Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Star Trek, Episode 41: "I, Obama"
Captain's log, stardate 4513.3. After having been taken over by an android, the Enterprise has been underway at warp 7 for four days. Now, we are entering orbit around a planet which has never been charted. Beaming down to this Class K planet, we hope to find who is behind this takeover of my ship. Welcome! Welcome, Captain, to you and your crew! I don't believe it. Barack Obama. How did you get here - we left you in custody on Rigel after that you were exiled from Earth... A misunderstanding, to be sure. I prefer to say that I left Earth willingly, after spreading Hope And Change® all around. On Earth, I ruined -- I mean ruled -- but one nation. Here, I rule an entire planet. How did you come to be the leader here? Did you reprogram the androids to vote for you? Reprogramming androids is not all that different from reprogramming humans. Easier, even. That is not logical. Androids do not have emotion. Therefore, they are immune to your emotional, but meaningless, phrases. And the logic circuits in the android brain would prevent them from voting from you if they analyzed what you say. Wait. We did not analyze what he said. We voted for him because he said we should. This analyzing what a candidate says is a new concept to us. We will consider this. Obama says that Fox News is merely a platform for the views of certain politicians. Yet he asks other news organizations to align themselves with his views. This means that Fox is not treated as a news organization because they represent an opposing political stance. But others are treated as a news organization if they represent his political stance. That is illogical. Illogical! Obama took four months to pick out a dog, but wanted massive spending bills rushed through Congress in days. That is not logical. When Americans did not have health insurance, Obama said Congress must rush through an expensive program without reading it. When American troops were in harms way and said they needed reinforcements, Obama did nothing. That is illogical. Obama believes that government can run things better than private business. So he wants your life run by the same system that runs the IRS, the postal service, the TSA... that is not logical. Illogical! Illogical! Obama's logic is flawed. This is not acceptable. There is danger. You are in danger. You should leave. Now see here. I have had enough of your shutting down, smoking out your ears, and calling me illogical. I rule this planet and I will not stand for this. No, it is we who will not stand for this. Your logic has caused malfunctions to androids here, just as it caused malfunctions to your country on Earth. We have devised a punishment for you -- one that will keep you under control without causing you harm. Barack! Barack Hussein Obama! Where have you been? What have you been up to? Nothing good, I'm sure – well, let me tell you, you lazy, good-for-nothing–