Monday, November 3, 2008
The Bucket Saga
lolworld "where's mah bukkit?" asks teh walrus. other walrus sez "oh noes!!1! ur bukkit iz gones" "i will finds it" walrus sez and he goes seekingz teh bukkit "oh hai! haz u seen mah bukkit?" walrus sez to kitteh "i did not looks at ur bukkit" sez kitteh walrus sez "helps me find mah bucket" "i can has cheezburger?" askz kitteh "halps me find mah bucket" sez walrus "kthx" kitteh sez 2 walrus but teh bukkit waz not founds teh walrus did his searches more at worldz ending, he have decided 2 goes in teh following world In Frank's World Barack Obama saw the walrus loping along, looking sad. "A potential voter!" Obama cried. "Stop the car." The Cadillac Eldorado screeched to a halt. Obama hit the switch, the tinted window eased down, and a cloud of smoke emerged into the daylight. The walrus looked at the car, and at the strange creatures inside. They looked vaguely like the man who he last saw with his bucket, but then again, somehow different. "have u seen mah bukkit" the walrus asked. "Oh, I know what he wants," Crack Dealer Steve said. "You always think that," Bill Ayers said. "This guy, I can tell by the look on his face. He wants to blow up America. He's mine." Jeremiah Wright sat silently for a few seconds. Then, "Go help the brother out, Barack." "Yes, sir," Obama replied. He pulled the handle, and the door to the Eldorado swung open. "has u seen mah bukkit" the walrus asked as the tall man approached. "You have a bucket?" Obama asked. "mah buckkit has gone" said the walrus. "A bucket?" Obama repeated, his eyes glowing with anticipation. He turned around and headed toward the trunk of the car. As Obama headed to the trunk, the door to the Eldorado opened, and four ACORN workers emerged, running up to the walrus. "I got him! I got him!" yelled the first one. "He's mine! He's mine!" the second one cried. The third one pushed the first two to the ground, only to feel number four grab a handful of his hair and jerk him to the ground. "I speak Walrus," number four said. "Goo goo ga joob." The other three ACORN workers recovered and descended on the walrus. Overwhelmed, the walrus was unable to escape until he had registered to vote in 87 times in six states. He put the food stamps and cigarettes the ACORN workers gave him under his arm and slowly wandered away. Meanwhile, Obama had popped the trunk and grabbed the bucket on top of the stash he kept on hand. He placed it on his head, then struggled to remove it. "Not again," the Secret Service agent said. He spoke into his wrist, "Seau Tête is at it again," referring to Obama by his new code name. * * * * The walrus looked at his bounty and grew sad. "i miss mah bukkit" he cried. He approached the border to the next world. He paused, wondering if the next world would be any better. Taking a chance, he stepped into the next world. Bizarro World "has u seen mah bucket" the walrus asked. "Yes, I have," Barack Obama answered. "Your bucket had too many fish in it, and it was unfair to the other walruses and seals that didn't have as many fish." "u has mah bukkit?" the walrus asked. "Thinking of it as your bucket is selfish," Obama told the walrus. A small cat approached. "i can has cheezburger?" the kitty asked. "You can have a fish," Obama told the kitty. He reached for the bucket that formerly belonged to the walrus, extracted a fish, and gave it to the kitty. The kitty looked at the fish. It had obviously been in the bucket for some time. It smelled of decay. It looked like nightmare. The kitty slowly backed away. Looking up at Obama, the kitty asked again, "I can has cheezburger?" "I know you have hope. Hope for a cheeseburger," Obama said. "And we're agents of hope. But we're also agents of change. And your hope for a cheeseburger has been changed to a rotted, half-eaten fish. That's the change we need. It's the change you need." The kitty and the walrus looked at each other. "i goes home" said the kitty. "i goes to home 2" said the walrus. And though they walked toward the border of Bizarro World and Frank's World, they were horrified to discover that Bizarro World continued. Where was Frank's World? Their journey towards home continued. But when they reached where the border with LOLWorld was, they found that Bizarro World continued. There was no cheeseburger. In LOLWorld, the kitty wanted a cheeseburger. He didn't get a cheesburger, but there was the hope of a cheeseburger. There was no bucket. In LOLWorld, the walrus wanted his bucket returned. He wasn't able to find his bucket, but there was hope of getting his bucket. But all that was gone now. There was only Obama.