowing Killer Muslim Bunny Rabbits as his secret ingredient? Meaning he's making Bunny Rabbit Ice Cream?

Or, did the Turkish scientists steal his ice cream and feed it to their bunny rabbits?

This is going to end up in court.

Or on Twitter. Which is worse.

Does the new Dell laptop come in Baby Blue?

A month after the final episode of Breaking Bad, a computer manufacturer finally gets in on the phenomenon.

Dell has created a laptop that smells like a meth lab.

Really.

I suppose there is a market for that. But, to read the news story, it seems as if it wasn't intentional. And, maybe it wasn't. If any of the Breaking Bad series is to be believed, a lot of unintentional things happen when you get into the world of meth.

Bathtubs crashing through the floor. Heads on turtles. Dead in-laws. And, apparently, the stench will not only mess up a Winnebago, but it will also stink up your Dell Latitude 6430U.

Now, I'm not accusing a major computer manufacturer of dabbling in meth. Sure, they've had some financial worries of late. Now, they have a bunch of laptops they might have to recall.

They should have worked out a licensing deal with AMC and Vince Gilligan and have done a tie-in. But, they didn't think about it in time.

Just goes to show you that drugs will make you stupid.

Ho-care

It seems like everyone is impacted by Obamacare. Frank and Sarah lost the plan they had. My 2nd ex- lost her coverage. My rates have increased.

You hear these horror stories all the time.

But, something has to balance out, right? If one thing goes up, something else comes down. Which means that someone must be benefitting from Obamacare.

CNN found out who. Sex workers.


[CNN]

Seems that Hollywood types are the only thing whoring themselves out for Obamacare.

Even so, the plans would still be more expensive. But, for some reason, they qualify for subsidies, meaning it does cost them less.

Who pays for the subsidy? Taxpayers.

So, next time you see a sex worker, go ahead and ask for your piece of the pie. So to speak.