Bitches

You might remember me from a few days ago when Basil posted a picture of me. Or of part of me. So, we have met, after all.

I told Basil about something that happened, and he said if I wrote it up, he'd post it. So, I did. So now I'm blogging and didn't mean to. But here's my little story to share.

Sunday, I had the pleasure of taking my 4 month old Rhodesian Ridgeback, Scout, to a dog show in Newnan.

For those of you who have seen the movie Best in Show take note: dog shows are nothing like that – they are even stranger! My apologies to the dog show fanatics out there, but I am not one, though I do like watching them on TV sometimes. I know every sport or hobby has fanatics, but I personally find this particular counter culture fascinating. I have only been to two dog shows, however, so my point of view is that of a novice.

Well, in the dog world, my bitch (snicker, snicker) is defective – she has a kink in her tail and therefore, even though she is of champion bloodline, she cannot be shown. Even if she could, I could never truly enter the world of serious dog showing as I cannot help but snicker every time I hear a female dog referred to as a bitch – and yes, I know that is what the technical definition of a bitch is. It is just the offhand way they throw the word around that really throws me off. If you had a drinking game based around that, you would be passed out before the first show category.

I was talking to a lady there who said she took her mother to a show last month and suddenly her mother turned to her and said “honey, I really wish they wouldn’t use that word so much. It isn’t very nice.”

When the category of Open Bitch was announced, I almost ran into the ring myself, thinking I would be a sure winner. I mean, when you are just strolling around minding your own business and you suddenly hear, “that bitch is spectacular” you can’t help but strut your stuff a little more.

While the dogs are beautiful to look at, even more fascinating are the owners and handlers. I think the local Wal-mart must run out of suntan panty hose before every dog show. And you thought they only cared about how the dogs look.

And the things they bring with them into the ring besides the dogs. I saw handlers take real liver out of their pockets, put it in their mouths and bite off dog size pieces as “bait” to keep their dogs in prime position. Hannibal Lecter look out!

Last year, as I walked in to my first dog show in Montgomery, I saw a lady with two ziplock bags full of dead birds – I am not lying! I don’t even want to think about what they were used for. I guess I should have already told you why I went to my first dog show.

My friend heather was showing her ridgeback, Savannah. She however, came in last, as she lay down in the show ring and refused to get up. Obviously, she was smarter than the rest of us. Even with all the quirks, a good time was had by all.

A lady even took a picture of Scout because she said she had never seen a dog with such a perfect ridge. I was so proud of my bitch that I was nearly in tears and couldn’t wait to share the joyous news with my family – oh wait, maybe I am ready to enter the puppy show matrix.

Look out world, here we come!