Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Southeast Georgia Barbies
Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Georgia Market:
"St. Simons Island Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Shops At Sea Island. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily, is always late and has no full-time occupation or goals. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) … unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
"Sea Island Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you won't be able to afford any of them.
"Wayne County Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk (or sober). Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
"Altamaha River Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Brunswick Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
"McIntyre Court Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant (try looking in Chicago).
"Bay Street, Savannah Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
More White Trash Wwednesdays:
Update: A special White Trash Wednesday shout out to Alabama Improtper for fidning Barbie's dog!