Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Big Ass Trucks

I don't like big ass trucks.

By that, I'm not talking about really, really large trucks. I'm talking about big trucks driven by asses. Big asses.

Some people are asses when they get behind the wheel of a truck. But actually, when someone's an ass while in a truck, they're an ass when they're out of the truck.

And that's what I'm talking about. Trucks driven by big asses. Big ass trucks.

Like the big ass that parked his truck in such a way yesterday that it was difficult for other drivers.

In a parking garage I often use, the parking includes parking along the outside wall.

And, at the end of a row along the outside wall, there is the corner. And then parking along the next wall.

I parked in the end space. And a big ass parked his big truck in the end space of an adjoining wall.

And because he parked on the end, and because his truck is so large, and because he doesn't give a rat's ass about any other drivers, he blocked me in.

He was pulled all the way forward. The front of his truck was as far forward as it could be.

And this big ass Ford truck driver had blocked my Chevrolet in.

Now, to be honest, there was a little bit of space where I could move.

But, if you notice, his back wheel is not entirely in his space.

And my car is entirely within its space.

But a big ass truck driver like him doesn't seem to car about things like that.

He's not concerned with anyone other than himself.

Now, for full disclosure, the Wife has a large Ford truck. But rest assured, neither she nor I -- yes, I drive it, too -- park like that big ass does. You know, a little thing called consideration.

I was worried that I would have to wait on him to move his truck before I could leave. Or the vehicle parked next to me, that was parked correctly, so I could violate that space in working my way out of the space.

But, there was enough room for me to pull out. Barely.

And only because I have the habit of backing into a space. Had I pulled forward into the space, I'm not sure I could have navigated out of it safely.

But then, again, his truck was the same color as my car.

So, had we traded paint, it would have been barely noticeable.

I wonder if he reads this, if he'll continue to park like he does. Perhaps so.

But what if he finds out that my car is paid for ... while his truck likely still has payments left on it.

And that we've been planning to replace it later this year.

Another scratch or two here and there won't make much difference.

I wonder how Mr. Big Ass Truck Driver would feel about trading paint now?


  1. There is one store I won't go in because every time I've been there, someone has done the same thing to me; once during my lunch hour.

  2. In a few situations like that, one or another of my keys has mysteriously acquired some paint along the pointy bits of the same tint as the assvehicle (not always a truck. Often an SUV.)

  3. Carry a permanent magic-marker in the glove compartment and write a note on his windshield saying, "Sorry, but you parked so inconsiderately that I wound up giving your truck a big ding. If it were my fault I would have left my insurance info, but since you're such an ASS..."

    Hopefully he will be frantic looking to see where you dinged him. After that, he'll have to find something to remove the marker from his window. It's not as gratifying as actually banging his fender, but it does feel good.

  4. It was probably a North American Union truck from Mexicali.

    The NAU is a very, very big load, indeed.

  5. Your Mr. Big Ass Truck Driver probably has a part-time job driving a taxi!
    He will love the ding and wear it like the Red Badge of Courage!

  6. I honestly think I may have let the air out of a tire or two...or three...


Please choose a Profile in "Comment as" or sign your name to Anonymous comments. Comment policy