Friday, December 17, 2004

Son of Headline News

Real news headlines. Links are included. Bonus comments included at no additional charge.
From CNN:
GOP lawmaker Collins joins Rumsfeld critics
Band to tour of 19 Far West, Northern states, plus DC.

From CNN:
Saddam sees attorney for first time
"He's been there the whole time, I just never noticed him. I'm so embarrassed," says the former Iraqi President-for-life.

From CNN:
Mbeki meets Ivorian rebels on peace package
Seeks return of missing vowel

From CNN:
'Poison' found in Indonesian VP's soup
Kalla says, "That's the last time I let Viktor Yushchenko order for me!"

From CNN:
Colombia sentences IRA-linked men
Shared a Roth account

From CNN:
Bush to sign intelligence reform bill into law
Saying words like "misunderestimate" now considered smart

From CNN:
Cyprus hurdle for Turkey EU talks
Oak, Pine hurdles eliminated

From CNN:
Bhutan first nation to ban smoking
Finally grew tired of all those lame "Bhutan/butane" lighter jokes

From CNN:
Pakistan skittled out by Australia
Told "Taste the Rainbow, Mate"

From CNN:
Stars flee London hotel fire
Moon, planets left behind

From CNN:
TPV, Philips eye PC monitor deal
Will swap Sony 19 inch for smaller 17 inch plus CD-ROM drive

From WRAL:
Raleigh Plan To End Homelessness Nearly Complete
Mayor, City Council to walk streets, tell bums to get a job

From WRAL:
Car Crashes Into Vance County Restaurant
Plans for Drive-thru Window being reconsidered

From CNN:
Europe shares at 29-month high
Claim: "That's some rockin' s***, man. I am so wasted"

Oil drops from 2-week high
Asks Europe shares where it got its stuff

From CNN:
Task force: Shuttle launch on track
Use for Amtrak finally found.

From CNN:
Ban sought on potent pesticide
For some reason, impotent pesticides are okay

From CNN:
Deneriaz sets up Saslong hat-trick
Deneriaz: "So, Saslong, whatcha got in the hat?"

From CNN:
Tech help may soon rescue referees
Jackets coach Hewitt finally over bad call in second half

From Washington Post:
For Rebuilders of Sadr City, Gratitude Tainted by Mistrust
Uncertain whether to believe wild-eyed fanatics or their own eyes

From Washington Post:
One Prince William Hopes to Lure Another
Horny clone on loose

From Washington Post:
After Flu Shot Crisis, Demand Dwindles
Just like last time

Mexican-Americans get an invitation from south
To no one's surprise, invitation includes the phrase "and the horse you rode in on"

Auburn AD candidate emerging
Been in cave since 1982

From The New York Times:
Toys in the Attic, and Everywhere Else
Old Aerosmith albums hotter than ever

From The New York Times:
36 HOURS: Albuquerque
Bugs Bunny finally makes decision on left turn

From CNN:
Breasts, butts, backs....oh my!
I got nothing. I just wanted to see if the story had pictures. It didn't. And they call that reporting. Hmmph.

If you want more, let me know (cheap plug for comments). If you want to add you own, click here for the rules. I like rules. Unless I'm told to follow them. Then they suck. Unless my children are reading this. If so, then rules are good. Really, really good. And why aren't you studying? Anway, that's the news.

More in the future if you like.

Frank J. has since posted a new edition of Headline Fun. Check it out. Those folks are just plain nuts.


  1. You are really really really good at this. I have a case of headline envy.

  2. Thanks. I appreciate it.

    Oh, and you really ought to get a doctor to look at that.

  3. ever thought of doing stand-up comedy (if you don't already)? you're too funny !

  4. Again, I appreciate the kind words.

    But, is the world really ready for another Carrot Top?

  5. um, no, but if you marketed yourself as "Pesto Man" you could get away from the whole "Produce Section" style of humor that Carrot is known for.

  6. to be pesto, you have to be a little bit nuts! to be Carrot Top, you just have to be annoying and have nothing to do with basil.

  7. and as funny as you are when presented with a newspaper full of sadness and tragedy, and still able to find something in it that we all can laugh at, well, there's the nuts! (LOL)
    All Hail Pesto Man!

  8. oh yeah...don't listen to me when i'm drunk.

  9. unless you think it's funny!

  10. LOL! Got an early start today, did we? Hey, it's the weekend!

    Thanks again!

  11. oh're probably going to ban me for this one, but oh well, see you on IMAO
    " A Goat's not just for Christmas"
    Yes, you can enjoy it whenever the wife and kids go out of town.
    egads, but that was just not right.

  12. oh, ok. you didn't ban me! cool! and by the way, out here in CA it's not an early start, but a late ending.


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