Thursday, January 22, 2009

I swear...

January 19, 2009, 2:37 PM EST

President George W. Bush shook the hand of the Chief Justice of the United States.

"Thanks, John. This will save our country," the President said.

"Thank you, Mr. President," the Chief Justice replied.

As John Roberts left the Oval Office, the President walked back over to his desk and sat down. He took a deep breath, and a smile crept slowly across his face.

Adjusting his coat, the President picked up the phone and placed a call.

"Dick? George. John's on board," the President told the Vice-President. "You'll let the others know? Good. Thanks."

He hung up the phone.

January 20, 2009, 12:04 PM EST

John Roberts looked over his notes one last time. He glanced at his watch. The whole process was running late. That was the first change. George W. Bush was a stickler for things being on time.

The applause died down, and Roberts put his notes aside. Standing up, he walked to the podium and faced the tall man standing a few feet away.

"Are you prepared to take the oath, Senator?" the Chief Justice asked.

"I am," said the junior Senator from Illinois.

The Chief Justice began, "'I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear ...'"

After getting the words wrong, flustering the incoming president, Roberts looked over at the outgoing Chief Executive and gave him a slight smile and nod.

George W. Bush returned the smile and nod, thinking quietly to himself, "One down, fourteen-hundred sixty to go."

January 21, 2009, 7:34 AM EST

The Chief Justice stood up in the Map Room of the White House and slipped on his robe. He listened as the tall man he had sworn in the day before. He was ready to do his job again, and as planned.

Looking around, he noticed that no Bible was present. This would be easy.

The Constitution allows for that:

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States."

No Bible, yet he'd used the phrase "swear" again, rather than "affirm," as would be appropriate.

"Are you ready to take the oath?" Roberts asked the new president.

"I am, and we're going to do it very slowly," Obama replied.

The Chief Justice began, "'I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear ...'"

January 22, 2009, 6:18 AM CST

George W. Bush, private citizen, placed a call.

"Dad? George," the former President said. "Yes, sir, it's going perfect. John did his part Tuesday, and sure enough, Obama was flustered."

He listened for a moment, then told his father, "Yeah, John did it again yesterday. Didn't use a Bible. Looks like they borrowed one Tuesday, not for historical effect, but because they don't own one," laughing into the receiver.

"Yes, sir. They've realized that they're 0-for-2 on the swearing in. John's going to be away from the office, so it'll be tonight before they try a third time. John will do his part. He'll make sure he gets it wrong every day. We have 1,461 scenarios laid out, one for each day. John's got them memorized; he has a photographic memory."

He paused. "Oh, certainly. Obama will be so busy, spending every day for the next four years being sworn in, he won't have time to do any harm. Hmm? Yes, sir. The plan's perfect."

The conversation turned. "How's Jeb?"

January 22, 2009, 5:41 PM EST

John Roberts walked back into the Map Room, putting the final touches on his robe.

"Let's get this done. Did you bring a Bible?" Obama asked the Chief Justice.

Roberts handed over a thin book.

"Hmmm," Obama said, handing it to his wife. "I thought it would be bigger."

Roberts prepared to give the oath again. "Oh, that? I borrowed it from Mitt Romney."


  1. I do not believe Roberts intentionally mislead Obama. Obama jumped ahead and threw the whole thing off. Note that on the 1st try, Roberts added, "So help you God." Too bad about the bible the 2nd time around.

  2. Of course Roberts did it on purpose. We just showed the transcript of the events leading up to it. All based on sworn testimony.

  3. I love this!! Someone had suggested that Chief Justice Roberts may have done it to get back at Obama for not voting for him. I think it was just a mistake. But, even when he repeated it, Obama could not get it right.

    Do you think he needs to take the oath again with a Bible to try and get it right? :)

  4. Where would Obama find a Bible? Certainly not on the nightstand next to his bed.

  5. You drew me in. Nice job. So how many days do we have left?

  6. Well, it is for sure the Bible used by Abraham Lincoln would not be brought out again. Someone asked if there was not at least one Bible in the White House they could have picked up. I say it wasn't done correctly . I want it done AGAIN! I think we need to start a petition now!! :)

  7. That's hilarious! You know what's even funnier--some moobat out there probably believes that something like this really happened.

    My reaction when I saw the first botched swearing-in was embarrassment for Roberts. He's a guy who tries to do everything precisely and correctly, and I'm sure he wasn't happy with himself.

  8. John Roberts should be kicked off the court. It's a shame that this fool couldn't get it right on that day. He purposely, messed up the swearing in of President Obama . He should be tarred and feathered.....

  9. He fooled Obama, didn't he? Bwa-ha-ha-ha!


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