Saturday, December 18, 2004

Headline News Returns

Well, Frank J. over at IMAO brought back his "Headline Fun®" feature. If you haven't seen it, hell, how'd you find THIS site? Anyway, the crazies over there are in rare form. Here's some of the entries I posted. For some really funny stuff, check out the postings under the heading "Headline Fun IV".
From CNN:
Mother seeks justice for son's death
Mom: I want David Souter's ass!

From CNN:
'Bard's' funny tale does not hold interest
The bipolar movie reviewer strikes again

From CNN:
Buffalo bound for a home on the range
S&M Bison comfortable at last

From The Hawaii Channel:
Class-Action Suit Filed Over Hilton Mold
Initially thought to be effect of night vision camera, fans shocked when real reason for green appearance discovered

From AJC:
Williams: Miami's Bad Year Not His Fault
Finally admits he's a no-talent hack

From AJC:
San Antonio Strippers to Wear Permits
Record number apply for job as permit inspector

From AJC:
Stem cells from fat used to repair skull injury
Use for Michael Moore finally found

From AJC:
Cooing to babies may explain origin of language
Top scientist: "Our weasearch sowed babies wistened wen mommy tawked, ess ey did, coochy-coochy-coochy."

From AJC:
Chemical plant has clean safety record
Used own chemicals to remove the spot

From AJC:
Cherokee meth lab busted
Promise to have fixed by end of week

From AJC:
Murdoch to pay record $44 million for Fifth Avenue penthouse
Tops record paid for Broadway Hustler, Park Avenue Playboy

From AJC:
Church's, Popeyes post sales gains
Good news for Baptists, no matter how you read it

From AJC:
Coke's British water plan draws fire
In US, water still repels fire

From AJC:
Seal up point of entry to keep wasps out
And see a doctor

From AJC:
Get maximum efficiency from your dishwasher
Have her cut grass, vacuum carpet

From CNNmoney:
When Fido hits the road
... it's usually after a squeal of brakes and a dull thud

From CNN:
Cuba erects billboard attacking U.S.
U.S. gives a rat's ass

From The Champlain Channel:
NRC Calls Vermont Yankee 'Overall Good'
But has harsh words about shirt, boots

From The Omaha Channel:
When Ball Drops, Lincoln Goes Smokeless
Only really young boys allowed to smoke

Falcons turn around quickly
Get dizzy, stagger, fall down

Surgery gives McRoy clear vision for '05
First medical use of time machine a success

From The Washington Post:
Singing the Norwegian Blues
Really obscure Hank Williams song found

From The Washington Post:
Ohio Voters Refile Election Challenge
Still not convinced Taft won in 1908

From The Washington Post:
Iceland Offers Asylum to Jailed Fischer
"The rooms are padded so he can't hurt himself. He's crazy as a football bat, you know" officials say.

From The Washington Post:
Ehrlich Agrees to Call Special Session
Drs. Craig, Westphall agree: It's long overdue

From The Washington Post:
Drug Stocks Drag Markets Lower
Headline writer left wishing he knew another form of the verb "drag"

From The Washington Post:
Uncertain Landscape Ahead for Copyright Protection
Decision on azaleas delayed

From The Washington Post:
Schools Turn to Comics as Trial Balloon
Plan to make kids even stupider expected to succeed

From WGAL:
Lebanon Prepares For Bologna Drop
I got nothing. I just wanted to post this headline.

If you want to give it a shot, you're welcome to try here. I do have some requests, though. If you want to post over at Frank J.'s site, more people will see it.

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