Wednesday, June 6, 2012

MST3K: Episode 605 - Colossus and the Headhunters

I'm watching all of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes in order. More about that here and here.

Episode 605: Colossus and the Headhunters

First aired: Comedy Central on 20 August 1994
Availability: Fan Copy

It's pronounced "My Cheesesteak" or something like that.
We've hit a spot where the episode numbers don't match the air date order. You'd expect Episode 604 to come after Episode 603. But it doesn't.

No, we jump to Episode 605. And, it gets worse. Episode 609 comes next. Go figure.

Why was Episode 604 skipped? Satellite News says that it was being shown on college campuses during the last half of 1994, and was held off TV during the college tour.

I wouldn't have minded waiting on this one. I did not like this episode.

To be fair, they did a good job of riffing the movie. Probably as good as in Episode 603: The Dead Talk Back. Although I didn't like that movie, I liked the episode. Here, though, I didn't like the movie or the episode. The film is Colossus and the Headhunters and it's an Italian sword and sandals flick. Only, it's not Colossus.

Let me explain.

The queen dresses as an Easter egg.
Remember Episode 410: Hercules Against the Moon Men? I thought I had mentioned it at the time, but I didn't, as it turns out, that the Hercules character in that film wasn't really Hercules. The plot doesn't fit the Hercules myth. The character was really Maciste, but was called Hercules for the American release, because we don't know who Maciste is. In Italy, he's a long-running film hero, dating back over 100 years.

In this film, they called Maciste by the name Colossus, but only in the title of the film. All the characters in the film called Maciste by the name Maciste. Of course, Mike & the Bots heard it as "My Cheesesteak," which is as good a name as any.

Everybody dance!
Maciste arrives at an island just in time for it to blow up and sink, so he rescues a bunch of people and sails over the sea to another island, only those people aren't happy to see visitors, so they get all captured and such, and the queen shoots Maciste with an arrow, but then discovers who he is, and, being a fan of Italian cinema, starts treating their hostages as guests, but they leave when they find out that a bunch of head hunters are going to attack, which they do, so Maciste goes to rescue the queen, then finds out her father is imprisoned and blind, betrayed by the leader of the head hunters, who wants to marry the queen, but Maciste and crew save the day, rescue the queen, defeat the bad guys, then he floats off on his raft, but the queen swims after him, climbs aboard the raft, they kiss, and they float off to live happily ever after. The end.

I didn't enjoy this one. I couldn't put my finger on what I didn't like about Episode 410: Hercules Against the Moon Men, and this episode is pretty much the same.

M&tB do a good job riffing the film. The Hot Japanese She-Villains aren't Japanese or Villains, but they are pleasing to behold, as is the case in many of the Italian films.
Mike likes Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter.Frank misses Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter.
Maybe it's the Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter bits that I didn't like.

No, that's not it. Oh, be sure, I am one of the minority that didn't care for that, but that's not it. I just didn't enjoy the film.

Maciste likes what he sees.
I don't care much for the sword and sandal films. Some of the bad Italian movies from the 1960s are kind of watchable. Mostly because of the hot chicks, but sometimes the story is good, too.

This one has some hot chicks, but I just didn't care for the story.

My copy is a fan copy, since this one has never been released on video. The quality is good, but not nearly as good as most of the ones I obtained from I don't blame Skyroniter at all. I've yet to run across better copies of unreleased episodes. It's just that the best of the copies of this episode are a little dark, and have some tape and broadcast artifacts. I'd love to have a better quality copy, but simply to have a better copy. Not to watch it. I didn't care for this one, and likely won't watch it again for a while.

Not a horribly bad episode, just not a good one.

Then, again, maybe I should watch it again. I might like it after a few more viewings. If my brain can stand it.

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