Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Headline News

Frank J. over at IMAO apparently enjoyed the Headlines that his many readers (including your obedient servant) posted. You really ought to check them out. He has been accepting new Headlines for today, and the results, again, are hilarious. Here are some samples. Again, I'm using mine so his crack team of crack smokers won't harrass me. Lots of funny there.
From the AJC:
Zell Miller grabs Fox News gig
"Hey, I don't swing that way," shouts an astonished Fox News

From CNN:
Stone sues surgeon over assertions
"Yes, you can get blood from me!" rock asserts in lawsuit.

From CNN:
U.S. raps Cambodia over sex trade
Dear Cambodia, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways; f*** it, what's been up? Oh, yeah, about your whorin'...

From CNN:
African Union pushes Darfur peace talks
Darfur peace talks push back

From CNN:
Celebrity stalkers and the law
Sequel to "Jake and the Fatman" to debut next fall

From CNN:
Rehnquist to swear in President Bush
Then to swear at David Souter

From CNN:
Nearly 800,000 Bowflex machines recalled
Group says, "We remember ordering the damned things, we just don't remember why."

From CNN:
Meth addiction leads to sexual misery
Tom Wolfe is finally explained

From Washington Post:
Lacking Visa, Islamic Scholar Resigns Post at Notre Dame
MasterCard over limit, no help whatsoever

From New York Times:
Court Upholds Patent Ruling Against Maker of BlackBerry
God, who also made strawberrys, blueberries, vows to appeal

From New York Times:
An Upgrade for the Fruitcake
Elton John 2.0 to be released in time for Christmas

From New York Times:
Mercury Tries to Renew Its Image
Planet asks why Venus, Mars get all the publicity

From Fox News:
Nicolas Cage Measured About Marriage
... and weighed near Honeymoon

Cuba demands U.S. remove Christmas lights
"Not until Cuba's dog quits knocking over my trash can," responds U.S.

Normal just doesn't fit Jim Carrey
NORML, on the other hand, fits like a glove

Sen. Daschle: 'I feel good walking out these doors'
Video shows door did not hit his ass on the way out

From Chicago Sun-Times:
Body takes detour on way to burial
Family tracks down and buries Dad despite his protests

From Chicago Sun-Times:
Immigrants become fat like U.S. natives
American Indian Movement calls description "racist"

From Washington Times:
Baseball plan in jeopardy
To appear on "Wheel of Fortune" next week

From BBC:
Thousands flee DR Congo hotspot
Joint Dr Pepper/7-Up drink a failure

From BBC:
Downer upbeat on PNG rescue plan
Still no plan in works for JPG, GIF


  1. I thought I left a comment yesterday... where'd 'e go?

  2. Yay! I'm first to comment on your blog! woot! Whoooo-Whoooo-Whoooo, good headline funny-making btw.

  3. CY:

    When I switched over to HaloScan, they didn't make the trip. I don't know why. Still researching.

    I have the text, if I only knew how to add a post through the manager menu. Any ideas?


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