Saturday, December 18, 2004

Headline News Returns

Well, Frank J. over at IMAO brought back his "Headline Fun®" feature. If you haven't seen it, hell, how'd you find THIS site? Anyway, the crazies over there are in rare form. Here's some of the entries I posted. For some really funny stuff, check out the postings under the heading "Headline Fun IV".
From CNN:
Mother seeks justice for son's death
Mom: I want David Souter's ass!

From CNN:
'Bard's' funny tale does not hold interest
The bipolar movie reviewer strikes again

From CNN:
Buffalo bound for a home on the range
S&M Bison comfortable at last

From The Hawaii Channel:
Class-Action Suit Filed Over Hilton Mold
Initially thought to be effect of night vision camera, fans shocked when real reason for green appearance discovered

From AJC:
Williams: Miami's Bad Year Not His Fault
Finally admits he's a no-talent hack

From AJC:
San Antonio Strippers to Wear Permits
Record number apply for job as permit inspector

From AJC:
Stem cells from fat used to repair skull injury
Use for Michael Moore finally found

From AJC:
Cooing to babies may explain origin of language
Top scientist: "Our weasearch sowed babies wistened wen mommy tawked, ess ey did, coochy-coochy-coochy."

From AJC:
Chemical plant has clean safety record
Used own chemicals to remove the spot

From AJC:
Cherokee meth lab busted
Promise to have fixed by end of week

From AJC:
Murdoch to pay record $44 million for Fifth Avenue penthouse
Tops record paid for Broadway Hustler, Park Avenue Playboy

From AJC:
Church's, Popeyes post sales gains
Good news for Baptists, no matter how you read it

From AJC:
Coke's British water plan draws fire
In US, water still repels fire

From AJC:
Seal up point of entry to keep wasps out
And see a doctor

From AJC:
Get maximum efficiency from your dishwasher
Have her cut grass, vacuum carpet

From CNNmoney:
When Fido hits the road
... it's usually after a squeal of brakes and a dull thud

From CNN:
Cuba erects billboard attacking U.S.
U.S. gives a rat's ass

From The Champlain Channel:
NRC Calls Vermont Yankee 'Overall Good'
But has harsh words about shirt, boots

From The Omaha Channel:
When Ball Drops, Lincoln Goes Smokeless
Only really young boys allowed to smoke

From al.com:
Falcons turn around quickly
Get dizzy, stagger, fall down

From al.com:
Surgery gives McRoy clear vision for '05
First medical use of time machine a success

From The Washington Post:
Singing the Norwegian Blues
Really obscure Hank Williams song found

From The Washington Post:
Ohio Voters Refile Election Challenge
Still not convinced Taft won in 1908

From The Washington Post:
Iceland Offers Asylum to Jailed Fischer
"The rooms are padded so he can't hurt himself. He's crazy as a football bat, you know" officials say.

From The Washington Post:
Ehrlich Agrees to Call Special Session
Drs. Craig, Westphall agree: It's long overdue

From The Washington Post:
Drug Stocks Drag Markets Lower
Headline writer left wishing he knew another form of the verb "drag"

From The Washington Post:
Uncertain Landscape Ahead for Copyright Protection
Decision on azaleas delayed

From The Washington Post:
Schools Turn to Comics as Trial Balloon
Plan to make kids even stupider expected to succeed

From WGAL:
Lebanon Prepares For Bologna Drop
I got nothing. I just wanted to post this headline.

If you want to give it a shot, you're welcome to try here. I do have some requests, though. If you want to post over at Frank J.'s site, more people will see it.

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