Sunday, April 19, 2009

Oh, brother

I don't have any brothers. Got three sisters. One older, two younger.

The Big Sister (who's 5'4'') is one we all pick on from time to time. We call her "Big Sister" because she's older (of which she hates being reminded) and because she's the smallest of the four of us (of which we hate being reminded).

The Little Sister (who's 6'0'') is also sometimes called the "Baby Sister" by us. She hates that, therefore, we say it. She's also the tallest of the sisters, and shorter than me by a mere 2 inches.

The Middle Sister (who's 5'6'') is the most devious of the group. I'm a little devious myself, but I'm not sure I can out-do her. We call her The Mean One. Her students (both when she was a teacher and now that she's a principal) would agree.

Like brothers and sisters, we enjoy each other, often at each others' expense.

Like yesterday.

I met The Little Princess in Atlanta. She's been having problems with her computer, and I went to help. That's what daddies do.

She drove over to Atlanta from Athens on Friday night to meet some friends and spend the night. I drove over to Atlanta yesterday morning. What with traffic being screwed all up by construction and wrecks, it took a bit longer to get there than I had hoped.

Okay, now you're wondering what all that has to do with picking on my sister.

Well, it turns out that she was in Atlanta, along with her daughter, my niece, Miss Columbus Outstanding Teen 2009. She's competing in the Miss Georgia Pageant coming up in a couple of months. They'll have the regular Miss Georgia Competition, as well as the Teen competition, for which my niece will compete, representing Columbus, even though she lives a ways away.

Anyway, they were there for voice lessons and some other things. And, when I called them to see what they were up to, they were able to meet The Little Princess and me for a quick visit.

I had something in the car for Miss Columbus Teen -- actually something of hers she left the last time she was visiting -- and The Mean Sister said she'd run go get it while the cousins visited and I worked on the computer.

Did I mention that we were at Lenox Square Mall in Atlanta? No? Well, we were.

And did I mention about traffic all buggered up because of wrecks? Yes? Well, there was one not far from Lenox Square, and that impacted my approach.

Anyway, I ended up parking at the first place I could, and that was outisde Macy's.

We were meeting in the food court on the bottom floor of the mall, which is about as far from Macy's as you can get and still be in the same mall.

Told the Mean Sister that: "Go out Macy's, cross the street, go to the right, and I'm in that lot."

I guess she thought I was telling some secret code or something, because she called four times, trying to find out where the car was.

She was everywhere but near Macy's.

And she didn't call me. No, she called Miss Columbus Teen, and asked her where my car was. And Miss Columbus Teen asked me. And I told her "Go out Macy's, cross the street, go to the right, and I'm in that lot." Which she repeated to her mother. Who wasn't thrilled with that. So, she'd ask a question, which Miss Columbus Teen would repeat, and I'd answer, which Miss Columbus Teen would repeat.

Don't ask me why. That's just the way it happened.

"Where's the car?"

"Across the street from Macy's, in the lot to the right."

"What level are you on?"

"What? I'm parked outside."

"Do you see sky above you?"

"When I get out of the car, there's nothing but sky. And clouds. Maybe a bird."

"What door do you go out to get to the car?"

"The one by Macy's."

"What store did you pass when you came in?"


"Mom, he's being snarky with me now. Macy's. That's what he said."

It went on. And on.

It was frustrating, sure. But, when I parked, I look at the mall, saw Macy's right there, walked over to the building, and went in the door by Macy's. So, that's what I said I did.

Anyway, as frustrating as it was for me, I was heartened by the fact that The Mean Sister was getting the worst of it.

She eventually found the car.

It was parked across the street from Macy's, in the lot to the right. Just like where I left it.

It's good to be the brother.


  1. The Mean Sister (who is 5'6")April 22, 2009 at 12:34 PM

    Yes, it took a while to find the car. Sometimes when The Brother (who is a total turd) gives answers that smell like he is acting. You give horrible directions. I was at Macy's the whole time!! Next time, I'll let you sit on I-75 and use up your gas and get stranded with all the Atlanta people. Oh, thank you for bringing the supplies for Miss Columbus OT!

  2. Oh, I wish I had been there to see/hear this entire exchange. Hee, hee!


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