Wednesday, December 22, 2004

How I'm Spending My Christmas Vacation

One of the worst things about being sick ... other than the obvious ... no, wait, that's it: being sick. I mentioned earlier I'm not a big fan of taking drugs. Not a macho thing; when I'm sick, I'm a wimp. No, that's not it. It's that drugs do things that I don't understand. For example, if I take an aspirin (CH3COOC6H4COOH for those that care about such things), how does it know where my pain is? I mean, if I've got a headache, how does it know to go to my head and make it stop? Why doesn't it go to my knee? Or my shoulder? Does it actually go to all these places, but turn around when the little CH3COOC6H4COOH-thingys get to the head and call out "Up here, boys!" These things bother me.

Another think I don't like about being sick is that people start playing tricks on me. For example, I've been taking some cold medicine tablets (Acetaminophen 325 mg, Chlorpheniramine maleate 2 mg, Dextromethorphan hydrobromide 15 mg, Pseudoephedrine hydrochloride 30 mg) and the little medicine-thingys inside them like to suddenly make me want to go to sleep, then, when I'm dreaming all nice and sweet, they run around yelling "Wake up!" Little medicine-thingys are evil. Well, not evil. They do make me feel better. So, they just have a mean sense of humor.

Anyway, people playing tricks on me. The wife has moved all of the light switches. Remember when I said that the medicine-thingys are making me wake up all of a sudden? Well, sometimes, that means in the middle of the night. When it's dark outside. And dark inside, too. And that's why the Good Lord -- or was it Thomas Edison? -- invented electric lights. So, I go to turn on a light. And the wall switch has been moved. I walked into the kitchen and used my right hand to turn on the switch, and nothing happens. No switch. So I try with my left hand. It works! Someone moved the switch. And, she may deny it, but I know it's her. So, I take my orange juice and drugs, turn to leave the kitchen, and use my left hand to turn off the switch. Nothing. That's the same hand that worked coming in! Why doesn't it work on the way out? So, now I try my right hand. It works! It was moved again! I step over to the bedroom and look at my wife. She's acting like she's asleep, but I know she's just lying there, chuckling to herself. I mean, really. Playing tricks on me like that.

I was going to write something about socks from Wal-Mart[shameless link - but stuff!], but I don't see how to get there from here. So maybe later. I think the drugs are kicking in. It's a little after 7:00 AM. Good night, all.

1 comment:

  1. wow. you really are a lightweight! about the aspirin thing....that's why you take two. one goes where it's needed, the other one just wanders around looking lost until it asks where it's friend went, then gets there a little late but keeps the pain relief going.
    hope you feel better soon! (your headlines are showing the effect of the medication!)


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