Monday, October 21, 2013

When spiders attack

I'm going to say it right up front: I don't like spiders. They got too many eyes, too many legs, and I don't trust them.

Spiders will attack you in all kinds of ways. They'll crawl up in your ears at night when you try to sleep. They'll hide in your shoes. And, I can't prove this, but I think they'll mess with your toothbrush when you're not home.

You just can't trust a spider.

And guess what they're doing now? They're setting off the airbags in your Toyota. Really:
Sometimes, their webs can create a blockage in a drainage tube coming from the air conditioning condenser. That can cause water to drip down onto an airbag control module, causing a short circuit. That, in turn, could cause the airbag warning light to light up on the dashboard and it could even cause the driver's side airbag to deploy, something that happens with explosive force.
That's right. Not only can you be driving down the road and a spider crawl out and jump on you, but the spider could cause your airbag to pop you in the face at 55 MPH. There's no good outcome that.

Spiders are bad, and are now using technology against us. They need to check and see if the problems with the Obamacare Website are that there are spiders in it.

They also need to check the heads of the people that came up with Obamacare. I bet they've got spiders in there, too.

It would explain a lot.


  1. "They’ll crawl up in your ears at night when you try to sleep."

    What spiders really like is crawling into your bed and waiting for you to join them with your body heat. Then, like a good Democrat, they snack on you during the night. It's the equivalent of Federal housing and food stamps all in one.

  2. So where should we put this airbag control module thing?

    I don't know, somewhere underneath the car where it won't be in the way. It's not real important like the carburetor and all that stuff.

    But what if it gets wet? It's got wires, I don't think wire things are supposed to get wet.

    How's it going to get wet? It's got the whole car on top of it to protect it from getting wet, the water falls from the sky, duh.

    Oh yeah.

    Yeah, it's some spider's fault....

  3. I tolerate spiders in my home so long as they are daddy-long-legs or funnel spiders (way cool) or fuzzy widdle wolf spiders. If they have bulbous bodies and resemble black or brown widows in any way, instant death sentence. Despite my tolerance of spiders, I do think this is just about the funniest thing I have ever seen on the subject:

  4. I'm also pretty fond of this:

    This happens pretty much every day in the Spring. Spiders LOVE my porch. (Probably because I tend to leave the porch light on all night (I heart my carbon footprint!), attracting flying prey into the webbery.)

  5. […] up with animals acting all crazy and stuff? We had spiders sabotaging Toyotas. Now, we got oarfish invading California. There was one found last week on Catalina Island. Now, […]


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