Friday, May 27, 2011

Replacing Ed Schultz

Thank you for coming in. Have a seat.

Danke, mein Herr!

Just sit down. Now, what was it you wanted to see me about, Hans?

Herr Griffin. I heard about the trouble that Eddie is in. I know he's currently only on suspension ... but everybody knows that an opening could occur.


Ah. I, um, just want you to keep me in mind if the opportunity arises.

Hans, while I appreciate your initiative, I really must say that ... well, I don't see anything in your resume that indicates any broadcast experience.

"Broadcast" ... "experience?"

Yes, here at MSNBC, we prefer to have experienced professionals on the air.


Okay, you got me! We'll put anybody on the air. But -- and understand that there is not currently an opening for Ed Shultz' position -- if we were to put another personality on the air, we want to make sure that person is a good fit.

Oh! I would be a perfect fit, Herr Griffin.

Well... let's see. What do you know about the economy.

I know nothing!

Mmm hmm. What about the legal system in this country?

Nothing! I know nothing!

Hmph. American history?

Absolutely nothing.

The legal system? Education?

Nothing! About everything I know nothing!

Where did work before? Your colleagues?

Ah. Well. I ran a toy factory before the war...

What about recently?

Well, it has been some time. But my last job was working with a bunch Nazis.

Hmmm. Actually, Hans, you do have an impressive resume. You would fit right in around here. If an opening comes up, I'll keep you in mind.

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