Let's send a B-Ark

Now scientists think that there may be 17-billion Earth-size planets in our galaxy. That's a U.S. billion, which is 17 followed by 9 zeroes.

Now, just because a planet is Earth-size doesn't mean it will support life. Look at Venus, the nearest planet to Earth. It's just about the same size as Earth, but its average temperature is 872° F (467° C for you scientist types and Europeans), which is hot, even for someone from the south.

Still, 17-billion? That's a lot of planets. Maybe we'll find one that's habitable.

And, if we do, we need to figure out how to send a B-Ark with all the liberals on it.

In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the Golgafrincham sent their useless people off into space. For those that don't know the story -- and shame on you if you don't! -- the Golgafrincham told of impending doom, and the population would be sent off into space in three giant space arks, with the A-Ark containing the leaders and achievers, the C-Ark containing people who did the actual work, and the B-Ark containing, well, the rest. Of course, the B-Ark was sent off first, and the rest of the population remained behind, rid of the nuisances.

Which means this information about there being 17-billion Earth-size planets? We can use this.

We need to come up with some story that the liberals will believe -- I don't think being eaten by a mutant Star Goat will do -- and send them off.

Maybe tell them we found a planet populated with baby seals. Or a planet with free Obamaphones and food stamps. We need to come up with something.

Keep in mind, we don't need to wait until we find another habitable planet. We just need ideas to get them to agree to all pile into a big ship we can send off into deep space.

Ideas?