Friday, July 24, 2009

Party Time!

I'm starting to get confused. Okay, more confused.

We have two major parties in this country. The Democrats and the Republicans, in case you weren't sure. Either a Republican or a Democrat has won every presidential election in this country since the Crusades. Or Zachary Taylor's 1848 election, I forget which. And the last president that wasn't a Democrat or a Republican, and that didn't die in office, was John Quincy Adams, a Democratic-Republican (forerunners of Democrats), in 1824.

Over the years, it's been confusing. Both parties have had conservatives, liberals, and moderates. And still do. I know, I know, it's hard to believe there are any conservative Democrats, but, truth be told, there are. I can't name one, but trust me, they exist.

Today, it's generally considered that Democrats are liberal and Republicans are conservative. And most fit that mold. But not all.

The problem with that -- or one of the problems, anyway -- is that many members of a party will put party over ideology ... and even over country. Witness: the undermining of the military in the recent two election cycles.

So, what do we do?

The president can solve this. How? Appoint me as Political Party Czar!

I'll have power to assign politicians to the correct party. And create new parties if needed.

Obama, of course, gets booted from the Democratic party (sorry, Boss), but gets to lead the Socialist party. Nancy Pelosi will be in the Barking Moonbat party. As will be Harry Reid.

John McCain (sorry, sir) will be shifted from the Republican party (Meggie Mac, too) to the new Moderate party. Olympia Snowe, too. Or, maybe I'll make some of that group into Whigs. We don't have enough Whigs any more.

Some of the current Republicans will become Democrats, some Democrats will become Republicans, and ... well, some I need to think about longer.

Sure, it'll be hell having to meet with all the politicians and figure out what to do with them all. And, while I'm assessing and assigning all politicians in Congress to the proper party, Congress will have to be suspended, as will Executive Orders. This is to ensure that when further legislative or executive actions are taken, everyone is properly placed where they belong.

I don't make this promise lightly: I will take whatever time is needed to ensure that every politician is in the proper political party.

Could take years.


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