Wednesday, February 23, 2005

PGH Assignment: Iraq's To-Do List

Harvey's number appeared on the caller ID.

"What now?" I wondered. He was still not happy with my over the whole Michael Moore/Evil Glenn Reynolds® thing. But helping cheer up Chris the Marine had mellowed him. That and staying drunk all week before last. So maybe it wasn't bad news.


He was all business. "Iraq election went well. They're seating a government. We need to know what's on their 'to-do' list," he said.

"Um, okay. Why?"

"Tell me where you are in the pecking order so that you get to ask 'why?'" he said.

"I'm right on it," I responded. The line went dead.

Okay. Iraq government "to-do" list. Hmmm. Piece of cake. I've got a computer. I know how to Google. Plus I can use a search engine. No problem. I fired up the Linux box and logged on. I headed over to Google, and went to work.

Ah, results. That was fast. Gotta love Google:
  • Bang Cyndi. done
  • Kill Terri. botched
  • Put Terri in hospital. done
  • Break up with Cyndi. done
  • Win lawsuit against hospital. done
  • Place DNR order on Terri's chart. done
  • Bang Jodi . done
  • Overturn "Terri's Law." done
  • Remove feeding tube. done in progress
  • Bury Terri.
  • Cash life insurance checks.
  • Marry Jodi.
  • Insure Jodi, kids.
  • Dump kids on family.
  • Kill Jodi.

Darn. That's Michael Schiavo's To-Do List.

Okay, keep searching. Ah, here we go:
  • Buy tinfoil. done
  • Contact mothership for instructions. done
  • Blame Karl Rove for CBS Memo forgery. done
  • Buy tinfoil.
  • Contact mothership for instructions.
  • Bay at the moon.
  • Buy tinfoil.
  • Contact mothership for instructions.

Darn. That's congressman Maurice Hinchey's To-Do List.

More searching:
  1. Buy new blender.
  2. Get new puppy from pound.
  3. Stop by railroad tracks, pick up hobo.
  4. Read Mao's little red book.
  5. Worship Satan...

Darn, that's Evil Glenn Reynolds'® To-Do List.

I'm starting to get worried now. More Googling. Ah, I see what I did wrong. Let's try this. Jackpot!:
  • Wing it.

Hmmm. Looks like interesting times in Iraq.


  1. The Mean Sister (who is 5'6")February 23, 2005 at 12:20 PM

    Hey basil--I clicked the blender link, and it sent me to IAMO. They had the cutest little picture on the left--wait, THAT IS YOU!!!!

  2. Precision Guided Humor Round-up: Iraq's To-Do List

    There's a LOT to do when you're trying to nurture a budding democracy. There's political prisoners to free, stupid laws to take off the books, terrorists to turn into a fine, red mist. It's a BIG project. But nothing makes


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