Thursday, December 19, 2013

Name that school

There's a school in Jacksonville that is going to get a new name.

Nathan B. Forrest High School (Go Rebels!) won't be Nathan B. Forrest High School much longer. The reason? Somebody didn't like who Nathan B. Forrest was.

So, who was Nathan B. Forrest? Other than Forrest Gump's ancestor? Well, he was a slave trader before the War Between the States, a Confederate general in the War, and a member of the first incarnation of the Ku Klux Klan after the war.

You may wonder how Nathan B. Forrest High School came by that name, particularly when over half the students are black. Well, neither they nor their parents were consulted in the naming, that's for sure. Most of the students at Nathan B. Forrest High School come from either J.E.B. Stuart Middle School (Home of the Raiders) or Jefferson Davis Middle School (Home of the Chargers). So, I assume you're seeing a pattern here.

Anyway, Nathan B. Forrest High School won't be Nathan B. Forrest High School much longer. The Duval County School Board voted to change the name. But they don't know what to. As soon as they come up with a name, they'll spend around $400,000 to change signs, stationery, uniforms, and such.

And here's where we can help.

Let's come up with a name for Nathan B. Forrest High School. Other than Nathan B. Forrest High School. Leave them in the comments. Whatever you do, don't call the school board directly. Leave the suggestions here, so the school board can get some really great ideas.

I'll start.
  • Generic High School
  • John Doe High School
  • He Who Shall Not Be Named High School
  • Cthulhu High School
  • James T. Kirk High School
  • John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt High School
  • Frank J. Fleming High School
  • Inigo Montoya High School
  • Heywood Jablome High School
  • Pussy Galore High School
  • Plenty O'Toole High School
  • Bond, James Bond High School
  • Jack Goff High School
  • Buster Cherry High School
  • Mike Hunt High School
  • Sofonda Peters High School
  • Oliver Klozoff High School
  • Jacques Strap High School
  • Seymour Butz High School
  • Hugh Jass High School
  • Amanda Hugginkiss High School
  • Blast HardCheese High School
  • Dirk HardPec High School
  • Smoke ManMuscle High School
  • Bob Johnson High School
Not sure if those will work. What ideas have you on the matter?


  1. Basil Rathbone High School

  2. Sunnydale High

  3. Potemkin Secondary

  4. LEEEEROY JENKINS!!1! High School

  5. William Wallace High School.

    Keep the Scare Up High School.

    Andrew Jackson High School.

    Do Not Hit the Bridge High School.

  6. much as I like moon nuker LEEEEROY Jenkins and Cthulhu as high school names, I think it should be then MLK Jr or Nelson Mandela high...

  7. Jimmy Carter High School, Home of The Hostages

  8. Well, he was a slave trader before the War Between the States, a Confederate general in the War, and a member of the first incarnation of the Ku Klux Klan after the war.

    So, in other words, he was a Democrat, so what's the problem? Don't they always stick up for each other no matter what?

    Barry Soetoro High School (BS High)

    Nelson Mandela School For The Deaf

  9. I am somewhat disturbed that of suggested names, only three are female. In the interest of equality, I wish to submit the name of that great Floridian, Katherine Harris.

  10. @ #8 "Home of the Hostages" - Bacon to Jimmy ~~~~~~!!!

  11. @10 - I agree. How about we name it after the first woman on the moon?


    How about the woman who invented... um...

    Major League...



    Forget it.

    Wait... Marie Curie, who discovered radium!

    Uh... with the help of her husband...

  12. Brick and Mortar High

    High School High

    Let's Get High

    Rock n' Roll High

    Politically Correct High

  13. So, who was Nathan B. Forrest? … Well, he was a slave trader before the War Between the States, a Confederate general in the War, and a member of the first incarnation of the Ku Klux Klan after the war.

    Dude, that doesn't even begin to cover it! He led the attack on Fort Pillow, which is now considered a war atrocity. Of the 600 Union soldiers there, half were black…and when they surrendered, Forrest's troops tortured the black soldiers to death. He had them set them on fire, drowned them and crucified them.

    After that, he was indeed one of the leaders of the KKK (an organization founded by the Democrats because freed southern blacks were voting 100% Republican).

    And after THAT…he was an honored delegate to the Democratic Presidential Convention.

    So…a school being named after that guy is like, like, naming a school after John Wilkes Booth! Good on the council for renaming it…and what the heck took so long?

    My suggestions (and bear in mind, schools should be named for the dead):
    Andre the Giant High School
    Ronald W. Reagan High School
    Jim Henson High School
    Theodore T. Geisel High School
    Phil Hartman High School
    Alec Baldwin's Film Career High School

  14. I lived in Jacksonville from 1983-2004. When all this PC crap started coming up, I wondered how long it would take to start renaming the schools. Hmmmm, it took longer than I thought it would.

  15. Barack Obama High School, Home of the Hoodwinkers

  16. Ioseb Besarionis dze Jugashvili HS.

    Ozymandias High School

    William J. Le Petomane Memorial Gambling Casino for the Insane.

  17. No one has suggested Chuck Norris High yet?

  18. @12: No, no, no. Madam Curie High School, Home of the Irradiators

  19. The Derek Zoolander School for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good Too

  20. #8 Damn!

    So a predominantly black school is named after a member of the KKK? That's disgusting. We should name it after a famous Democrat. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you....

    Robert Carlyle Byrd High School
    (Home of the Porkers)

  21. Helen Bach High School.

    "Where do you go to school?"
    "I go to Helen Bach."

  22. Pat McGroin High School

    Mascot: the Mighty Oak
    Slogan: "The Fighting Woodies"

  23. James Longstreet High School. Longstreet was a decent man (unlike Forrest), sane (unlike Stonewall Jackson), and an extraordinarily good general. He also joined the Republican party after the civil war.

    Or Duke Forrest High School, named after my favorite character from the movie M*A*S*H. Duke was played by Tom Skerritt, who, as far as I'm concerned, just ran away with the movie. The name change would also be far easier to implement than any other; in fact, the school could claim that it was named after Duke all along.

  24. How have we made it this far in our society without adopting the idea of corporate naming rights for high schools? Think of the tax relief this could offer. Also, we need more synonyms for "High School."

    Pizza Hut High School
    The High School Experience by Starbucks
    The Springer-Verlag Common Core Test Center & Football Team
    Clearasil Chalk House
    Pepsi Kid Thunderdome
    Levi's Great Western Brick Pile at Mission Point

  25. There is a Seymour Johnson air force base in NC (I kid you not). How about that for a HS?

  26. So I was born and raised in Jacksonville, FL and Forrest was one of my High School rivals. This has always been and issue but the demographics of the side of town the school is on has changed drastically in the past 20 years until they got enough folks that whined enough about it. We actually have a lot of schools in town named after Confederates besides the ones mentioned in the post above there is Robert E Lee High School and Kirby-Smith Middle School. The high school I graduated from was Andrew Jackson, while not a Civil War general killed a lot of Injuns...I mean Indians...wait Native Americans(is that right?) and hated the Federal Reserve. So Duval County liked naming our schools after folks that were Confederate and Democrats.

    It really is the fault of the school system though. I remember it seemed like we basically ran through the first part of American History and spent most of our time dwelling on the Civil War. It was just done so we would never forget that the South lost and that slavery was wrong. What a better way to remind those of us that had nothing to do with events that happened over 100 years ago that we are racists losers than to make us go to schools named after the folks that lost the war?

  27. Low (Information) High School
    Go Low High!!!

  28. Let's cut through the methane and get straight to the PC excrement:

    Forrest was, to your average Lefty, your prototypical eeeeevile White Guy whose history must be obliterated.

    Therefore, in a broad gesture of appeasement for the transgressions of bygone Caucasian eeevilities, let us proffer the following names:

    Patrice Lumumba High School

    Idi Amin High School (Go Cannibal Chieftains!)

    Huey P. Newton High

    H. Rap Brown High (Go Rappin' Panthaz!)

  29. The high school I graduated from was Andrew Jackson, while not a Civil War general killed a lot of Injuns…I mean Indians…wait Native Americans(is that right?) and hated the Federal Reserve.

    Hating the Federal Reserve was quite a feat for Andrew Jackson, since he died in 1845 and the Federal Reserve didn't exist until 1913.

  30. Inoffensive, Nondenomitational, Everyone's a Winner High

    Gun Free Zone

    Fishbarrel High

  31. Parker Lewis High

    Marion Barry High

    Alfred C. Sharpton High (go Baiters!)

    Maxine Waters High School and Insane Asylum

  32. Iowa Jim:
    I suspect AwesometificAmerican is talking about the Second Bank of the United States, which was like an early version of the Fed. Its 20-year charter expired during Jackson's term after he vetoed the renewal of its charter.

    Or, maybe he's just saying that Jackson was a man ahead of his time.

  33. I say Cthulhu H.S. simply for the Mascot Costume. That, or Peaceful Nature Walk H.S., home of the butterflies

  34. I meant the 2nd Bank, but I did preface my statements by saying I went to a public high school in Jacksonville FL where we named our schools after Confederates and KKK founders? So dont expect National Merit Scholarship outta me! I am amazed I can type at all.

  35. Comrade Chairman ObamaDecember 19, 2013 at 12:11 PM

    The SSgt. Max Fightmaster High School ( real dude! )

  36. Comrade Chairman ObamaDecember 19, 2013 at 12:12 PM

    Federal Re-education Camp #1

  37. Comrade Chairman ObamaDecember 19, 2013 at 12:13 PM

    The Apu Nahasapeemapetilon High School

  38. Comrade Chairman ObamaDecember 19, 2013 at 12:16 PM

    The Duval County Center for De-Testeronification and Political Correctness.

  39. Comrade Chairman ObamaDecember 19, 2013 at 12:16 PM

    Evil White Man High School

  40. The Miley Cyrus Acadamy of Twerk and Knowledgification

  41. The YGLTATSOTE Academy

  42. Comrade Chairman ObamaDecember 19, 2013 at 12:32 PM

    - The People's High School of Duval County
    - The Max Power High School
    - The Homer Jay Simpson High School and Donut Shop
    - The Pajama-man High School, Home of the Wussies
    - Establishment High School, Home of the Hippie-punchers
    - The I'm a Mima Aunt Jemima Jumbo Waffle Eater High School
    - Fifth Column High School
    - The Democrats Are the Ones Who Founded The KKK and Opposed Civil Rights Legislation But Never Mind That High School
    - The All-Inclusive Except Evil Whites and Bigoted Christians High School
    - The Obama is So, Like, You Know, Like Abraham Lincoln, Except for Like, Totally Everything High School
    - The Scatman Crothers High School
    - The All Hail Our Glorious Leader The Great And Benevolent Barack Hussein Obama High School
    - The It's A Big Non-descript Building Where Kids Go To Learn But That's Not Important Right Now High School
    - To Be Is To Do, To Do Is To Be, Dooby-Dooby-Doo High School

  43. Godzilla
    Chip Beefsteak
    Lance Uppercut

    All of them after real manly men who might or might not be wearing rubber suits when you are or aren't looking.

  44. And if enough kids leave:

    Stalag Seven Teens

  45. Derek Zoolander School For Kids That Can't Read Good And Want To Do Other Things Good Too

  46. Jenny Tailia High School
    Hugh G. Rection High School
    Heywood Jablomi High School
    Dick Schennarry High School
    Wydu Eye Goda High School

  47. I forgot one:
    Fonda Cox High School

  48. Margaret Sanger High School - Home of the Cell Clumps
    Generic High - Home of the , un, you know...Things
    Hillary Clinton High - Home of the Also-Rans.
    Rocert C. Byrd High - Simply because everything in West Virginia is already named after him, so they need to start on another state.
    The Rent Is Too Damn High School

  49. Willy Nelson High, home of the Tokers

  50. Ophelia Crack High School

    Dr. John A. Zoidberg High School

  51. Dr. Frank-n-furter High School

    You'd Do It for Randolph Scott High School

    Marvin Aday High School (motto: "Don't let it loaf")

    I Can't Believe Its Not Better High School

    Hard Knocks High

  52. Dick Bong High (There really could be one of these)

  53. Mustaf Herod Apyur Poupr High
    I Bin Farteen Highoi.I,or

  54. Raymond Louis Heenan School of Broadcast Journalism

  55. Phil McCracken High School, home of the Crackers.

  56. This might be a bad time to mention that the city of Jacksonville is named after, umm... Never mind.

  57. James Earl Ray High School

  58. Hugh Jorgen High School. Home of the Screaming Beavers

  59. Huh. The New World Encyclopedia says that LtGen. Forrest was cleared by an 1871 investigation (led by Radical Republicans--let those words rattle in your head a minute) of leading the Klan and (another?) an 1871 investigation cleared him of the Fort Pillow massacre.

  60. Benedict Arnold High, That way, the school is not named after a founder of the KKK, but is still named after a traitor. Everybody wins!


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