Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Trading Politicians

It won't be long.

Just a few hours now, Mortimer.

The wager is not to be settled until the inauguration, Randolph.

Mortimer, you've resisted paying up for 11 weeks. Admit it: we were able to have a completely unqualified person elected President of the United States.

The wager was for an unqualified person to actually become president. And, until the actual inauguration, he hasn't become president.

It's a done deal, Mortimer. I cannot believe you are being so petty and are continuing to refuse your obligation.

Randolph, I have always been a man who said exactly what he means, and means exactly what he says. The wager was for someone with no qualifications to become the president, and when he becomes the president -- if he becomes the president -- I will pay the assumed debt gladly.

Two and a half months of your stubborness have taken the fun out of all this, Mortimer.

Well, then, Randolph, let's make it interesting. What say we place another wager ... and make it double or nothing?

That's most irregular, Mortimer. But, I must admit: I am intrigued.

There is the Senate seat in New York that needs to be filled.

I beg your pardon, Mortimer, but Mrs. Clinton is still a Senator.

But we lined it up for her to be Secretary of State.

We actually planned on her being McCain's Secretary of State. It was to be another one of his gracious concessions to the left.

Yes, we were fortunate that Biden picked Vice-President. However, everything we lined up for Hillary worked out despite Obama's election.

Still, she isn't Secretary of State. Not yet. And still may not be. We can't let up now, Mortimer.

We've been successful in nearly every endeavor so far, Randolph. That one bit of unpleasantness with Winthorpe and Valentine, but overall, we have a very high success rate.

So, Mortimer, what is your wager?

That within one month ... by February 20th ... Caroline Kennedy will be a United States Senator.

What? You must be joking, Mortimer. There is no way that someone with no qualifications, with no political experience, would ever become a United States Senator!

Randolph, your memory is failing. We managed to have Hillary Clinton, who had no qualifications whatsoever, elected Senator.

We had to force Rudy Giuliani out of the race for it to happen.

We also had Barack Obama elected Senator.

He had served in the State Legislature, though. True, he had no accomplishments, other than some shady property deals. But we forced Jack Ryan out of the race, paving the way for Obama.

Don't forget that Obama, with no qualifications, won the presidency. So, what makes you think that qualifications mean anything?

I see your point. The bet's off.

1 comment:

  1. The inauguration was TODAY?!? I watched the replay of the Florida-Oklahoma National Championship football game on cable. That was MUCH MORE interesting.


Please choose a Profile in "Comment as" or sign your name to Anonymous comments. Comment policy