Thursday, February 5, 2009

What happens in the Wells Fargo boardroom...

Any other business?

Mr. Chairman, I have one final item.

The chair recognizes Howard Atkins.

Dick, it's no secret that we're hurting...

You can say that again.

Damn, Bob, you're someone to talk.

As I was saying, we're hurting. A year ago, our stock was over $33 a share. And, less than 5 months ago, we were nearly $40 a share. We're barely 1/3 of that today.

Well, you're Chief Financial Officer, Howard. What are you suggesting?

It's risky, but...

How much more risky can things get?

We've got to find a safer investment for our shareholders. We can't afford to keep losing value.

Howard, it's not just suffering from lower stock prices...

That's why I'm suggesting we pull all investment from the Market.

How do you propose we invest the money? Treasury?

Oh, heavens no.

What then?

As you can see by the charts on the PowerPoint ... page 12 ... we've compared the average return on investment for the last 4 months for major stock portfolios, for treasury, for...

We got it. But I can't make out label on that last one. The one that shows the best return?



Las Vegas casinos.

Las Vegas casinos?

Yes, at the rate we're losing value, if we took all our funds, headed down to Vegas, and played the tables, our performance over the next 5 months would be better than the past 5 months.





All in favor, by show of hands. The proposal passes.

When do we head out?

How long would it take us to get the cash?

You know, it's a good thing that we already took the bailout money before the President put that half-a-mil cap on salaries. We're exempt.

Does that mean you're going to bet any of your money while we're there?

Don't be silly.

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