Following another stellar week of picking who's gonna lose in college football, I stand at a perfect 100% with my picks. If only the teams I picked were as good in carrying out my picks.
Some of you don't care for college football or these picks. I'm thinking it might be because Herman Cain didn't sexually harass you. I'll put in a call and see what I can do to fix that. At a minimum, I'll see if I can get Mark Block to blow smoke in your face.
For the rest of you, we're ready to go. Here are some of the big games this weekend: games between two ranked teams, games where they're the national broadcast, and games involving my home state, Frank's adopted state, and Harvey's state -- at least the major schools in those three states.
Let's do this thing.
Florida State vs Boston College
The West Florida Seminary Football Team takes a trip Boston to take a poke at an Eagles Nest, and might just be in for a fight. The Golden Eagles play the Semi-holes tough, going 3-3 against them since joining the ACC. There's nothing Frank Spaziani would like better than to burn down the visitor's teepees.
E. J. Manuel has been playing at nearly 100% since coming back from that injury in September, and that should be more than enough.
Who's gonna lose? Boston College.
Southern California vs Colorado
It took a hard-fought four quarters and three overtimes before the Prophylactics managed to fumble away last week's game with ESPN's Great Non-SEC Hope.
After that game, Southern California needs a week off. They get it this week, because The Fates decided to schedule them a game against the lowly Colorado Buffoons. Tyler Hansen has thrown for over 2,000 yards this season, but since Colorado doesn't have any kind of running game, they haven't been able to produce enough points to get many wins. Look for more of the same.
Who's gonna lose? Colorado.
Army vs Air Force
The Black Knights from the Army charge into Colorado Springs looking to ground the Falcons. It's been a rough year on the gridiron for the Soldiers, but winning this game would be necessary to win the Commander-In-Chief's Trophy. But, considering who the Commander-In-Chief is, it's not that big a deal.
Army has the most productive rushing attack in all of major college football, averaging 369 yards a game. Through the air, though, Rich Ellerson's team isn't very productive. Air Force is nearly as effective on the ground, at nearly 327 yards a game. But the Air Force air game leaves a lot to be desired, though it is slightly better than the Black Knights'.
After playing Top Five Boise State tough for nearly four full quarters a fortnight ago, blowing away New Mexico last week, and, most important, cutting down on the turnovers, Air Force may have finally found their rhythm. And that's bad news for Army.
Who's gonna lose? Army.
South Carolina (9) vs Arkansas (7)
If I told you there was an SEC game this week between two ranked teams with the winner in good shape for the conference title game if they win out, I bet you wouldn't have thought I was talking about this game. If USC wins, they're one step closer to a December game in Atlanta. If Arkansas wins, depending on how the LSU-Alabama game turns out, the Razorbacks could tie for the SEC West if they win out.
First things first. Steve Spurrier is bring a bunch of limp Cocks into Fayetteville, and will miss their big stud, Marcus Lattimore. Jaybo Shaw's little brother Connor has to shoulder the responsibility for the offense, but he'll have plenty of help from the South Carolina defense.
If the same Arkansas team that lost big to Alabama, and nearly lost to Texas A&M, Ole Miss, and Vanderbilt shows up, it'll be the Cocks with the happy ending.
Who's gonna lose? Arkansas.
LSU (1) vs Alabama (2)
The biggest battle since Yorktown takes place in Tuscaloosa, if you believe the hype. In reality, it's simply this year's Biggest Game Ever. There will be another one next year.
The best two teams in the land, excepting maybe the Green Bay Packers, battle for a number one ranking and the inside track to both the SEC title game as well as the BCS title game.
This game could live up to the hype. Heaven help us if it does. Heaven help us if it doesn't.
The Elephants and the Bayou Bengals are fairly evenly matched, and whoever you pick, you have plenty of justification or it. Me? I'm just going with my gut.
Who's gonna lose? Alabama.
Kansas State (14) vs Oklahoma State (3)
The Wildcats fell from the ranks of the unbeatens last week when they got their claws tangled up in a Sooner Schooner. They decided to recover by taking a trip to Stillwater this week. They need to fire their travel agent, because he obviously didn't get word that a band of Cowboys will be waiting on them with pistols drawn.
Grampa Weeden will lead his Mounted Posse, attacking on the ground and in the air, in an attempt to explain why his team is ranked number three in the nation. And, when the smoke clears and the dust settles, there will be lots of folks convinced he made his case. Look for Oklahoma State to be in the BCS title game. And look for Brandon Weeden to be the oldest player to attend the Heisman ceremony, come December.
Who's gonna lose? Kansas State.
New Mexico State vs Georgia (18)
Mark Richt's Pound Puppies managed to get past Florida last week, but three of his running backs didn't get past the DEA. It seems the scoreboard hasn't been the only thing getting lit up in Athens.
With three suspensions and a foot surgery, the Bulldogs will be looking for somebody -- anybody -- to carry the ball for them this week. Fortunately, it took from the Wednesday before the Florida game, when the Mary Jane Girls were first found out, to Tuesday of this week for the suspensions to begin.
In an unrelated story, Georgia is playing WAC opponent New Mexico State, about which, the less said, the better.
Who's gonna lose? New Mexico State.
Purdue vs Wisconsin (20)
After two losses in the last 20 seconds, Wisconsin has every right to order a Beer and a Bump this week. The Purdue football team weren't the Boilermakers they had in mind.
The Badgers are desperately seeking a way to avoid a third straight late loss, and this would seem to fit the bill. However, this season, Purdue has followed up each loss with a win -- and they're coming off a loss to another set of Rodents.
The Badgers are the better team, but you never know how the ball will bounce.
Who's gonna lose? Purdue.
Boise State (5) vs UNLV
Each week, the Giant Smurfs from the 57th State, go out and beat the snot out of some poor, hapless opponent. And the polls reward them with another drop in the rankings. At this rate, Boise State could end the season unbeaten, untied, and unranked.
But, it's not their fault their schedule is weak. Oh, wait. Actually, it is. But the Broncos are finally doing something about it. If the Big East put together enough teams, Boise State will join up and finally get recognition as a member of a BCS conference.
Of course, the Big East would have to remain a BCS conference. At the rate they're going, they may be on par with the Sun Belt Conference before realignment is finished.
This week's victim? The Rebels from the University of Nevada at Las Vegas. That won't help Boise State when the rankings come out, but, as is always the case in Las Vegas, you play with the hand you're dealt.
The best Boise State can hope for is to blow away the Rebels, and hope for an upset or two ahead of them. That's what it will take for them to get a chance to play in the BCS championship game. But what are the odds of that? About the same odds as UNLV winning this game.
Who's gonna lose? UNLV.
There's a good chance I didn't pick your team. Tell me how they're going to do. Nobody else might care, but you do. And I do, too. Really.
Why? Because it's college football. Where I come from, college football isn't a matter of life or death. It's so much more important than that.