Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Sometimes, you find yourself looking for things you never expect. Like recently, before Christmas, the Wife and I were doing some shopping. In Wal-Mart, of course. Because the Wife likes Wal-Mart. I don't, but she does. She'd take a vacation at a Wal-Mart if she could. Anyway, while finishing up shopping, or trying to at least, she said, "Hey, let's go get some underwear for Mama." She's talking about, of course, her mother. My mother-in-law. Talking about me going to pick out underwear for my mother-in-law. Maybe it's just me, but I'm not picking out underwear for any woman. Except for my Wife. I'd pick out underwear for my daughter ... when she wore Pampers. Or Underoos. But not since then. But, there I am, and the Wife just told me "Let's go get some underwear for Mama." So, we start down the aisle, heading toward that section of the store. At the place where we turn right, we turn right. She says something, and I'm talking, responding. Not saying much, really, just talking. Because when I'm talking, I'm not thinking about my mother-in-law's underwear. Walking and talking. Talking and walking. Through the ladies' underwear section. When suddenly I realize I've passed the underwear section. So I stop, saying, "I think we've gone too far," and turn around. She's not there. No sign of her. I do get an odd look from the ladies who were behind me and who kept walking past me. The two ladies I had apparently been talking to since the Wife veered off somewhere, looking for underwear for her mother. I quietly walk back down the ladies' underwear aisle, looking for the Wife. She's not to be found. So, I break out the trusty cell phone and call her. "Where you at?" I ask, even though we don't have Boost Mobile. "Where are you?" she responds. "I walked all the way down the aisle, and am backtracking now, looking for you." "I'm over here, looking at underwear for Mama." "Well, yeah, I figured that," I said. "But where are you?" "Come on down about half-way past the center, then turn to the left," she tells me. Um, okay, I'm thinking. "How far down?" "Where are you?" she asks again. "I'm going down the underwear aisle, looking for you." "Come off the aisle, and you'll see me," she says. I hear her voice from ... somewhere. Somewhere other than from the phone, I mean. "Keep coming and you'll see me." I continue walking. "Right behind you," she says. I turn around. And there are thongs staring me in the face. No. No, no, no. Not thongs. I don't want to be shopping for underwear for my mother-in-law. And I sure don't want to be looking for underwear for her in the thong section. This has got to be a nightmare. Really, it does. But, it's not. And, it turns out it wasn't as bad as I thought. "I'm down here," the Wife says. I look down. And there she is. Sitting on the floor. Sifting through long johns. "I think Mama'd like these," she says. I still don't know if she got anything or not. I'm assuming she did. I was just so relieved that I wasn't participating in a thong purchase for my mother-in-law that I'd've agreed to anything. And, for all I know, I may have. I'm actually sort of glad I was sick and wasn't able to participate in the gift exchange at her mother's house. A silver lining, after all.