Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Situation Room

We now join "The Situation Room," already in progress.

This thing get XBox?

Let the adults talk. We'll get to you in a minute.

Why don't I get to sit at the table? You always make me sit over here in the corner.

Shouldn't you be out playing golf?

I was. But I heard somebody say I was going to be on the big TV screen. But he pronounced my name wrong. Again. I think he did it on purpose. Make him stop.

Judas Priest! I could have been appearing on stage with Jeff Dunham. Instead I'm stuck here with you clowns.

Let's see... W-W-W-dot-white-house-dot-com... Heh. Heh heh. Heh heh heh. I'm gonna see boobies. Heh heh heh. Hey! There's no boobies here! Your husband lied to me!

What are you talking about?

Nothing. Never mind.

Damn fly-boy.

Sir, I'm Director for Counterterrorism. We're making a raid on our most-wanted terrorist. Why am I stuck in the back?

Missy, we already got one chick sittin' at the big table. Now go get me some coffee. And be quick about it.

I want one of those cool silver computers with the lit-up apple on it. Trump gets one of those! Why can't I get one of those?

If you sit quietly and behave, we'll see about getting you one for Christmas.

Christmas? What's Christmas? Is that where we hang lanterns? I don't want to wait that long. I want a silver Apple now!

He's right. I can't find Angry Birds on this one.

Damn fly-boy.

When do we get to see the terror guy?

They'll get to him in just a little bit.

Are you sure this is live TV? It's all dark and stuff. I was just outside and I saw the sun. I don't think this is live TV. Is this TiVo or something?

It's later over there. Remember what I told you about the sun and the earth? That's why it's already dark over there. But they'll get to him in just a little bit.

Don't shoot him in the head and drop the body in a park. You'll never hear the end of it.

Well, then shoot him in the head and drop him in the ocean. Fish gotta eat, too. Speaking of which, when's the pizza getting here? I've been here all day and haven't eaten. I tell ya, war is hell.


  1. Funny throughout, but "Don't shoot him in the head and drop the body in a park. You'll never hear the end of it" is like the cherry on top that made it excellent!

  2. The terrifying part is that Joe FREAKING Biden is the smartest person in the room.


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