Friday, June 8, 2007

Fast Women

Some men like fast women.

There's one in particular that I have a thing for.

Only, it's not exactly like you might think. It's more literal than that.

Every couple has little differences. I like rock 'n roll. The Wife likes country.

I like baseball. She likes chickens and goats.

I like TiVo. She won't admit she likes TiVo.

I channel surf (when not watching TiVo). She will watch the commercials (when not watching TiVo).

I drive a Chevrolet car. She drives a Ford truck.

And she drives the Ford truck fast.

She won't admit she drives the Ford truck fast. But ask her when's the last time one of us got a ticket for driving too fast. She'll narrow her eyes and not respond.

So you might not want to mention driving too fast to her.

But I will.

What brought this up?

No, she didn't get a ticket recently. She probably should be getting them on a regular basis. But no, a ticket is not the impetus for this.

It was a telephone call.

We drove separate this morning. She gets off at noon today. I don't. So we drove separate.

She pulled out of the driveway first. She was facing east and went out the east drive. I was facing west and went out the west drive. We both turned east to head towards town.

When I pulled out, I looked to the right (west), then to the left (east), back to the right, back to the left, and pulled out, glancing quickly right again.

I look to the right often, because the little girl -- she's actually grown now -- that lives that way has a boyfriend and other guests that drive like bats out of hell. Those boys really need a good ass-kicking. But that's a rant for another day.

This morning, I pulled out, and on the road ahead of me was ... nobody.

The Wife had already rounded the curve a quarter-mile ahead.

I accelerated to 35 MPH ... the legal limit on the road ... and approached the curve.

I slowed to 30 ... it says 25, but yes, I speed on occasions ... rounded the curve, and saw ... nobody. She had traversed the half-mile from the curve to the highway and was gone.

I sped up to 35, got to the highway, made my right (east) turn ... and the phone rang.

After I was able, I checked the call log. It was the Wife.

I called her back.

"Where are you?" she asked.


"I looked in the mirror and didn't see you."

I paused. And couldn't hold back any longer. "I drove the speed limit."

I won't tell you what she said.

But it's a good thing we drove separate. I'm thinking had I been in the truck with her, my body still wouldn't be found.


  1. She was concerned about you! And I bet what she said was something like Get the lead out, wasn't it! heh


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