When I was in the Marine Corps, it was a diffiicult time. The worst thing was...
What?
Oh.
Turns out I wasn't in the Marines. I was in the Army. Briefly. And this Precision Guided Humor Assignment from the Alliance (member FDIC) is for real. To summarize, Chris (MetallicaRat of FlashBang) joined the Marines. And the Alliance wants to send him lots and lots of funny. Nothing worse than PG/PG-13 please. Military jokes preferred. So, if you're not an Alliance member, send me funny and I'll pass it along.
If you want to send a joke by e-mail to me, click the link at the top of the page. But it would always be better if you'd post them in the comments here for all to enjoy.
New Officer Efficiency Reports
ReplyDeleteThese are actual phrases (or so we have been told) from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers).
"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."
"Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching."
"A room temperature IQ."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
"A gross ignoramus---144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
"A prime candidate for natural deselection."
"Bright as Alaska in December."
"One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests."
"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
"Fell out of the family tree."
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
"He's so dense, light bends around him."
"If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate."
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
"Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes."
"Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby."
"Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
I found these here.
A marine and a sailor go to a diner for lunch one day. After they order their food, they both get up to go use the head. When the sailor finishes taking a piss he goes over to the sink and proceeds to wash his hands but the marine just zips up and goes back to the table. When the sailor gets to the table he looks at the marine and say's "In the Navy they teach us to wash our hands after we take a piss." The marine looks back at him and say's "Yeah, well in the Marines they teach us not to piss on our hands."
ReplyDeleteD'oh! you posted the only Marine joke that i know before i saw the joke thingie at the top of the blog!
ReplyDeletebut, it's a good one, glad someone posted it.
Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Cheering Up A Marine
ReplyDeleteAll right, Chris, the following Alliance members have got your back with enough 45 caliber funny to wipe out an entire division (remember to check the comments on these for stray contributions): hM of homicidalManiak Bill of Possibility Knot has